Aspie dating success stories

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IsabellaLinton
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30 Sep 2024, 11:16 am

It’s not just about men and their observations because quite often women offer advice or empathy by saying they’ve experienced something similar. It seems to me that women’s advice is disregarded or deemed irrelevant even when no “observations” (generalisations) are made by either party. Women frequently offer insight and solidarity to men but it’s rare that I see women thanked, acknowledged, or even validated for their words. In contrast, when women post dating or relationship problems (or even general life problems) I’ve yet to see those men respond at all, or offer the women any type of support.

There’s a certain man who keeps promoting racial equality but showing he doesn’t understand gender equality. If we call him out he says he’ll never speak about women again, but then he does - repeatedly - and his attitude doesn’t change. He gets butt hurt as if he’s the one offended.

One man heckles TP in particular with not-so-thinly-veiled insults suggesting she hates all men, because she’s discussed the behaviour of two abusive men from her private life and she expects to be treated with respect on WP. This person even references her trauma in sarcastic ways in unrelated posts. Clearly she’s a man-hater even though she’s befriended many men here, she goes out of her way to help all people, and she believes in love or the prospect of a fulfilling relationship *including sex* in her future.

One man calls us “naive” to the truth even when we acknowledge men’s issues and offer support to all people. He makes snide comments predicting that his logical posts won’t be tolerated by the likes of … women? … and that we’re overreacting or overdramatic no matter what we say (unless it’s about great sex).

I can only imagine how women would respond in real life if these men were to be so patronising, calling their dates naive girls and pointing out that women’s life experiences don’t matter so long as they’re willing to put out and save the human race with joyful and spontaneous sex.

Why is it OK here, if not in reality?

It’s frustrating because I like all the men here, and I wouldn’t be here otherwise. I wish we could get along and have a laugh and share our mutual angst, but it’s hard to ignore the fact some women are bullied in plain sight, and few other people are willing to do a damned thing to help them.


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bee33
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30 Sep 2024, 12:16 pm

This is all very tiresome, from both sides of the argument.

The topic of the thread has been squeezed out, and other people who might want to chime in have been squeezed out. I certainly have been.

Instead of both sides repeating the same things ad nauseum, maybe give it a rest and try to talk about topics directly? Repeating oneself over and over isn't going to yield the desired result.



Double Retired
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30 Sep 2024, 12:31 pm

Double Retired wrote:
When I was in my late 20s I took a new job. An older female coworker apparently liked how I looked on paper and fixed me up to take her daughter (a few years younger than me) to a concert. I was a "gift". The daughter and I liked each other and continued dating but ultimately her mother had her daughter drop me when I wanted to make it more serious. :(

In my late 30s/early 40s I was very involved romantically with a co-worker (slightly older than me) for a few years. She wanted marriage but I didn't trust her judgement on life-in-general and I could not bring myself to marry someone who I didn't think was able to look out for her own best interests, much less mine. She broke up with me...repeatedly...but then kept coming back. I persevered because I was hoping she'd eventually persuade me she wasn't doomed to self-destruction. Eventually I stopped accepting her return. :-?

By my mid-40s I'd given up on ever marrying. Gals became just people to me. :hmph:

Then, at a Mensa party, I met a gal and we immediately hit it off. Our ages were about the same. We were both in Mensa. We'd both been in the Air Force, achieved the same rank, and had similar technical specialties. We enjoyed talking to each other. I did not follow-up and she later told me she was disappointed I hadn't asked for her phone number.

A few months later she needed a favor from someone, remembered me and realized I would be able to help her, and remembered enough about me that she was able to contact me for the favor. She called me just to ask for the favor and did not expect that we would meet in person.

But while talking to her I realized there was second favor I could do for her. I offered to help with that, also, but it meant we had to meet in person so I could give her some empty boxes that would be useful for a local move.

...and...um...our next wedding anniversary will be our 25th! :heart: :heart: :heart:
I guess I should add another Aspie twist. To give her the boxes we agreed to meet in a very, very large parking lot where she worked. (Followed by dinner out together! :D ) I'm an Aspie. I have face-blindness. I went to the parking lot early and stood around hoping someone would stop because I wouldn't recognize her! She stopped. Now, whenever I ask, she assures me that she was the gal I was supposed to meet. :lol:


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uncommondenominator
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30 Sep 2024, 3:08 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Why is it OK here, if not in reality?


Cos in reality, I've seen guys get laid-out for similar behaviors. In here, on the net, there is no such risk. They can get away with it here. It's easier to be "bold" when you're protected by several impenetrable barriers.



Double Retired
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30 Sep 2024, 3:09 pm

uncommondenominator wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Why is it OK here, if not in reality?


Cos in reality, I've seen guys get laid-out for similar behaviors. In here, on the net, there is no such risk. They can get away with it here. It's easier to be "bold" when you're protected by several impenetrable barriers.
8O The criteria for being "OK" is that you can get away with it?!


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funeralxempire
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30 Sep 2024, 3:13 pm

Double Retired wrote:
8O
uncommondenominator wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Why is it OK here, if not in reality?


Cos in reality, I've seen guys get laid-out for similar behaviors. In here, on the net, there is no such risk. They can get away with it here. It's easier to be "bold" when you're protected by several impenetrable barriers.


I think he's on to something. People are much more comfortable running their mouths when they know there's zero risk of getting punched in the face for it.


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uncommondenominator
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30 Sep 2024, 4:01 pm

Double Retired wrote:
uncommondenominator wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Why is it OK here, if not in reality?


Cos in reality, I've seen guys get laid-out for similar behaviors. In here, on the net, there is no such risk. They can get away with it here. It's easier to be "bold" when you're protected by several impenetrable barriers.
8O The criteria for being "OK" is that you can get away with it?!


For many people, yes, that's about the extent of their criteria for acceptability.



Canadian Freedom Lover
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30 Sep 2024, 4:12 pm

Double Retired wrote:
Double Retired wrote:
When I was in my late 20s I took a new job. An older female coworker apparently liked how I looked on paper and fixed me up to take her daughter (a few years younger than me) to a concert. I was a "gift". The daughter and I liked each other and continued dating but ultimately her mother had her daughter drop me when I wanted to make it more serious. :(

In my late 30s/early 40s I was very involved romantically with a co-worker (slightly older than me) for a few years. She wanted marriage but I didn't trust her judgement on life-in-general and I could not bring myself to marry someone who I didn't think was able to look out for her own best interests, much less mine. She broke up with me...repeatedly...but then kept coming back. I persevered because I was hoping she'd eventually persuade me she wasn't doomed to self-destruction. Eventually I stopped accepting her return. :-?

By my mid-40s I'd given up on ever marrying. Gals became just people to me. :hmph:

Then, at a Mensa party, I met a gal and we immediately hit it off. Our ages were about the same. We were both in Mensa. We'd both been in the Air Force, achieved the same rank, and had similar technical specialties. We enjoyed talking to each other. I did not follow-up and she later told me she was disappointed I hadn't asked for her phone number.

A few months later she needed a favor from someone, remembered me and realized I would be able to help her, and remembered enough about me that she was able to contact me for the favor. She called me just to ask for the favor and did not expect that we would meet in person.

But while talking to her I realized there was second favor I could do for her. I offered to help with that, also, but it meant we had to meet in person so I could give her some empty boxes that would be useful for a local move.

...and...um...our next wedding anniversary will be our 25th! :heart: :heart: :heart:
I guess I should add another Aspie twist. To give her the boxes we agreed to meet in a very, very large parking lot where she worked. (Followed by dinner out together! :D ) I'm an Aspie. I have face-blindness. I went to the parking lot early and stood around hoping someone would stop because I wouldn't recognize her! She stopped. Now, whenever I ask, she assures me that she was the gal I was supposed to meet. :lol:


Cute story, and thanks for helping bring things back on track.



WantToHaveALife
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30 Sep 2024, 7:56 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
yeah, its just i hear of lots of stories of guys, men, reaching 30s, 40s, an 50s and having never dated, or never had a girlfriend before, meanwhile i never or very rarely hear of stories or cases like that for women. Its a reminder on how cruel nature and reality can be.


The reminder of how cruel nature and reality can be is seen in the multiple threads we've created about interpersonal dating violence, sexual assault, the murder and exploitation of girls and women, and the fact women no longer own their bodies in many US states.


WantToHaveALife wrote:

I have to agree with this statement. Generally speaking the dating market is skewed more in women's favor. For example look at how many responses an average woman can get on a online dating profile compared to an average man. An average woman can get hundreds of offers for dates and sex whereas an average man may be lucky to get a handful of offers if any. This is also supported by the fact that we humans have twice as many female ancestors as male, indicating that most women in ancient times passed on their genes, while only half or less of the men did the same.

some mens dating coaches say, this, i agree with them, it is, men are naturally by default in scarcity with women, women naturally by default are in abundance with men.



It's misogynistic and unempathetic attitudes like this which lead to many men failing in the dating market.


Yeah, it doesn't help that this only added fuel to fire to me, it only made my mental and emotional health worse, when i sadly got involved with someone in which there was zero intimacy involved, our relationship never progressed beyond kissing and cuddling, making out, because of that, i refuse to call her an ex.



IsabellaLinton
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30 Sep 2024, 9:03 pm

I'm sorry you had that experience. I'm confused why you wouldn't want to call her your ex, if she's your ex?

In my case it doesn't help that I experienced violent SA, attempted murder, and had to see my kids abused by their own father as well as other aholes.

I hope everyone who has had it rough will find someone who makes them happy one day.


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30 Sep 2024, 11:05 pm

I'm afraid I'm going to get pilloried for this observation, but I feel a compulsion to offer it anyway.
While I agree with TP and IL that there has to be a significant number of women who are unmatched/unmatchable and I find the arguments of the disadvantaged men brigade unconvincing, no consideration seems given for half the women removing themselves from the pool of available romantic partners at menopause.
Since the half remaining are outnumbered significantly by possible NT matches, wouldn't that make it harder for any spectral males in the market?



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30 Sep 2024, 11:21 pm

Carbonhalo wrote:
no consideration seems given for half the women removing themselves from the pool of available romantic partners at menopause.

What do you mean?


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Carbonhalo
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01 Oct 2024, 12:16 am

The most consistent stat I've found suggests about half post menopausal women have no interest in sex. It's also consistent with my observations.

In fact, I don't know any post menopausal women still having sex



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01 Oct 2024, 12:26 am

Many post-menopausal women still desire and have sex including some on this forum. Even if it's true that 50% are no longer eager and willing, it doesn't mean that they wouldn't be interested in other aspects of a relationship like romance and companionship. Sex is only one part of the equation and isn't a necessary part for everyone. Doesn't male interest in sex often decrease around that time as well? Some couples have sex less often without stopping altogether.


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Carbonhalo
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01 Oct 2024, 12:42 am

Maybe my libido remains active because I've never had kids. Still... Of the 5 menopausal women of whom I know the sexual activity status, none are interested. Only 1 husband no longer has a sex drive, 4 couples have had multiple children. I suspect all 5 women would be happier single.

Hardly a significant sample size, but I AM a bit of a hermit.



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01 Oct 2024, 12:53 am

Yeah, the sample size is way too small to say anything, especially considering the fact that there is research which indicates that many post-menopausal women still have sexual desire. Even if some don't, it doesn't necessarily mean that they want to be alone. I think most people would prefer being in a fulfilling relationship whether sex is involved or not, not that there isn't a lot of individual variation. I will say that being alone seems to be hard for a lot of people, no matter their age or gender. Of course, better alone than in bad company.


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