How to detect Narcissists (common partner for AS/Asperger's)

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People with AS can be "narcissists". These things are not mutually exclusive. In writing here, I made a pretty good assumption that most people reading the forums are not narcissists. This kind of stuff ain't their bag. A fully kind and loving person on the spectrum can seem abusive (narcissistic) to people who are not. People who are not on the spectrum can seem abusive to those that are.

This is due to an inability to bridge the gap in communication.

People who are narcissistic tend to gravitate towards people who are "inferior" in their minds. What could be more inferior than a person who does not get social rules? (in the eyes of a narcissist). Ns will surround themselves with people who make them look good.

In my theory of Functional Cognitive Typology, the Respect Driven Type maps to NPD. The models predict that there is a matching of the Respect Driven Type with the Understanding Driven Type (maps to ADD/ADHD). I call this "the pattern" and it is "procreational".

You can be AS (Extra-cultural) and Respect (NPD), Acceptance (Normal), Understanding (ADD/ADHD) or Trust (possible schizophrenia)).
This theory explains part of the reason it is a spectrum. Not to mention that these types all are on continua.


Drone + Queen = Understanding Driven + Respect Driven = ADD/ADHD + NPD

I am ECU so I have been in many relationships with Respect Driven women (sociopaths and psychopaths are respect driven with a secondary drive of trust). Anybody with AS (Extra-Culturals) can end up with friends or partners with NPD.

I think I am clear on spotting a narcissist, but do you have anything to elaborate on how to deal with them?

If you really are dealing with an NPD individual (I can't say if you are or not), usually you have to plan an exit strategy. Reddit has some good forums for advice pacifying NPD individuals and planning exit strategies. I'm sorry you are going through this.

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/

Holy Moly

Maybe I'm a narcissist as well

That's a bit much to process at the moment

I looked at that link, but didn't get too much from it. What do you mean by exit strategy? You mean just ways to end the interaction with the person?

With the mirror test; if they gaze for too long in every mirror encountered in the house.

People with AS often have a very low self-esteem; if so they can't be narcissists.

Sort of. I mean ways to safely remove yourself from an abusive situation without setting off the other person or forgetting any essentials.

If the person cares about you and wants to work through things, it is really unlikely they are actually NPD.

There are more definitions and resources on this page: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcis ... lpfullinks

The part "Leaving a toxic environment" near the bottom has resources for, well, leaving.

But read as much as you can and really determine if you are in an abusive relationship, or just having relationship problems that can be worked through. A truly abusive relationship is very dangerous.

I think, if, somehow, ASD and NPD presented comorbidly, it would manifest very differently than classical NPD....

Because ASD folks tend to struggle socially. One of the main masks of an NPD individual is that they are smooth and charismatic, winning others over. Many ASD lack said charisma and charm.

Like that Elliot mass shooter? Narcissism + a major sense of failure/low self-esteem is a dangerous combination.

What about those people whose every conversation seems to be about their problems, their misery, their loneliness, their lack of friends, their shortcomings, and their experiences with being rejected by family and society?  If everything in their own little worlds is all about them, then how could they not have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder?  Narcissists don't necessarily have to be optimistic, just obsessed with themselves.

I think you just described "Covert" or "Vulnerable narcissists"

That's still not narcissism; narcissism means excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one's physical appearance

Possibly... I honestly can't deduce if public figures have NPD, or anything else....

I have to hang out in person for a while before I start to realize maybe this person has x

Well, according to The Mayo Clinic:• The "Inflated Sense of Their Own Importance" can also manifest as a belief in the over-riding importance of their negative self-image -- they believe that there is (or should be) nothing more important to anyone else other than themselves and their own problems.

• The "Deep Need for Excessive Attention and Admiration" can sometimes be expressed ("I just want a friend / someone to talk to / someone to listen to me") or implied ("Why doesn't anyone love me?", "Everybody hates me", "I should have never been born", et cetera).

• "Troubled Relationships" could include having no supportive relationships or no relationships at all.

• "Lack of Empathy for Others" is obvious when they have empathy only for themselves, or when they desire that others have empathy only for them.

• "Fragile Self-Esteem" comes into play when the person is easily discouraged, even if only a total stranger fails to notice them or otherwise acknowledge their presence.

• "Vulnerable to the Slightest Criticism" shows when even the most well-meaning suggestion that the person might put forth some of their own effort in making their life better is met with open hostility and even violence.

I submit the idea that people with NPD are not just the smiling, manipulative, cold-hearted monsters we've all come to know and hate, but they could also be what are commonly called "Attention Wh***s" and "Empathy Vampires".

I'm sure you can think of several such examples on your own.

Narcissists (Respect Driven) only can see themselves in your eyes. They say that eyes are the mirror to the soul but to narcissists, they are just mirrors.

They have to kinds of ways they act in your mirrors:

1. Angel imaging (I am the hero doing good deeds)

2. Demon imaging (I am going to make you suffer)
a. A subset of this is victim imaging

To deal with narcissists that you cannot avoid... give them the mirrors ONLY when they are Angel imaging. Don't look their way when they are demon imaging. Even aspies who have trouble looking in eyes work for them.

Never show emotion or pain when they are hurtful. Show them respect for their good deeds.

I don't think that narcissism is a disorder but a functionality in the human race. They are the chiefs and queens of the tribe.

The human species is pre-eusocial meaning that we have 4 main drives. Respect is one of those drives and in dysfunction, it is diagnosed as NPD. Same eye rules apply regardless.

Last edited by Chain on 02 Jul 2020, 11:53 am, edited 2 times in total.