Why not to go after an aspie girl

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We outnumber them. Yet it seems that many aspie men claim to limit themselves to only aspie girls so they are always slobbering over them. The odds are not good. My guess is that the aspie girls are sometimes annoyed because, being aspies, they don't like having that much attention. So we have a lot of guys going after a small group of girls that is largely not interested. And if you're looking for "the loving touch of a woman" my guess would be that they are also not the best place to look because many of them will have tactile sensitivities. I'm not bashing aspie girls or saying that it can't work, but I am saying that it would be foolish for an aspie guy to close his mind to NT women just because he has a stereotype of them as "brainless barbie doll c**ts." I have met a few barbie doll look a likes that are very intelligent but get a lot of disrespect because many people equate their blondness with dumbness and superficiality. No guarantees but an open mind should help the odds.

none of my husbands, nor my many live-in relationships were with an Aspie man. Well, maybe one, but I didn't know back then, and he didn't know either.

but Tony Attwood says there are just as many female Aspies as male, we just present differently in social situations. I mean no one looks at a girl funny if they aren't into sports or competitive games. Being quiet and shy as a symptom of AS is over looked in girls, too.


Merle

none of my husbands, nor my many live-in relationships were with an Aspie man. Well, maybe one, but I didn't know back then, and he didn't know either.
but Tony Attwood says there are just as many female Aspies as male, we just present differently in social situations. I mean no one looks at a girl funny if they aren't into sports or competitive games. Being quiet and shy as a symptom of AS is over looked in girls, too.


Merle

I totally agree.
limiting yourself to aspies only is somewhat indicative of a closed (and biased, dare I say elitist?) mindset.
I'm an aspie female, and yes I've found an aspie male and love him to pieces. <3 so maybe I'm not the best person to preach, but I'm thinking it might be a little less frustrating looking for a mate if you were more open minded.

thankyou merle: I think I missed a step.
it's the limiting yourself to an aspie diagnosis. it's like limiting yourself to blondes: somewhat pointless. other girls can have all the same (or very similar) characteristics, without the diagnosis. so I'm not just being critical, there's a method to the madness.

Last edited by Strangegem on 05 Apr 2009, 3:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

I went a long time undiagnosed with aspergers and went out with a few guys.

There's probably a lot of females that're out there undiagnosed.

Tune your Asdar cos most are undiagnosed. I know one undiagnosed who acts NT perfectly.

If you're going to be picky enough to only go out with women with AS, you're probably also picky enough to not feel comfortable with women who may or may not fit the diagnostic criteria. So in practice, the pool of women to choose from would only (or almost only) be among those who have already been diagnosed.

Men diagnosed with AS outnumber women diagnosed with AS. If WP is any indication, a large proportion of women diagnosed with AS marry early. Also, a relatively large proportion of women diagnosed with AS are asexual. Besides that, you have the touch and intimacy issues already mentioned in the original post. Overall I don't think it is a good criteria for someone who hasn't had success in dating in general.

I would but the male aspie gene is stronger than the female, infact i havent met a single aspie girl in my whole life

Are you serious?

Huh.....never been married.

Now GoatOnFire... it seems to me, one should just go out and get laid in whatever way one can. why all this talk of aspie girls and NT girls? brainless girls? intelligence? bah humbug.

Be a devil.
Better still...roast on the spit of life.

find a nice girl, any girl, even a not nice girl.....

lighter, torchsong...fireworks......
but above all...make sure, make damn sure... she looks like a brainless "barbie doll c**t."

that's my take on it as a rather skewed 46 year old aspie bag who believes we are here on earth to at least try to enjoy ourselves just every so often.

In my case it wasn't exactly a choice. Basically only AS girls wanted me. I have been 'chasing' enough other girls (in a friendly way, really ), both normal or with other problems. With none of them I could really get a relationshiplike contact. Then I met the first aspie girl (both undiagnosed and not aware by the way) and it would have been a relationship if she wasn't already in one. Shortly after my diagnosis I met another online and we went almost straight into a relationship and now marriage. The first aspie girl is a good friend of ours.

Based on these experiences my conclusion is for some reason it only works with aspie girls. I have nothing against normal girls, even with some lunacy in them (AN, BPS), but it never worked. Also in a lot of the cases were they did not want me I can say in hindsight it would not have worked.

I cannot say it would be elitist if i did it, i just know i have had many problems with NT women because they will make fun of your oddness and take advantage of you. So it's not elitism, just that my experiences have taught me to look for aspie girls.

I'd agree with this, not because I wouldn't like to have a partner who has Asperger's, but because both of you would be cancelled out by the lack of the non-verbal communication cues/facial expression/body language so essential for courtship. I guess having one partner with NT-level ability at non-verbal communication is better than none.

I'm not sure it would be realistic to assume that every aspie female is dreaming of meeting a guy exactly like me.

I'm not sure it would be realistic to assume that every aspie female is somebody I'd enjoy being around for hours at a time every day.

I'm not sure it would be realistic to assume that every aspie female is a paragon of virtues, immune to the common vices of humanity.

There might be a mild statistical bias, but automatically ruling out 99 percent of the population doesn't make much sense.

Hehe, ok, to write something in the correct thread this time - there's a culture around 'bona fide' aspies that I can't relate to generally. I feel like I can much more easily relate to either an NT, an NT with aspie traits, or maybe even a mild aspie girl who doesn't know a thing about AS (ie. if the later has a personality that can get traction with mine and someone who I can actually enjoy a conversation with as well as have attraction toward). When I have met aspie girls though IRL - there's no special spark just from meeting someone else who has it; not that it should even be surprising, when you think about it it really shouldn't be, just that your really best off going for personality and chemistry first and AS/NT likely *dead last* if at all.

I know that in theory the idea sounds great but in reality, unless your real heavily hit with your AS and you'd need an unwieldy amount of understanding, its about as sensible as being a diabetic and thinking that your best bet is to go online to find another diabetic to date and marry all the while thinking that it'll be so much better than dating or marrying a non-diabetic.

I have to agree with you on that one. Most of the "Barbie doll" looking women I've met (as well as a good deal of blondes) are quite intelligent, and many of them are also good people (in that they aren't overly manipulative, like most of the women that have expressed "interest" in me were...)

The issue I have with NT women is that they're overall "party" people... They're constantly wanting to go out in overly social situations that just placing me in would make me freak out. Good for them if they want to go (I'm actually good friends with a few women that are like that)... if that's what makes them happy, I'm not at all against them doing what they desire. But it makes it impossible for me to connect to NT women in general, and it makes it even harder when they start expecting that I attend whatever social crap they drag me to... hence, I need to find AS women that aren't going to make me do such things... or even one of those few NT women that isn't some party animal... either way, my choices are limited by circumstance...