Really- Why is dating so hard?

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When I used to go to church and hang around with the girls in my youth group, they would talk about guys and relationships and all that rubbish. In middle school, I would have my crushes and could talk about how I thought someone was "cute" but couldn't understand why dating was so difficult. I don't understand why people get so jealous, or break-up, or what could possibly be so stressful. And I still don't understand why break-ups (especially in high school) are so emotional. Or what on earth a teenage couple could argue about. I would see these girls become so sympathetic when a friend split up with her boyfriend, and all I could think was "What's the big deal? It was only for a couple of months." And at the time, alot of these other girls had never had a boyfriend, yet could still understand. And I still don't!

So, tell me... What's the big deal?

Most NTs love drama & taking an emotional roller coaster ride. Seems like torture, but I can't speak for those who live for that.

Be thankful we're aspies.

I remember feeling this way when I was in school. I wouldn't understand what the big deal was when two people would break up after 2 months of dating and all this drama would follow.

Recently, I dated somebody for 2 months and then he broke up with me. I was absolutley crushed and now I never questions anyone's motive for the emotion they feel after breaking up with someone.

Yeah, I was the same. I never expected it to hurt so badly.

Yeah, my sister baked her friend a cake(not a figure of speech although it sounds like it to me) when their boyfriend broke up with them after only a month. That's typically how long her relationships last anyway so I really don't get what the big deal is.

Must be about attention.

I can't answer your question. Watching the drama in high school made me decide not to date until I was in college and able to marry.

I guess it's just because I've never been in a relationship. But then again, those other girls hadn't either. I just don't get why they could understand and I couldn't. Or still can't. Or whatever.

When you don't have a life full of experiences and perspective on how long a period of time is, a couple months is perceived as a long time during that age. It is also a period of time for new emotions, and they don't understand them all yet. Most people get into bad relationships out of lack of experience, they go on physical attraction more than common interest or compatibility and then question why they just don't get along. Once you have aged, your perspective is that their issues are small and minor compared to what you have to deal with now. From their perspective, it is some of the largest issues they have to deal with in their life, as their life is just a small bubble in their home town.

I remember when there was a shuttle launch on TV, and I couldn't understand why I couldn't see it from my house. It was 3000 miles away on a curved planet. The farthest I had traveled at that point in my life was probably the zoo and that was the edge of the world as I knew it.

I can understand why some people are sad about graduating high school as well, but I sure wasn't, as it was hell for someone like me, and everyone had me convinced better things were after that. I wasn't just convinced, and they were proven correct, as most of my major anxiety issues just went away when I was put into an adult world full of educated and experienced peers.

I have yet to experience death of a close family member or friend, I know it isn't going to be easy, but I can imagine it will be be the 'end of the world' for me when it does happen the first time.

Feelings can be intense when teens have their first romantic relationship and maybe they have social life and cheating related fights. Maybe one falls in love with someone else and leaves the other heartbroken.

The question here is
Why breaking up is so hard? Dating causes pleasure. I don't know why but it does.
Breaking up is sad and even awful if the other one is the one that breaks up with you.
Think about buying a car that you really like (just an example) and then is stolen, or destroyed at an accident, specially if is your first car that you worked so hard to get. I like cars so I would feel awful if that happened.

so think about something that you really like.

PS: not all aspies are incapable of falling in love, some of us are very passionate people.

Well, it could be because you spent time and ressources with another person and it didn't pay off? ^.- Hence the sadness? You'll notice breaked up couple's animosity is often directed towards the finances and economic stuff. ;p

Many years ago I asked my psychiatrist this question and his answer was written into my diary.

When you start a relationship with someone you feel good, you feel wanted. The reason for this is that a chemical called phenethylamine is released into the blood and it stimulates various parts of the pleasure centers of the brain. The deeper the relationship the more phenethylamine is released and whatdoyouknow, you're in love

If a relationship ends the production of phenethylamine stops dead but your body has come to depend on it. You suffer from lack of sleep, you have a short attention span, and, quite simply, you feel terrible. You're suffering withdrawal symptoms, cold turkey, you are quite literally lovesick

Eventually you get back to normal as your body loses its dependence on phenethylamine.

Note that this theory is somewhat controversial and not everyone in the scientific community agrees with it.

Vanilla_Slice

its so true. they dont _enjoy_ it tho, but they lack the ability to imagine an alternative.

my brother broke up w his gf, and he went ON and ON and ON ALLLLL the things he would do to punish her, and prove to her that he doesnt care, he would build muscles (use steroids. hes using them now. to punish her) get a new car, get a good job, do a lot of women and post about them on facebook, write her many messages and send, badmouth her on msn etc etc etc etc etc

and baffled, i told him "why dont you show her you dont care, by actually NOT CARING?" i explained an example where she gets a new bf, and my brother simply _ignores_ this.
he was SURPRISED by this idea. it had never struck him. hes 24, and this thought had never ever struck him.

nt's never cease to surprise :]

I don't understand that NT couple b**** about all kinds of stuff and get into quarrels so often, I've never had a relationship, so I don't know so much about it, but I will nevar do such things often

that, plain and simple. "real life" is what you observed, whatever it is

It's hard enough to find someone you like. It's even harder to find someone you're compatable with. It's even harder than that to find someone who is both at the same time! And add to the mix that they have to feel the same way for anything to take off in the first place, and you've got quite a challenge from square 1.

If you're not truly compatible, it'll show. You'll ignore it at first but after a while it'll become unbearable. And even if you ARE, well, the fact is, no one is going to be 100% perfect for anyone. There will always be little things about each other that you'll have to change for it to work, and it's HARD for people to change for another person.

I think a large part of the problem is the pressure. When you fall in love with someone, you really want to be around them a lot. And when you fall in love with someone, your own state of mind becomes linked to theirs. So when you fall in love with someone, you're no longer just micromanaging your own mood. You're micromanaging someone else's mood as well. It's hard enough to keep yourself happy, without considering anyone else. :/

The truth is there's no way to do it perfectly but we all seem to want a perfect relationship. Little things mean so much after a while, through their repetition.