How many times have you been rejected?

Page 1 of 4 [ 64 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4  Next

roadGames
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 401

27 Jul 2009, 7:02 pm

I've only be rejected by girls twice, and the first one wasn't outright at all, whereas the second one was about as outright as can be ("I'm not looking for a relationship right now [with you]"). All of them happened within the last 8 months. I think I'm going to add another to my tally by the time this summer class I'm in ends (I feel I should probably hold off until the end, it would be awkward as hell having a class with somebody who rejected you). It seems like I've deflated my standards to basically a realistic level (must be female, not fat, educated, and fun). I wonder how much success is going to be dependent upon just a downgrading in my standards. How many times did you get rejected until you ended up with somebody finally? Each time you got rejected, did your standards decrease?



Tequila
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Feb 2006
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,897
Location: Lancashire, UK

27 Jul 2009, 7:06 pm

Twice out of two requests. Also quite a few on dating websites but they're mostly morons on there anyway.



KenM
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2005
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,491
Location: Mass. USA

27 Jul 2009, 7:11 pm

After about # 75 or so I lost count. I'm NOT kidding. This started when I was in my teens, I'm 41 now.



roadGames
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 401

27 Jul 2009, 7:27 pm

KenM wrote:
After about # 75 or so I lost count. I'm NOT kidding. This started when I was in my teens, I'm 41 now.


Jesus man, this is depressing. The forum could probably give you some pointers if you gave us a rundown. I just started my stint of rejections, hopefully it won't get into the double digits. I'll keep lowering my standards until I succeed (it's not like I have to marry her). The tally of girls I've rejected is 5 higher than girls who have rejected me (rejecting 2/7 was an outright mistake, but more due to obliviousness than anything else).

I've got a bad feeling PUAism has misleadingly somewhat convinced me that you can legitimately create attraction (who knows, maybe you can as an NT).



KenM
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2005
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,491
Location: Mass. USA

27 Jul 2009, 7:34 pm

The thing is I've taken lots of advice, pointers, ect over the years. I still get rejected. Something about me. Wish I knew what it was. Everyone says "just don't liek you in that way" but there has to be something more I think.



Homer_Bob
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jan 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,562
Location: New England

27 Jul 2009, 8:25 pm

Zero times. The only reason I can say this is because I've never even bothered to ask a single girl. I'm too afraid and I'd rather be alone then to go through that scene where I keep getting rejected and looking desperate. I am a lone wolf and that is what they can think of me as.



Last edited by Homer_Bob on 27 Jul 2009, 8:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

roadGames
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 401

27 Jul 2009, 8:36 pm

Homer_Bob wrote:
Zero times. The only reason I can say this is because I'm never even bother to ask a single girl. I'm too afraid and I'd rather be alone then go through that scene where I keep getting rejected and looking desperate. I am a lone wolf and that is what they can think of me as.


Yeah, that's how I was until 22. I was ignorant of the downsides of that existence for so long until I just started chatting up random girls from my classes and ones I met running errands (dropping books off at library, grocery shopping, etc). If you do this the way I have, all of the girls who wind up rejecting you have absolutely no ties to your circle of friends, so it softens the blow big time. The only one who can judge you as looking desperate is yourself in those sorts of situations.



Hector
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,493

27 Jul 2009, 11:01 pm

It depends on what you call "rejections". If you just call it asking them out and their saying no, that only happened to me twice - both as a teenager, and other people asking for me. I do everything on my own now, but when I think I sense an opportunity I ask for the girl's number and gauge their response (rather than ask "would you go out with me?"). I've gotten this far four times, only one of them materialised in anything one might call a date (the other three quickly led to an apparent loss of interest and failure to respond to my texts) but the one date didn't go well and there was no follow-up.

Then there are all those other times I try talking to girls I'm interested in and get a fairly rude response (like their suddenly walking away without saying goodbye, telling me I shouldn't talk to them, walking faster when I address them) which to me is as good as a rejection - if they are somehow interested and just weird, then it's an indication that they would be too difficult for me anyway.

There were also a couple of times I got upset and admitted I liked a girl after deciding that I no longer had a chance. The first was when I was a teenager and I shouldn't have done it. The second was last year when I was trying to explain why I didn't want to meet up with a girl I knew on the internet anymore (she suddenly paired up with someone else on the same forum) - I never actually said it explicitly, though; she seemed to understand how I felt without me having to do so.



billsmithglendale
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Dec 2008
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,223

27 Jul 2009, 11:22 pm

KenM wrote:
The thing is I've taken lots of advice, pointers, ect over the years. I still get rejected. Something about me. Wish I knew what it was. Everyone says "just don't liek you in that way" but there has to be something more I think.


But have you ever rejected someone else?



Aoi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jul 2009
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 683

27 Jul 2009, 11:22 pm

Rejection is a good thing. It means you had the courage and confidence to ask. That should be congratulated.

I've hadn't had much experience in this area (I'm in my 40s), but all my attempts at dating/relationships have failed. Given my preferences and personality, this is not surprising. I'm not relationship material. But many Aspies are, and so I salute you for going for it.



ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

27 Jul 2009, 11:53 pm

Aoi wrote:
Rejection is a good thing. It means you had the courage and confidence to ask. That should be congratulated.


Courage that can get instanlty sunk if you get rejected in your teen years...



roadGames
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 401

28 Jul 2009, 1:00 am

Aoi wrote:
Rejection is a good thing. It means you had the courage and confidence to ask. That should be congratulated.

I've hadn't had much experience in this area (I'm in my 40s), but all my attempts at dating/relationships have failed. Given my preferences and personality, this is not surprising. I'm not relationship material. But many Aspies are, and so I salute you for going for it.


Reading WP really inspired me to go out and give it some serious effort. All of these stories of lonely middle aged AS guys scared the s**t out of me. For 22 years, I deluded myself into thinking the right girl would come along, find me charming as hell, dig my music, sense of humor, and everything would be smooth sailing from there. Then I realized that all except two of the girls who had initially pursued me I found to be way unattractive. All the girls I've pursued thus far have either a.) had boyfriends (like 85% of them) or b.) rejected me.

I'm such a serious person in facial expressions and conversational topics, though. I've worked on being more light hearted and kid like, and it's gotten me to the point where I can talk to girls about more than just neuroscience, linguistics, politics, or music for an hour or two. I still end up talking about things rather than more romantic s**t like the way you/they feel about whatever is going on in your lives. If I can't at least partially get over this over formality and seriousness, I'm pretty sure I'm f****d. I also have trouble quickly closing the gap of initial awkwardness when first meeting someone, it takes me a while to warm up and I think this makes people uncomfortable.

Also, for you people with more experience, it seems to be largely agreed upon that women are the choosers and they make up their minds about you within the first 30sec interaction or so. Can you really build attraction like some people claim if this is really the case? It seems like if they're initially attracted, what they're going to do is just give you more opportunities to interact with them and maybe unintentionally make themselves more vulnerable to teasing to facilitate things (I don't know, lol). Perhaps it's just better to be able to detect signs of attraction rather than attempt to create it.

I have a sneaking suspicion that things are going to start to flip once I start making some decent money this fall. I haven't dealt with the status derived from financial stability affecting things yet because all the girls I've interacted with thus far have been uni students and are in this sort of advanced high school mentality that incorporates some degree of independence that they didn't have in HS, but they're still basically teenagers mentally. Hopefully, this mentality shifts to something else during grad school.


When/how did the picture start coming together for you guys who have been successful with relationships after being 20+ year old virgins?



SolitaryShell
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 38

28 Jul 2009, 1:59 am

mm ...one! .....she rejected me but later she told me that she did it 'cause she didn't knew me enough otherwise she'd say yes....(yeaah right! by the time she told me this, she was already living with his new boyfriend, whom she started dating after a month of meeting him)


_________________
"You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star." - Nietzsche


Last edited by SolitaryShell on 28 Jul 2009, 2:24 am, edited 2 times in total.

Blasty
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Apr 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,205
Location: At my workbench

28 Jul 2009, 2:07 am

one out of five. Yeah, I guess that's pretty damn lucky. However, all of these attempts occurred within a year's time. I somehow all of a sudden got the courage to step into the dating world. On the first successful attempt, the girl eventually decided to blindside me right as I thought things were taking off. The second and third successful attempts, I ended up putting an end to. They just weren't going to go the way I wanted, which was a relationship that meant more than a bed buddy. The fourth successful attempt... well, I'm still with her after half a year, and she's the first and only girl I've been in love with! :D



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

28 Jul 2009, 2:13 am

I don't ask people out because I would be too embarassed about rejection. I've rejected a shitload in terms of just people in general, and ad guys turn their noses up at me a lot.



SolitaryShell
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 38

28 Jul 2009, 2:13 am

Quote:
When/how did the picture start coming together for you guys who have been successful with relationships after being 20+ year old virgins?


I'm 22 also ..and i have the exact same question, dude one of us should really make a topic about this!


_________________
"You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star." - Nietzsche