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Do you hate what you have?
Poll ended at 12 Aug 2009, 5:39 am
Yes 65%  65%  [ 13 ]
No 35%  35%  [ 7 ]
Total votes : 20

Lockjaw35
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02 Aug 2009, 5:39 am

I've never been good at the whole dating thing... in fact they all pretty much left me for simple things I could not change... what I want to know is that if I'm alone on the being unable to connect with anyone, aspergers or not. I mean, there are people I do like, and could connect to... but I freeze up, all I can say is "Yeah" And other nothings... I don't expect to get some kind of awnser to fix my problem or anything.



Vanilla_Slice
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02 Aug 2009, 6:52 am

OK, three replies to the poll and all three of them hate being an aspie because it makes dating so hard. I have a possible solution BUT it's controversial so I expect to get some flack for this, if you're going to criticize then make it practical criticism, OK?

1) As aspies we like repetition and we like order in things, so, we make use of this in our search for a partner.

2) You treat dating as a scientific experiment in human behavior, nothing more. A scientist does not care if an experiment succeeds or fails and nether should you.

3) Start off by learning some social skills, the chances are that you will need to be taught these skills rather than reading about them in a book. Enquire with your doctor and, possibly, the local hospital.

4) Ask someone out, anyone of the opposite sex will do. Chances are that they will say no so you move on to the next girl/guy and ask them out. After ten failures stop and analyze your situation. Why did they say no; do you smell bad? are you not dressed according to the current fashion? did you fluff your lines etc etc. Learn from your mistakes, make small modifications to your behavior and ask out another ten, rinse and repeat. This method has another positive side effect in that you will get used to failure, it happens.

5) Eventually someone WILL say yes. By now you should be an expert at this so you should be ready with at least two alternatives for a night out just in case he/she doesn't like your idea of a fun time. Plan ahead as much as possible what you are going to do, what you are going to say, what you are going to eat, and what to do if it all goes badly wrong. On the evening of your date arrive either a few minutes early or on time and take things SLOWLY because you will need time to think.

6) If it all goes wrong accept this and then move on. DO NOT make a fool of yourself and go round to their apartment confessing undying love for them, this is a bad idea. Just go back to step #4 and start again.

7) Keep a detailed diary and look back on previous entries on a regular basis. This is so that you can learn from your mistakes.

There are some basic principles here that are important:

1) Make a mistake, write down what you did, modify your behavior, try again. Learn from your mistakes until you start to get it right.

2) Don't invest too much in a relationship until you are 1000% certain that this is the person for you. Knowledge of this will not come after ten girlfriends, or thirty, but by fifty girlfriends you will know how to identify the perfect partner.

3) Failures happen. If you only have three or four partners in your life then losing one of them is a significant event and you will feel it accordingly. If girlfriend #45 suddenly writes you a Dear John letter you're not even going to break a sweat.

OK, asbestos underwear has been fitted, flame away.

Vanilla_Slice



sinsboldly
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02 Aug 2009, 10:06 am

Lockjaw35 wrote:
I've never been good at the whole dating thing... in fact they all pretty much left me for simple things I could not change... what I want to know is that if I'm alone on the being unable to connect with anyone, aspergers or not. I mean, there are people I do like, and could connect to... but I freeze up, all I can say is "Yeah" And other nothings... I don't expect to get some kind of awnser to fix my problem or anything.


well, isn't that the 'executive decision' area in our brains that is underdeveloped? That horrible hesitation that tangles our tongues and causes complete confusion as to why we can't spit it out? I really wish some kind of answer we could give you could fix your problem and my problem, too!


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phil777
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02 Aug 2009, 11:50 am

Heh, i'm the only one who voted no... Guess i'm being too optimistic..



ToadOfSteel
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02 Aug 2009, 1:04 pm

I voted 'no' as well... I don't hate what I have (in fact, I'm quite grateful for what I have)... what I do hate, however, is what I don't have...



sinsboldly
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05 Aug 2009, 8:24 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
I voted 'no' as well... I don't hate what I have (in fact, I'm quite grateful for what I have)... what I do hate, however, is what I don't have...


oh, man you said a mouthfull!
I also don't hate what I have, I hate what I don't have. . .


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MissConstrue
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05 Aug 2009, 9:37 pm

Me three.... :cry:


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poopylungstuffing
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05 Aug 2009, 10:34 pm

I'm afraid I have it pretty good...dating wise...I admit...knock on wood.