Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ] 

CrinklyCrustacean
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,284

22 Jun 2009, 8:45 pm

I belong to 3 different forums where relationship issues are discussed. In every single one of them the same topics are being brought up, with the main one being boys struggling to find girls who love them too. In real life, my friends (both NT and aspie, male and female) also have trouble in this way.

I'm not saying that having autism doesn't aggravate the problem of finding a partner, but the people who post can't all be autistic, surely?

If you want a look at the mentioned websites, they are:

postsecret.com (the 'secrets and stories' and 'secrets of ages 20 and over' are the havens for this)
chinese-forums.com (look under 'Society')
and of course, our very own Wrong Planet.

Anyway, I just wondered what everyone thinks. :)



Jacaen
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 31 Aug 2006
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 81

22 Jun 2009, 8:57 pm

Chinese Forums? No wonder they can't find girls, isn't there a shortage of them in China? :?



Peko
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,381
Location: Eastern PA, USA

22 Jun 2009, 9:00 pm

Yes its universal. B/c most everyone wants a partner to share their life with (sexual or non sexual soulmate). :D


_________________
Balance is needed within the universe, can be demonstrated in most/all concepts/things. Black/White, Good/Evil, etc.
All dependent upon your own perspective in your own form of existence, so trust your own gut and live the way YOU want/need to.


MDD123
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,007

22 Jun 2009, 11:44 pm

I think you're beginning to realize a bigger picture. There's an unrealistic image of what is acceptable in love and hollywood seems to be place that sells it. I mean it doesn't address all the problems, but it could explain why we expect what we see on tv. I didn't know I was even capable of loving someone who didn't fit the mold until it happened. I can't say it was intentional, but I feel completely different, I'm not saying we have to look for an unattractive partner in life either, I'm just pointing out that we have a preconcieved notion of what attractivness is and when we set our sights on that hollywood starlet, we're wanting what most people find acceptable, not what we really find attractive.

I personally have a hard time finding many models attractive, in the past I would point out what I liked and people would ask "why her? why not someone better looking?"

Don't get me wrong, I use looks when I decide who I like, but I can't just fall in love with a statue. That's my take on the problem. The solution is a better perception and everyone is on their own for that one.



CrinklyCrustacean
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,284

23 Jun 2009, 2:54 am

Jacaen wrote:
Chinese Forums? No wonder they can't find girls, isn't there a shortage of them in China? :?


China isn't the only country with Chinese people in it, and that particular forum shows the problem to be cross-cultural.



dougn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Aug 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 773

23 Jun 2009, 3:05 am

It is perhaps not a universal problem in that every single person experiences it, but it is absolutely a universal problem in that it effects every kind of person out there.

It is reasonable to think it may be worse on average for people with autism but to suggest that it only affects us or that we make up a large portion of the people who have trouble finding partners would be ridiculously naive.

Many, many people have a hard time finding a partner. Most people I know who are my age (early 20s) have certainly not. And the few who have consider themselves extremely lucky.

Just look at all the cultural material (books, movies, music...) out there on this subject. Is there anything that has had more said about it, in every form of media, than the problems of finding a mate?



Jacaen
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 31 Aug 2006
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 81

23 Jun 2009, 7:41 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
Jacaen wrote:
Chinese Forums? No wonder they can't find girls, isn't there a shortage of them in China? :?


China isn't the only country with Chinese people in it, and that particular forum shows the problem to be cross-cultural.


Yeah, I know. It was a lame attempt at humor/political highlighting.