looking for a special girl friend. please respond.

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michael23
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20 Jun 2009, 11:24 pm

Hi everyone.

My name is Michael and I am 23 years old and I am recently new to the forum and have not been having much luck with finding people to talk to and even possibly relate to what I am going through when it comes to living with asperger's syndrome.

I was not sure where to post this topic, however, I felt this was the best place to post it.

It has been very hard for me to get out and meet people because unfortunately I cannot drive an automobile and I used to be a part of a program for young adults with hidden disabilities and for the first time in my life I felt like I really was fitting in and I was also a part of the "in crowd" however, some problems arose and I was asked to leave.

Having said that I just wish I could find someone to talk to and could possibly relate to what I am going through since I have been living with asperger's syndrome since the age of 10.

I would like someone who will be there to love and support through the calm and rocky seas. I would also prefer to talk to a woman because of some things that have happened to me in my past I have become more accustomed to talking with women.

I just would like to meet a special girl friend even if we are not dating someone who I can not only be able to trust but open up to and talk to about anything and everything. I would also hope and pray that with time the person feels that they can trust me and would be willing to open up and talk to me about anything and everything.

if you feel you might be that special girl feel free to respond on the post or message me. I hope someone would be willing to get to know a special guy like myself.



LePetitPrince
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21 Jun 2009, 7:12 am

Things would be bit easier for you if you remove this elitist (special) mindset from your head....



MikeH106
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21 Jun 2009, 7:34 am

Does 'special' mean elite?

We are also hardwired to notice degrees of attractiveness according to biological theory: see my essay, Darwinism and Sexual Selection.


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willa
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21 Jun 2009, 8:07 am

LePetitPrince wrote:
Things would be bit easier for you if you remove this elitist (special) mindset from your head....


What did he say that came off as elitist? He just said he's looking for someone special. I think it more implies it in the sense he's looking for that one special person meant for him.

Anyways. Best of luck to you! Dont be afraid of being single, not such a bad thing, maybe like you said, just someone close you can trust and be honest with and is there to talk to.


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michael23
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21 Jun 2009, 9:45 am

I am not trying to be critical for the few who responded to this topic which I do appreciate it.

My goal was to see if I could find a special girl friend to respond to this forum post as well as hopefully get to know and be able to talk to her about anything and everything because that is what I need.

I know we are a part of a special group but I was kind of upset when the person who responded to this called us elitie. You do not know me and I do not know you but make sure you are careful with how you word these because some people make take offense if you say we are an elite group of people.

One last thing. I hope to find a girl to respond to this and I can not emphasize that enough I was a girl to respond.

Thanks
and no im not going to put this in the womens forum so do not even think about telling me to do that.



Kenjuudo
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21 Jun 2009, 12:19 pm

michael23: I think you are exemplary brave and you sound like a real nice guy. Don't let anybody get to you. They just envy your courage. I hope you find the girl you are looking for. Carry on dude! ;)


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LePetitPrince
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21 Jun 2009, 12:35 pm

michael23 wrote:

I know we are a part of a special group but I was kind of upset when the person who responded to this called us elitie. You do not know me and I do not know you but make sure you are careful with how you word these because some people make take offense if you say we are an elite group of people.



I don't fear your threats , I word however I want to word.



Well, in all cases ...even if you don't mean "special" as something superior it would create the same difficulties for you. Believing that you are something "Spechules" means that you think that the whole majority of humans are "non-specials" in any way and hence don't deserve your attention.

What makes you special? Do you have a high IQ ? Do you have some savant talent? Are you a scientist? Are you some champion in some sport? Or it's just the fact that you are born with AS that makes you 'special'?

Define me "Special" please.



michael23
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21 Jun 2009, 6:01 pm

I am getting sick and tired of not having any women respond to what I not only have written but in getting feedback if I said I want any and all feedback that I would appreciate if guys would respond as well. However, since I did not say this please read it and move on. Thank you.

and as far as being special I prefer to call it unique

but do not forgot no more males responding to this please.

thank you.

have i made myself clear yet?

hope so.



willa
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21 Jun 2009, 8:00 pm

again, best of luck to you!


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WXDustin
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21 Jun 2009, 8:02 pm

Obviously you can not speak english well or function in everyday society. Your attitude is arrogant and you are not going to find girls here.



michael23
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21 Jun 2009, 8:34 pm

I am really not sure how to respond to this except the fact that I feel very hurt and frustrated by this because I do not know you and you do not know me so please be careful with what you say to me if you say anything at all because you never know what kind of affect it could have on me or others.

Like I said I have plenty of male friends. I am trying to find a girl who can relate to what I am going through only her difficulty would be trying to make and keep guy friends that might become a potential boyfriend.

So, yes I can speak english very well and function in society. However, if you are a guy please only read this and move on.

thank you.



WXDustin
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21 Jun 2009, 8:39 pm

michael23 wrote:
I am really not sure how to respond to this except the fact that I feel very hurt and frustrated by this because I do not know you and you do not know me so please be careful with what you say to me if you say anything at all because you never know what kind of affect it could have on me or others.

Like I said I have plenty of male friends. I am trying to find a girl who can relate to what I am going through only her difficulty would be trying to make and keep guy friends that might become a potential boyfriend.

So, yes I can speak english very well and function in society. However, if you are a guy please only read this and move on.

thank you.
I didn't mean to offend you, person. I'm just saying you write in the third person, and you are not going to find a girlfriend on this website.



MDD123
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22 Jun 2009, 12:58 am

I wish it were that easy, I mean sometimes I just want to throw my head up and tell the universe my demands and hope for it to understand. In reality, I'm the only one who understands what I want, and so are you. I know what you mean by wanting somebody for stability, but from experience, it takes more than just stability to enjoy a relationship, not to say you don't deserve one but in order to enjoy stability, you have to prove yourself stable first. Posting your intent in a forum is very useful for affirming your intent but it won't get through to everyone else, it will project an image that people are willing to criticize.

My ideal girl is less crazy than me, but able to appreciate my craziness (I'm pretty friggin crazy man, you don't even wanna know). I think you are experiencing so much frustration, that you have self doubts. I can reassure you that you are capable of being in a relationship, a woman out there is capable of confirming this. Don't feel bad for asking this forum for a relationship, you needed the help and most of us are willing to help in our own way. When I was 23 I was losing prospects left and right, I never stopped to appreciate the fact that women were sometimes interested in me, I only blamed myself and them for the failure. It is a very negative spiral and can lead to worse things. I think at this point, you should work on what you have to offer the woman you want in your life and let her decide on what she'll offer you.

I don't mean to brag (or maybe I do), but I excerscise regularly, study frequently, and have done research on relationships (I will be happy to point out the helpful literature), as well as having done things the hard way. I don't have an answer for everything and I don't even know where to begin on the level of interaction as far as you are concerned. But if you do your best to bring more to the plate, your odds of success are increased. You could be a harvard graduate with the best looks in the world and wash out with relationships if you can't convince people that you're worth anything, selling yourself is a talent that some people have to work on. I've had to make a complete ass of myself sometimes just to learn what not to do, Hans Asperger was right on the money when he called us "little scientists", just don't assume you're the only one and you might enjoy the company of your peers more.



heckeler06
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22 Jun 2009, 1:10 am

Well said MDD123.

Good luck in what you're looking for michael23.

David



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22 Jun 2009, 3:19 am

And you need to learn how to drive and get a car.

If you don't drive, you won't be able to pick up the girl for a date, simple as that =).

It's so frustrating when you ask out a girl and the first thing she would ask you (if she says yes) "when you gonna pick me up?" =)

I am not saying that they are materialistic, but it's a common fashion =) and after all you would need a car if you want to get out to somewhere :roll: , you can't always date in your neighborhood , it's a mere common sense.

Some girls here told that they had non-driver bfs and didn't care, but that's rare and even them weren't that pleased about the non-driving status of their bfs =).

It's socially unacceptable for adults to not know how to drive unless if you have some obvious chronic disease or some severe conditin. Do you have such condition?


Source: a non-driver adult currently learning driving



And oh.......look at my profile's gender , I have the full right to reply here ;D.



UnrelentingHorror
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22 Jun 2009, 4:09 am

LePetitPrince wrote:
And you need to learn how to drive and get a car.

If you don't drive, you won't be able to pick up the girl for a date, simple as that =).

It's so frustrating when you ask out a girl and the first thing she would ask you (if she says yes) "when you gonna pick me up?" =)

I am not saying that they are materialistic, but it's a common fashion =) and after all you would need a car if you want to get out to somewhere :roll: , you can't always date in your neighborhood , it's a mere common sense.

Some girls here told that they had non-driver bfs and didn't care, but that's rare and even them weren't that pleased about the non-driving status of their bfs =).

It's socially unacceptable for adults to not know how to drive unless if you have some obvious chronic disease or some severe conditin. Do you have such condition?


Source: a non-driver adult currently learning driving



And oh.......look at my profile's gender , I have the full right to reply here ;D.



Or if said adult happens to live in the few cities where driving isn't that necissary (San Fransisco would be one of them).
Other than that your spot on.


Well Michael, I know I'm male but just hear me out here.

What MDD said about it not working that way.... well it doesn't.
I know your frustrated, we've all been there at some point. (and I mean every person in the world, and if you haven't its a sign there is something wrong with you)
So thats normal bud. We all on some level want that special completely awesome person in our lives.
But honestly it will not come about until you accept your situation or are just beyond lucky.

My advice is this.

A) As long as you obsess over it, nothing good will come your way. So work on being okay with yourself first and just try to meet people during that time. Alot of them will probably suck but there will be at least as many fun times there for you. Eventually you will meet your special someone amongst them.

B) As long as you see yourself as disabled or having anything else broken about yourself it will severely inhibit your ability to meet people. No one is good at everything, just accept there are some things that aren't your top skill. For us aspies that usually includes many aspects of social interaction. Just try to get better when you can and accept that its just not your best skill. (BTW your college age, communication classes helped me a decent amount so theres something)

C) If its easier for you to look for people through typed medium such as a forum try this. People are not going to respond to a random post like this in all likelihood. Instead post on a thread that is just for that purpose, "eligible odd bods" would be one here. Although truthfully that relies on luck alot.
But there are free dating sites out there for you to try. (okqQuepid is one) you may have luck with that. But don't completely write off asking people out in person.
I know its hard and theres anxiety and all that but if you can bring yourself to do it and not take rejection too seriously along with all this other crap you should be fine and dating some nice people in no time.

Well hope I helped. Best of luck to you fellow traveller in this alien land we call the dating scene.