The love hater

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A few moments ago I realized that I hate the notion of any relationship. I want to stay alone forever and be left in peace to do my own stuff and I'm serious about it. The idea of having a new girlfriend is actually making me sick to my stomack. Is this condition temporary? I don't know.

EDIT: Typo.

Last edited by Kenjuudo on 03 Jun 2009, 9:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It seems to be temporary in most cases. It's very difficult to deny certain basic emotional needs for extended periods, even if they are present to a lesser degree than in others. I never liked the notion of relationships yet often found myself in them and remaining in them due to certain needs, though my emotional needs are less than most and I don't crave relationships.

I'm not without any experience. In fact, I've been with more girls than average guys. I'm however soon going to celebrate 2 full years of celibacy while still being plagued by two ex-girlfriends on various communication channels...

I went througha long period where i thought the same thing. Probably for different reasons though. My social panic/anxiety disorder was so bad that i just gave up, 'cause I was so uncomfortable around people that I couldn't stand it. That went on for more than 10 years, maybe even 15.

Since then, I've done alot of reading to try and understand my problems. That has helped me reverse the damage that was done, and slowly change my mind. I'm still not 100% yet, but it's coming, someday.

I have also serious social anxiety, but that's not the reason why I absolutely don't want a girlfriend. I want to sit alone in my apartment, eat pizza, drink coffee, smoke and program the computer every day until I die from lung cancer, heart attack or stroke, whichever comes first. I'm not obligated to anybody and nobody nags. Only times I have to see other people are when I have to go the groceries. I'm already practicing the hermit thing that another poster mentioned and I love it. The mere thought of having someone to relate to makes me wanna puke.

^That is EXACTLY how I'm living now.

It's cool, but i've been doing it for 5 years now, and am starting to want a gf. I'm very picky though, so i won't even consider it unless I know we're made for each other. I don't see the point of trying to make something work, when it wasn't meant to be, so I'll wait until I meet the right person. I'm not going to set myself up for failure.(and everything that goes with it)


Wait, what was my point again?

Hehe.

A little bit of chatting on a semi anonymous internet forum covers all my social needs.

I hear ya. It's starting to become so natural, that I don't realize I'm stuck in this routine. It feels normal, like it's the same thing everyone else is doing with their life. Is that a sign?

Well, I for one don't regret it at all. I've spent so much time philosophying over life, the universe, intelligence, religion and stuff and have actually come to a state of enlightenment where everything fits together. A serious implication is that I've concluded that there is no goal to life. It just is. That means sitting alone in a dark apartment is exactly as viable as an option as being social and/or intimate with anybody.

I am the same way. The whole point of dating different people is to learn things, improve yourself, and to figure out what you really want out of a partner. I pretty much know what I am looking for already, and I won't settle for any less. I have met women that had some or most of what I am looking for, but not the whole package, so I pretty much passed them up. The bad thing about that is; I have missed out on a lot of fun and good opportunities. So, I guess this would be kind of a catch-22 situation.

That's sort of what I was saying, but not exactly. I don't try to figure out what i want out of a partner, I figure most of it won't matter. All I care is that we have personalities that work together, and all the rest will fall in place. I know this sounds sappy, but i believe in destined compatibility, a "soulmate", if you will. There are women out there that will automatically understand you completely, and vice-versa, without having to "adjust" to each other.

That natural connection is rare, and that's why so many relationships/marriages fail. People get impatient(and many other reasons), and try to make relationships work, when they were never meant to be. That just makes for alot of trouble and misery. For me, the wait for that natural compatibility is worth it.

Even if "the right person"-theory were true, it doesn't automatically mean she has materialized on this planet yet. Nevermind finding her. Oh, and you will definately not find her by being passive (like me).

It's not that I have given up, but I don't really care. I don't want a girlfriend. It's just not something that I need.

Well, if you ever do change your mind, this bit might be of interest....My "the right person" theory pertains to multiple women, not just one. Although still rare, that should help increase your hope a bit.

This is pretty close to how I feel. Relationships do crimp your freedom to do some of the things that you want to do. I'm so used to the freedom I don't think I could give it up. I basically do what I want to do when I want to do it.

I agree completely, the thought of a relationship is nauseating. Now I need to find that button to switch to asexuality and I'll be set.

So DO it!

You can always change your mind.