Middle-aged Aspie wants to live

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I didnt shave until 22. Also I felt I was wide of hips instead of narrow. Not manly looking. I had no knowledge of Asperger's then. So I just assumed that I was being rejected on physical grounds and therefore I would always be single. That was it. Now I feel it was because I had no non-verbal communication skills. I knew my small group of geeky friends would eventually find someone and then I would be totally alone. And that's what happened.

I've never had a girl friend and I havent had a friend in over 20 years. Surprisingly Im not bitter just sad sometimes.

Odd thing is now I at 47 I sometimes get 18year olds tuning on me. Maybe they always have and Ive been unaware of it?
Problem is, these situations are tempting but could lead to a reputation as a dirty old geezer. Is it considered morally OK to persue them sexually if that seems to be what they want? Or is it likely that because Im so much older they are only flirting for fun and thinking Im so much older they expect me not to respond?

I also think that some of the automatic NT development I lacked had started to occur before I became aware of Asperger's. Is it too late to start life?

I'd like more experience with women but don't know where to start. Women my age seem old enough to be my mother. I guess I see myself as just starting adulthood, not as an adult. I am more comfortable talking to younger guys and find little in common with guys my age.

Has anyone else had similar thoughts?

18 year olds tune in on you because you have had decades of experience being "18". I understand about your reluctance to be considered a 'dirty old geezer' and would suggest you listen to that inside yourself. Nothing is worse than innocent intentions being misconstrued and having to defend well. . nothing, really. But not in the minds of those that think of it in that way.

I don't know what would make it better. but I think that would make it worse.
glad you are here and have a place to think it all out, first.
Merle

I'm right there with you...

Merle is right about the 18-year-olds. Even NT men fail to correctly decode the non-verbal signals that women send - and with AS, it is much worse. So enjoy the attention, but don't take it seriously. Assume that these girls are just being nice - or engaging in what they consider to be harmless teasing.

I do believe (HAVE to believe) that it is possible to start a life "in the middle," so to speak. I've been systematically trying to set my life in order for a number of years. I re-trained into a technical field, so I could get a job that suited my strongest traits. I got in shape through lots of exercise & a healthy diet, so I couldn't use my appearance as an excuse for not having a social life. Finally, I learned about AS & received a diagnosis at the age of 50 - so now I understand much more about the neurological differences that have shaped my life. I'm using this new-found knowledge to seek out social interaction with people who share my characteristics. (This last part is a work in progress.)

Are there any aspie support groups in your area? I recently attended my first get-together with others on the spectrum & had a great time. It was so refreshing to find myself in a group where I didn't feel any pressure to act "normal" in order to fit in. Everyone came "as they are" and we had a great time.

For me, it was definite step in the direction of having a social life. I believe there is hope.

Never too late. I thought I was a pretty old guy starting my "life" at 24, out of college, & hitting on women 5 years younger. It wasn't, just all in my head. You connect with who you connect with; despite what other people who don't matter think.

One benefit of getting older is that people view you with more respect. What may have been considered a nerdy rambling in your youth might now be viewed as hard-earned wisdom. Take advantage of it.