Planning on talkinig to a girl tomorrow got any tips?
One thing I've noticed is that no matter what I try, it's hard to show up on a date without feeling some type of anxiety, the best dates I've ever had were after some other anxiety producing activity. Other than rock climbing or a job interview/exam, my advice would be working yourself to exhaustion. You could go to the gym and just throw yourself into a workout, it might help to keep her in mind when working out (or not, it's up to you). But once you get your system exhausted, you'll have less nervous energy on the date (not to mention a better focus). If she agreed to go on a date with you, then you must have the stuff to take it the rest of the way, and you have to realize that she wants to get to know you a little more (and you must want to get to know her).
On the date, it would be useful to talk about the subjects she gives you. I have this habit of hearing a story and thinking I need to one up her with mine. I fixed this by giving my perspective opn her stories. For instance, this one girl told me about how bad her roomate was, I didn't have a bad roomate story at the time, so I just asked more questions about the bad roomate and as soon as I had heard enough, I said "Wow, what a b**ch." I really meant it at that point because I knew enough about her roomate, I went on to say "If she did that to me, I'd have done the same thing/worse/or wouldn't have taken that, it must've taken some patience to deal with her, ect..." whatever you can think of to indicate that you get what she's saying and can identify. I could disagree with her on the movies she liked, but never take someone else's side against her on the first date unless she's picking a fight with your mother. That guidline should help you enjoy the date more (along with being in a relaxed enough state). In the end, it's about you enjoying that date as much as she does, so give yourself a break too, especially if you're the one paying.
Shy? I have advice now.
Shy people tend to have limited trust in others (perhaps she's been offended by your outgoing peers), I have a reason to believe that you are more softspoken or more polite than the other people who have shown interest. If this isn't the case you can tell me I'm wrong.
It would be in your benefit to be assertive on the date and take the lead, but be open to her suggestions, I've been extremely shy and one thing I hate is feeling like I'm not being listened to when I get the courage to speak. I don't mean to instill fear into you, but I have to let you know that you shouldn't ignore her when she has something to say, especially when it's a decision she makes, shy people have a hard time asserting themselves and it will mean a lot to her to have someone listen.
Now as far as remaining agreeable, it's up to you, I can't say whether or not she wants to have an intellectual discussion or a get to know you session, I just haven't met her.
Being a decent guy never hurts though, being decent can be as simple as explaining yourself when she seems interested, or just saying it's a long story, or you could talk about it all day and you'd rather hear about her. She'd like to get to know you more, but I'm sure she wants you to find things out about her.
That staying calm advice goes in double now, I don't think you want to try anything too intimate on a first date, in fact you should just find someting to complement and see if she feels comfortable with that (note, you are on your own in that department). She might want the calm leader/caregiver type, so if you have any protective or guiding qualities, you might want to bring them out. This is a lot of information to go over, but you have enough qualities for her to like you, it's just a matter of letting her see them.
Shy people tend to have limited trust in others (perhaps she's been offended by your outgoing peers), I have a reason to believe that you are more softspoken or more polite than the other people who have shown interest. If this isn't the case you can tell me I'm wrong.
It would be in your benefit to be assertive on the date and take the lead, but be open to her suggestions, I've been extremely shy and one thing I hate is feeling like I'm not being listened to when I get the courage to speak. I don't mean to instill fear into you, but I have to let you know that you shouldn't ignore her when she has something to say, especially when it's a decision she makes, shy people have a hard time asserting themselves and it will mean a lot to her to have someone listen.
Now as far as remaining agreeable, it's up to you, I can't say whether or not she wants to have an intellectual discussion or a get to know you session, I just haven't met her.
Being a decent guy never hurts though, being decent can be as simple as explaining yourself when she seems interested, or just saying it's a long story, or you could talk about it all day and you'd rather hear about her. She'd like to get to know you more, but I'm sure she wants you to find things out about her.
That staying calm advice goes in double now, I don't think you want to try anything too intimate on a first date, in fact you should just find someting to complement and see if she feels comfortable with that (note, you are on your own in that department). She might want the calm leader/caregiver type, so if you have any protective or guiding qualities, you might want to bring them out. This is a lot of information to go over, but you have enough qualities for her to like you, it's just a matter of letting her see them.
No worries I'm quite the gentleman compared to my peers thanks for the advice
the_wife
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 29 Jun 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Female
Posts: 55
Location: Colorado
You say you're "talking" to a girl. I'm not sure if this means that the two of you will be together on a sort of date where it will just be the two of you for a relatively long period of time, or if the two of you will just happen to be at an event at the same time.
MDD123's advice about working off some nervous energy beforehand is good. Also, I would just say not to think too much about what you're going to say. Come up with a few icebreaker type topics that you can initiate a conversation with (since you say she's shy, it may fall on your shoulders to get the ball rolling). Keep these topics to common interests between you and her.
Then, based on her response, just take the conversation from there. Don't go in with a whole dialogue already built up in your head, that may cause you to not pay attention to what she says in response because you're too worried about remembering the next thing you were going to say. Ever see an interview on the news or something where it's clear that the reporter is just reciting the questions, but not really paying attention to the answers? It's obvious he or she is not paying attention and is insincere.
It's like dancing. Just listen to the music and respond. Don't try to count the beats.
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It's a shame, but it could be a blessing in disguise, if you made a good impression she could keep you in mind (or possibly put in the good word for you). I can't sound any more positive than that though, I hear the word "boyfriend" and I feel like starting a fight (not the perfect gentleman here).
It's a shame, but it could be a blessing in disguise, if you made a good impression she could keep you in mind (or possibly put in the good word for you). I can't sound any more positive than that though, I hear the word "boyfriend" and I feel like starting a fight (not the perfect gentleman here).
Its ok I've been in so many different situations in my life already so I have a very broad view of things. In the end things always works out for the best and I'm very patient.
