i don't say i love u for i don't know what love is

Post Reply New Topic

hi, I'm new to this forum, I'm an Italian AS, female, and 29 years old. I 've always had difficulties in relationship with men, yet in the latest 3 months I'm havin a very romantic story with a NT. Of course it is very hard to manage with, u know, always trying to explain -painful thing 2 do- the reasons of my strange behaviour, but going on not so bad till he said "i don't say i love u for i don't know what love is" and "i never ask myself if I love someone or something"...that was just too much for me, like a knife in my stomach, I don't understand, I cannot do it, it hurts me so much, makes me think about "what the hell am I? your hole?". I just need love and words to make me feel loved, I'm not afraid to say I love you, but what I've called love for these months is becoming hate for this man, I feel he cannot really understand anything of me, I prefer my loneliness, it won't ever hurt me like this...

eek. I'm feeling the exact same way about someone.

I've just opened my email account and found a long letter from that guy, about his sunday in venice on a boat, full of details about boat and friends and weather...ending with a neutral "good night"...what does it mean? I don't give a damn about a boat and his friends...I'm so confused, what does it mean?!?!?!?!?!?!? Is he trying to tell me something??!?!?!?!?!?

He's trying to tell you he's a loser who only cares about what makes him feel good. To him, you're just another face in his crowd. He doesn't love you; so forget him, plain and simple.

Don't worry, give him time. As long as he contacts you it means he's thinking of you. He's telling you about Venice and boats etc because he wants to share his experience with you, so it's a good sign. If you show interest in his life and his interests it will show him that you care, which in turn is likely to strengthen the bond between you.

Best of luck

Someone who said, "I won't say I love you because I don't know what love is," is not exactly going to come around. As far as I can tell, sonicloop has come here for us to reaffirm what she already knows she's got to do: Tell him to go pluck himself.

I'm sure this story has to come to an end soon, my love is hurted and over, but I'm sad for I think I'll never be able to have a relation with a normal human being, and I'll always be apart, yet love is such a great thing for all of us...

Here's my opinion on this. Maybe he said it because he never experienced true love in his life. In other words, you're his first serious relationship. Whatever he may be feeling, he's not sure what it is, but from what I read, he seems to be enjoying the relationship. Still, he's not sure how exactly to act in a relationship, so he does the best be can. Even though it doesn't match what you expect from the relationship, that's not a reason to end it.

I recommend doing the following. Sit him down and ask him: "I've noticed that you [whatever it is you don't like], and even though you mean well, it's bothering me. I enjoyed spending time with you, so I really want this to work out. So is this your first serious relationship?" If he says yes, then it's not his fault (or yours, for that matter). How would he know what to do in a relationship if he's never been in one before? Without a personal experience, he also may have picked up some wrong information from TV or movies, so he acted "cold" or "distanced".

My recommendation to you: have the conversation I described before ending the relationship.

I don't want to be his guinea pig...he' s living without his mother since he was 5, he cannot pretend his sentimental attitude is totally normal. He had a girfriend for 7 years, they also lived together, and he says he doesn't know wheter he loved her or not...I'm weird, I'm pretty, when I'm on stage playing music, these are the reasons for his interest in me, 1 he sees a normal musician,yet I'm not normal and music is my medicine, addiction and therapy 2 The moments I really enjoyed with him have become insignificant while hard times look like the rocky mountains to me now 3 he's trying to experience love and even if I can good teach people how to sing , I cannot teach him how to love (me!).
Don't you maybe think an AS should need someone who is bound to reality like a 500 years tree? I mean a safe and consolidated personality. I think he has a problem to manage with, too, and it is important for him to do it. Maybe AS + AS should be very nice and poetry full loaded, yet I believe it should just turn an world-for-one into a world-for-two...