Why does she do this?

Post Reply New Topic

I just got throught alking with a girl I really like, shes seeing someone else but she keeps comming back to talk to me. She asked me to clear the air with her so I told her how I felt. She looked right at me and said "I've that known for a long time" and told me she wanted me to be happy. She then wouldn't tell me how she feels. I've explained to her that with Aspies its a good idea to just tell us but she didnt seem to be able to say what she wanted to.

Why do women do this? She knew all along but didnt tell me a damn thing. She's been hanging around me a lot but i wish she had just come out and say, I don't like you. I like her a lot but she refuses to take the step of letting me in or telling me to buzz off, she keeps me around but refuses to tell me what she feels. Its annoying and confusing, I really don't get why women do things like this, i'm confused as hell.

Maybe she is talking to you all the time because she likes you back, but she hasn't realized it yet. Or she knows she likes you back, but she doesn't know how to break up with her current boyfriend. Or she likes her current boyfriend too, so she's stuck.

She doesn't want to stop talking to you because she likes you, either as a friend or as something more. It's not that she's trying to lead you on. It's simply that she likes talking to you. That's not such a bad thing, right?

I hope she eventually talks to you about her feelings, though. Woman can be SO confusing... I should know.

Sounds like this relationship is out of balance. You want it more than she does, and she knows more about how you feel than you know about how she feels. That and she let on that she has a boyfriend. Any woman with a shred of class and sense who is serious about pursuing a relationship will at least make it seem plausible that the relationship could go somewhere, and not let on details about other men she's dating, even if she is. Unless she doesn't want a relationship with you, in which case all is moot anyway.

Could it be that the other boyfriend is her security, her 'ace in the hole', and so she's made a hobby out of leading men on, setting them up for rejection, or otherwise treating them badly? I've encountered a few of these, and I count my blessings for being clear of them. What are you going to do to preserve your sanity and peace of mind?

Not all women do this stuff, and they don't just do it to Aspie men. Just to be fair. Sounds manipulative to me. It also sounds like the sort of thing that would make a person re-think their feelings toward to person doing it.

Personally, I'd cut the loss and add her as a friend. She might not be able to talk to her BF about everything, that's why she shows up and talks to you. She definately does it to get a reaction, but I've been in a similar situation. Instead of just blocking her out, I let her in, I practiced around her, and whenever she accused me of flirting, I told her it was "practice" it drove her crazy.

Would you consider letting her make a connection with you even though she could be a user?

She's desperately seeking male attention. Cut your loses and move on.

UPDATE:

Thanks for the advice. I went to the swamp to meditate for a while on the problem. We're haivng lunch on sunday (previously scheduled), I've decided to play it cool and wait to see what the heck she wants to do. I'd like a relationship with her but i'm not going to be waiting around for her to decide because i'm frankly sick of these games (A lot of women I know have played games with me not just her). So as far as i'm concerned the door is open and if she wants in she can step through. If not its her loss, i'll feel bad but thats nothing new.

One thing that you have to be careful of, is that she may just want attention but you want a relationship. One of the reasons why these arrangements can be unhealthy is that, if your attention and capacity for bonding is focused on her, you become somewhat distracted and unavailable for another woman you haven't yet met who wants the same thing you want. Another reason is that the last thing this woman needs is another guy pestering her if she already has too many options as it is.

In general, it's considered a bad idea to get hung up on someone who isn't available because she's married, celibate, grieving, becoming a priestess, doing something unhealthy with herself or whatever other reason. I know from experience that getting hung up on unavailable people does bad things to my state of mind and my metabolism, and I am better off being clear and remaining available. The bottom line is this: Is she available or not? Maybe it's best to try to keep yourself clear and available so that you've not compromised your ability to enter a healthier relationship with someone who is available.

rant

Just wanted to again remind the thread that the young woman might not have an agenda, might not know what she wants, might not know what she is doing and is trying to feel her way though her own thoughts and situations, too.
It just amazes me that guys think that girls are somehow programed with cookie cutter reasons and games and use them without compassion or any sense of ethics in order to torment any young man that strays into their sphere of influence and they can get their clutches on.

Yikes!

girls can be just as clueless as any guy.

/rant