It's not us (the men) who wrote this!

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http://www.newsweek.com/id/202008/page/1


An ultimate evolutionary wisdom .

Hmm interesting.

I agree with the idea of marrying someone similar to you; if you marry someone with a similar income, and similar values, then arguments are less likely to crop up.

I think a low income woman marrying a high income man would cause the same sorts of problems as a low income man marrying a high income woman though. Neither is an ideal scenario.

In my opinion, marrying a man for money is a form of prostitution.

The article hints at women making money a factor in relationship decisions in the context of planning ahead for divorce before marriage. How's that for acting in good faith?

I've resented being overlooked because of money. To keep my interest a woman would need to at least pretend convincingly that she's addressing me and not just my money. Someone who is looking for money could just as well take half of someone else's money and then come to me when and if she becomes ready to direct her affections at a person. The early bird catches the worm, but it's the second mouse that takes the cheese.

Last edited by sgrannel on 25 Jun 2009, 12:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

that's BS, quite a few girls I know have married guys with lower incomes. it's hardly ever an issue in real life.

it's funny how popular this belief is here though.

only certain women can deal with the power relations in such a marriage. I don't think they are the majority.

No, it isn't. I have met someone who went right to money/job in her first opening sentence when she met me. She refused to drop the subject, and then she rejected me when I told her I was in graduate school. She didn't even bother to make it seem less obvious. I'm not just imagining this.

The thing is, some women will marry for love and attraction. Others will marry for money and then cheat with someone they're attracted to. Either way, they're going for attraction. Ideally, I would like to be the one married for love and attraction, but if I have to choose one of the lesser alternatives, I'd rather be the guy she cheats with for attraction than the guy who was married for money.

Last edited by sgrannel on 25 Jun 2009, 1:12 pm, edited 2 times in total.

yes, for some women the money is equal with attraction. what I'm saying is that it's not the norm. maybe you were just unlucky.

Yes, that instance was unlucky. Good luck is created by recognizing something bad, walking away, and counting one's blessings. If I encounter something bad once, then odds are I'll encounter it again, and my encounter demonstrates that this is a significant enough concern that I will need to filter for it. This will only be even more true when I eventually have more money.

if it ever happens again just tell the girl that you're a big fan of pre-nups ;D

You can't blame someone for trying to look out for themselves, I know women who have gone against their emotional instinct because they knew a more financially sound partner would help them more in the long run. I've had an opportunity to get with women who were more financially sound but otherwise a complete turnoff for me, all the money in the world can't make me enjoy someone I'm not attracted to.

Prenups sound unromantic. It's so easy to say you'll get a prenup, but if she's the love of your life and you don't have the heart to argue with her (for fear of losing her), how do you think you'll get that prenup? I'm not saying it's a bad thing to have, I'd certianly try to get one. But it's something worth thinking about, if you're too scared to argue with the person you want to marry, how much of yourself are you going to lose by pursuing that relationship?

Of course they do! You're basically saying, "I really love you and I think you are the one for me, but just in case I'm wrong..."

If you are that confident you are right for each other, then why do you need a Prenup?

I will just talk according to the girls I knew in my surrounding, about those who got married during my education in university and those in my workplace and in extended family.

The average wedding cost is about $15000 here while our GDP sucks big time , a sum of $ 15000 is the sum that an average worker citizen can get in 3 years here, and this cost traditionally all falls on the man's part.

I have never witnessed any girl trying to make it any easier for her fiancée , by reducing any meaningless costs in the wedding process (usually in the contrary). The wedding ring must always be in diamond , the cheapest one is around $1500 and there should be another gold ring (the regular ring) that usually costs in hundreds of USDs.

Girls would even prefer to wait extra couple of years so the Fiancée can gather enough money for a "respectful" marriage" (and usually work abroad in the Gulf countries to get enough money) rather than just accepting a simple closed marriage.

What does this indicate? that indicates that the husband's wealth is the prime requirement for marriage , of course that example is cultural but so the case in most 3rd world countries.

Anyways, that doesn't concern me since I am anti-marriage as a whole but just wanted to add couple of thoughts.

Last edited by LePetitPrince on 25 Jun 2009, 3:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I suppose a prenup is a good idea in principle, but in practice it might not work if it signals a lack of trust.

A better idea might be to keep some accounts and property of your own, with only your name on them, in addition to any joint accounts and property. If the worst happens, you can say "I had these before we met". Be fair, though. If you're both paying for the house, both your names should be on it. Some loss of money and things is part of the risk one must accept going into a relationship. Just make sure you've kept enough out for yourself to be comfortable, and be accepting if the partner wants to do the same. Anything you've kept out for yourself should be honestly disclosed, with the idea that anything of sole ownership is still potentially available for use by both, and that sole ownership of some of the money and stuff shouldn't make any difference if the partner isn't just using you and planning to leave you.

This is just good business practice. Marriage is, among other things, partly a business/financial partnership. I know people who have been screwed over in private joint business, too, because they didn't keep enough out for themselves to be comfortable if things go bad.

This money/relationship issue can be a barrier to entering relationships, but it also has significant implications for established relationships. It keeps coming up not because the men here are inept, deluded, or feeling sorry for themselves, but because it is a significant and legitimate concern.

I see it as yet another "nice guys vs jerks" type of excuse to be sexist. no offense LPP.

well it's your theory too isn't it?

Sexist means thinking the other gender as inferior, I don't see the other gender as inferior in any regard.