19 Dec 2010, 8:28 am
this is a reallly long post, which mostly serves as an outlet. If you feel like reading it, or offering any advice i want to thank you in advance.
i dated this guy for a very short period of time (5 days!! !) and things went horribly wrong. he doesn't want to talk to me again, ever, and i'm wondering if something really obvious flew over my head? I'm devastated and I feel so stupid.
he was in my math class at the beginning of this semester, and i thought he was really, really cute. i also saw him on okcupid because he viewed my profile and i recognized him right away. well, i finally messaged him a little over a week ago with something clever and witty about the class being boring and such. he replied, and he seemed very interested in talking to me. he gave me his phone number right away and found me on facebook. he also told me to "stop going to the library during break and hang out with him instead" some of the things he said made him seem really obsessive and desperate. (but that's so much better than being ostracized.. i'll get to that in a bit)
so we hung out the next day at school, and of course i froze up and couldn't adequately communicate with him. right away though, he seemed like an a**hole. i made a comment about how there were a lot of people in the parking lot to try to cue him in that i might be feeling socially anxious and might want to leave, and he was just like "yup." i apologized for being so quiet and he said it was ok. i wasn't expecting him to want to hang out with me anymore after that, and i was surprised when he texted me in class later and offered me a ride home after school.
so we hang out after school, and we grab some food at some sandwich place. i payed for my own food. later he texts me asking me if it was a date (keep in mind this was the first day we met) and i was starting to feel really overwhelmed at that point. i just told him i wanted to get to know him more.
(the next 3-4 times we hang out, it goes well. we don't kiss or anything, but we hold hands at the movies and spend a lot of time talking in his car) he seems so desperate to be with me, but he seems almost...irritated most of the time. i gathered that he just sounds that way with everyone after seeing him talk that way to his friends.
And so this is where things start careening out of control:
-we go to a party that his friends invited us to
-he seems a little short with me and grouchy before we even get to the door
-i have a few drinks and smoke a bowl. i get f****d up and also really paranoid. when we sit outside on the porch, i start prattling on about all this personal, depressing s**t like a MORON. i had no control over my actions. i start telling him about how ive tried to get diagnosed with AS, and then argue with him when he says he disagrees, and i just talk about other random s**t until he gets up and leaves me in mid-sentence. he was THAT annoyed. *facepalm*
-i follow him inside a few minutes later, and he's obviously annoyed that i came inside. i tell him i'm going home and he walks me home. i continue talking about BS, but it's not about AS or anything super embarrassing. we depart at my door.
The next day...
we have an argument on AIM, which results in him deleting me on facebook and refusing to talk to me again, ever.
-he mentions that i don't appear to have party ettiquette, since I apparently went around asking people for their alcohol. i guess that was pretty annoying, but i don't remember it.
-i apologize and tell him that i was really high and didn't know what i was doing. and that i was sorry for making him look bad.
-he grudgingly seems to forgive me. "well from now on, it will be ok"
-he mentions that he was pretty peeved and i tell him i noticed
-i get really upset that he seems so condemning over what i'd consider a small thing, so i tell him we shouldn't go on anymore dates :X
-i make some sarcastic, self-deprecating comment about why it's so hard for me to find a boyfriend. he says he doesn't like that i'm giving him a guilt trip and i just sign off, i've lost it
-he deletes me on facebook instantaneously
I write him an apology for my bad behavior at the party and for being rude
he never replies.
So what the hell happened....? 
19 Dec 2010, 8:46 am
leejosepho
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19 Dec 2010, 9:23 am
Daemonic-Jackal
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19 Dec 2010, 10:49 am
Mindslave
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19 Dec 2010, 11:13 am
19 Dec 2010, 12:32 pm
19 Dec 2010, 1:40 pm
19 Dec 2010, 1:40 pm
19 Dec 2010, 1:54 pm
19 Dec 2010, 3:35 pm
i dated this guy for a very short period of time (5 days!! !) and things went horribly wrong. he doesn't want to talk to me again, ever, and i'm wondering if something really obvious flew over my head? I'm devastated and I feel so stupid.
he was in my math class at the beginning of this semester, and i thought he was really, really cute. i also saw him on okcupid because he viewed my profile and i recognized him right away. well, i finally messaged him a little over a week ago with something clever and witty about the class being boring and such. he replied, and he seemed very interested in talking to me. he gave me his phone number right away and found me on facebook. he also told me to "stop going to the library during break and hang out with him instead" some of the things he said made him seem really obsessive and desperate. (but that's so much better than being ostracized.. i'll get to that in a bit)
so we hung out the next day at school, and of course i froze up and couldn't adequately communicate with him. right away though, he seemed like an a**hole. i made a comment about how there were a lot of people in the parking lot to try to cue him in that i might be feeling socially anxious and might want to leave, and he was just like "yup." i apologized for being so quiet and he said it was ok. i wasn't expecting him to want to hang out with me anymore after that, and i was surprised when he texted me in class later and offered me a ride home after school.
so we hang out after school, and we grab some food at some sandwich place. i payed for my own food. later he texts me asking me if it was a date (keep in mind this was the first day we met) and i was starting to feel really overwhelmed at that point. i just told him i wanted to get to know him more.
(the next 3-4 times we hang out, it goes well. we don't kiss or anything, but we hold hands at the movies and spend a lot of time talking in his car) he seems so desperate to be with me, but he seems almost...irritated most of the time. i gathered that he just sounds that way with everyone after seeing him talk that way to his friends.
And so this is where things start careening out of control:
-we go to a party that his friends invited us to
-he seems a little short with me and grouchy before we even get to the door
-i have a few drinks and smoke a bowl. i get f**** up and also really paranoid. when we sit outside on the porch, i start prattling on about all this personal, depressing sh** like a MORON. i had no control over my actions. i start telling him about how ive tried to get diagnosed with AS, and then argue with him when he says he disagrees, and i just talk about other random sh** until he gets up and leaves me in mid-sentence. he was THAT annoyed. *facepalm*
-i follow him inside a few minutes later, and he's obviously annoyed that i came inside. i tell him i'm going home and he walks me home. i continue talking about BS, but it's not about AS or anything super embarrassing. we depart at my door.
The next day...
we have an argument on AIM, which results in him deleting me on facebook and refusing to talk to me again, ever.
-he mentions that i don't appear to have party ettiquette, since I apparently went around asking people for their alcohol. i guess that was pretty annoying, but i don't remember it.
-i apologize and tell him that i was really high and didn't know what i was doing. and that i was sorry for making him look bad.
-he grudgingly seems to forgive me. "well from now on, it will be ok"
-he mentions that he was pretty peeved and i tell him i noticed
-i get really upset that he seems so condemning over what i'd consider a small thing, so i tell him we shouldn't go on anymore dates :X
-i make some sarcastic, self-deprecating comment about why it's so hard for me to find a boyfriend. he says he doesn't like that i'm giving him a guilt trip and i just sign off, i've lost it
-he deletes me on facebook instantaneously
I write him an apology for my bad behavior at the party and for being rude
he never replies.
So what the hell happened....?
I think you two just have a conflict of personalities. Sure, you messed up at the party, but a lot of guys would have brushed that off because a lot of people do stupid things at parties where there's alcohol and pot. I'm willing to bet he's one of those people who thinks too much about what others think of them, and so gets embarrassed really easily. I'm willing to bet that he's short with others because he himself is as judgmental as he worries other people to be...much like the kid who doesn't want to wear a sweater his mom made him to school because it embarrasses him, and would also think poorly of a kid who wore a similar sweater.
Now I have to point a few things out
-he grudgingly seems to forgive me. "well from now on, it will be ok"
-he mentions that he was pretty peeved and i tell him i noticed
-i get really upset that he seems so condemning over what i'd consider a small thing, so i tell him we shouldn't go on anymore dates :X
-i make some sarcastic, self-deprecating comment about why it's so hard for me to find a boyfriend. he says he doesn't like that i'm giving him a guilt trip and i just sign off, i've lost it
-he deletes me on facebook instantaneously
He may have meant "from now it, it will be ok" because he was planning on breaking it off anyway, but we can't really say that for certain because you blew it off before he could clarify what he had intended that to mean, by saying "i tell him we shouldn't go on any more dates".
Then you said something that made him feel like you were trying to guilt trip him. Men hate that because it's emotional manipulation. Most women hate that too. By this point he probably concludes that the dynamics between you two are such that he could not possibly get along with you, and that is that.
But I have a question. When you were standing with him and apologized for being so quite, was he quite as well or was he talking to you and you were giving short answers? If he was quite as well, why should you be sorry for being quite? He has half of the responsibility for the conversation.
HopeGrows
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Age: 51
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Location: In exactly the right place at exactly the right time.
19 Dec 2010, 6:42 pm
19 Dec 2010, 9:25 pm
19 Dec 2010, 9:47 pm
19 Dec 2010, 9:49 pm
HopeGrows
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19 Dec 2010, 10:07 pm
19 Dec 2010, 11:12 pm
