I'm having a complete mental breakdown.

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Okay, this is going to be a total stream-of-consciousness rant, as the situtation in question has me unable to form coherent thoughts. I have been in a serious relationship (my only one ever) for almost 6 years now. Four years ago, she cheated on me... a lot... with a lot of different people. This went on for another two years. It was a cycle of finding out, forgiving her, then her starting up again, me finding out, etc... It was even so bad the last time that I didn't know if the baby she was carrying was mine until it was born. It was hell. Since then, my emotional state could best be describe as completely numb.
Now, however, there is this girl who works at the gas station up the road. I don't know anything about her and our interactions haven't gone beyond simple flirting for maybe a minute at a time. But I just can't stop thinking about her. I keep making (obvious) excuses to go to the gas station, buying little things I don't need, just to talk to her for a minute. I feel completely awakened inside when I am there and when I am not I am completely useless in any capacity because my thoughts are a total mess.
I am very very confused by all of this. I want it to stop. I have gone from Spock to crazy-shirtless-Sulu, swashbuckling in the hallways of the Enterprise. This is a completely new experience for me and the emotions I am feeling are alien and I want them to go away. Please, somebody help...

Well, I dont get the Spock/Sulu reference, but I can imagine the image of George Takei running half naked through hallways brandishing a pirate sword and can gather that it is pretty serious situation you are in.

My first question is, do you have a child with the girl you've been with for 6 years? As in, was it yours?

I think it's an AS trait of mine that I dont have the ability to sensor what I'm thinking in the few cases I open up to people so I've kinda just learned to roll with it. And I've kinda adopted Nash's game theory here and feel its best to just let the other person know everything.
I think it's easy to say cheat, she did it to you, she doesnt have to know. But no need to stoop to her level. Heck, it could even be rewarding in itself to be honest with her and tell her you're interested in someone else, sorta rub her nose in your taking of the moral high ground and not just cheating.

I would still first probe more with that gas station clerk you talked about. Dont go burning the girlfriend bridge to find out that other inviting bridge is not in service =P (though from what you've said I think the bridge is completely open for the crossing)

I say why not, your girlfriend sounds like she's not all that wonderful, and if you're like me, you probably feel stuck to the situation out of fear of not having something else. Afraid more of losing what you're used to than of losing someone you love.

That's just it... I'm not even sure what I'm feeling. I'm never good with emotions, especially my own.
I do have kids with her, three. The oldest isn't biologically mine, but I have been "daddy" to her since she was barely able to talk, and in my mind there is no difference between her (my oldest child) and my two biological children.
I know the natural order of this is quid pro quo and people say I should cheat after what was done to me... but I absolutely despise the very idea of it. And there is the other girl's feelings to consider. And that right there is what has me so confused... I am considering her feelings. And that is just ridiculous to me because I know nothing about her. I am physically attracted to her, but that is easy to shrug off, I do it all the time. It's the other thoughts... the curiousity about her, what interests her, what she does all day when she's not standing in a little air-conditioned booth... It feels like an Aspie-obsession, but with a person. And like I said, it is ridiculous. I go through the logic of it, telling myself I don't know her enough to be in such a state of mind, but my only response is "get to know her".
I am so confused... I went to the gas station 4 times in the span of 2 hours yesterday.

As for the Star Trek reference, it concerns the episode "The Naked Time" in which the crew is infected by a disease that makes them all act drunk and crazy, with Sulu running shirtless through the ship trying to fight people with a sword.

wowza, 3 kids. That puts a huge kink in things.

If you've stopped in there 4 times in 2 hours, she knows something. Even I would pick up on that. You have to say something to her.

Say something to who? The girl or my g/f?

The girl at the gas station. 4 times in 2 hours is real obvious.

Wow -- so much to talk about here.

Willa -- shame on you for not knowing the Sulu reference -- consider your Aspie card revoked

Drowbot --

I gotta ask, why did you stay with this woman after all of the cheating, let alone have children with her? I also wouldn't have recommended dating a single mom as a young guy. Surely there was someone better out there for you. This person never treated you with respect, so it's no wonder you are ambivalent about her. But now you have kids, and no matter what happens, you have financial and moral responsibility for them.

What you're experiencing with this new girl is limerence. Contrary to what willa says, I wouldn't go confessing anything to your wife. Really, you know nothing about gas station girl, but are just obsessing on her, much like how we Aspies obsess about most things in our lives. Does she know anything about your life and responsibilities? Your kids? Do you know anything about her real life? Also, she works at a gas station, so it doesn't seem like she's on a really great career path so far. You might want to aim higher.

I say this having obsessed in similar ways on women, especially when things were bad with my own relationship or life. It's an escape fantasy, but it's not realstic. Keep things normal, and wait for this to wear off. Yeah, the grass may look greener, but your lawn seems to have always been yellow, and you need to deal with your own lawn first.

Don't do anything you will regret, and know that crushes and obsessions like this are normal, but should be controlled and gotten past.

Sometimes I am depressed because I am single and a virgin, other times I am glad that I am not in a situation such as this. I would freak out. I have a good idea of what sort of woman I want to be with. But sometimes I'm too desperate. I would go nuts if someone cheated on me like that

I remember everything I have ever read from you. To me, you sound like a different person from the one in this text here about AS guys married to attractive NT wives:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp2195080 ... t=#2195080

And you're even considering tossing that for some piece of skirt? Well, if you cheat all I can tell you is that you are about to learn the true meaning of "regret" and "gargantuan, colossal mistake". Life itself will be a far better teacher than I ever could be.

I would also point out that further up this linked thread, you unequivocally state that you are married to this woman which you now seem to be contradicting. This makes me tend to not trust your post in general.