Approaching someone in public

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Not sure if you remember but there were long term members who were on WP for years spouting their views. Some are still here. But much less than I remember from 2011.

For some people it is quite a challenge to empathise/look at the impact of their words.

Even when empathy is a problem, I still think that most folks could learn to be more compassionate/sympathetic.

The rules are more strictly enforced now than they were in the past which is a positive thing. We lost way too many good members due to folks not abiding by the rules and engaging in sexism, bullying, and harassment in its various forms.

Yes I remember. I make a conscious choice not to enter certain spaces on WP so did not see all the bullying or harassment but one member who was a staple on WP shocked me when he was banned for grooming. It makes it difficult to trust or put your trust in people who are (at the end of the day) strangers.

^ It’s all the more reason to be respectful of female members here by not writing or enabling sexist content/commentary which is against the rules anyway. Most of us have had to deal with a lot of s**t on and offline on top of more typical, human stuff like extreme loneliness, loss, and grief.

Fair enough

When I'm upset I don't word things as well as I should. It's important to keep in mind that autism is a social skills disorder that can cause communication problems & lead to misunderstandings with others. There's been LOTS of times when I was frustrated & complaining about being lonely of other various things, & I've had others put words in my mouth so to speak & accuse me of stating & claiming things I did not mean. I've been called a misogynist a bit & there were even a few times on this & other forums when I was accused of being a potential rapist. Thankfully these hateful accusations have not happened in a LONG time. My current girlfriend & my last ex have both said I was a feminist because I support lots of women's rights issues. How can someone be both a misogynist & feminist It's somewhat common for different people to describe me in seemingly opposite ways. Feeling unfairly judged & mistreated by certain groups can sometimes contribute to me having more negative opinions of those groups which makes the problems worse & I may express even more frustration. Instead of accusing me & others of things it may be better to try to understand the cause of our frustration & try to offer support instead of hurling insults & accusations. This is NOT directed at anyone specific. I have no problems with any of the members in this thread. I'm talking in general based on my various experiences.

Everyone missing the point.

On an autism forum many people here have "social privilege" i.e. ability to exercise social skills. Assuming every person on the autism spectrum can match your capacity to filter language and put themselves in the shoes of every group may be asking too much. turning around and saying "well they shouldn't be here then" is also discriminating - basically saying WP should only be open to high functioning individuals because "we know better"

It’s perfectly reasonable to expect folks not to engage in sexism. On top of being against the rules, autism is not a valid excuse. Sure, people can say the wrong thing sometimes, but if they are told over and over again about their behavior and they don’t attempt to change it, they don’t belong here. I’m pretty sure a lot of folks who are okay with sexism would not be so okay with racism which seems to suggest that they still don’t know how harmful sexism is. We have rules for a reason, and people need to make an effort to abide by them. It’s seems like most, if not all, of the habitual rule breakers were capable of changing their behavior. They just didn’t want to.

You do make a very good point. One problem I've noticed in the past is that terms would be used a bit to explain problematic behavior & some various members including myself did not understand how those terms applied to our posts. It's like if somebody tells me to stop being an a$$hole without explaining how my behavior is a$$holeish. That's one of the things I like about this thread is that behavior is being discussed without overly using terminology.

It seems like these days people do explain most of the time, not that folks always want to listen. Women don’t always have the energy for it, either, because it can be very frustrating. Too often, people want to argue about why their antagonistic, sexist attitude/behavior was totally okay and not problematic at all. Talking to mods can be very helpful.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 18 Aug 2024, 12:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not saying there can't be rules and yes, habitual rule breakers who are capable (not sure who decides competence?) should cease and desist or face bans. If individuals want to interact but can't understand how they are breaking aforementioned rules then perhaps we should be conducting zoom interviews with aforementioned individuals.

Ultimately they will choose to leave on their own accord (without a ban) if they are ostracised, marginalised or ignored.

I’ve never observed that situation. Normally, people modify their behavior after being talked to by a mod or make the choice not to change because they don’t like the rules. If you have concerns about the rules, guidelines, and consequences that are in place, though, I suggest talking directly to Cornflake.

People have managed to empathise/look at the impact of their words with regard to racism, homophobia, transphobia, bullying, ableism, etc., so why would the impact of sexism be more difficult?

If you read my posts I did say I have no personal issues with the rules/guidelines in place. Consequences are another matter. Somebody like me should be hit hard as I should know better.

I believe others who have difficulty in being told off have been given a lot of patience and understanding over the years because of their personal problems (there are many who have experienced trauma in their lives and need to be handled carefully).

For me it's not. My sex life is basically over. For younger males who are looking for female (or male/other) companionship they have being horny in addition to coping with autism so for them frustration is something that is unavoidable (meditation and a walk on the beach isn't a cure for horniness).

the others racism, homophobia and transphobia, bullying and ableism can be cured with simple change in behaviour and mindset.