Any experiences with Mail order brides?

Post Reply New Topic

Does anyone have any experience with mail order brides, specifically E. Europeans, and developing a relationship with them?

Perhaps at first they may not be interested in being with me, only the green card will interest them. But after spending some time together maybe we will grow closer, or will she always hate me because of my Asperger's?

Wow! :S
sorry just had to get that out of the way

im in norway, as you may or may not know, we have a border w russia, and loads of people pass through. it has to be one of the least mentioned, least known human trafficking borders on the planet :S

anyway, its aaalmost a little bit common, especially in the north, to encounter an "ordered" wife, usually a russian, and those ive seen seem to work fine. i guess, like old fashioned forced marriage, that people "grow together" over time, with mutual effort.
the bride would probably be "mentally prepared" to make that effort, knowing that she will be in the same house as another man, she will probably be more intimidated than you.

i dont think aspergers will be more of an issue w a mail bride than a normal one. you're supposed to be together no? then open up and explain what the condition is all about.

so... from what LITTLE ive seen, it SEEMS like an arrangement that has the same chance of working out well, as an old fashioned forced marriage, two people meeting and learning to love each others. my impression is that most forced marriages work out well too, while another portion dont. much like normal dating in fact :]

MODERATOR PLEASE!

This is the second time a newbie posted about this and it is always followed by a deluge of spam related to the topic.

Please block and remove members.

Thank you.

second time in how long?

2 isnt such a great number :S

2nd in 2 days.

Which members?

i'd say your a bit on the preemptive-strike button here. it would be bad to ban someone for actually having an honest question, based on earlyer mishap.

if all hell breaks lose and your right, ill pm you an apology, where i make myself low and tiny, like a rug you can step on :]

Maybe it is. It all just made me very suspicious. If this was an innocent question, I am sorry and please ignore me.

I must say I've always been intrigued by the idea. Once I met a Russian lady (quite attractive by the way) whose family moved here because of their business. I had to ask her opinion of Russian mail order brides. Her comments were to the effect that if the husband allowed the wife to pursue a career, it worked well. But if the husband refused to entertain such an idea, and insisted the wife stay home and be a house wife, it didn't work so well.

First, please direct concerns and complaint to moderators in PM - this sort of raising a general alarm without contacting someone specifically only contributes to further problems.

Second, if there are any signs of spam or other abuse of service present I will be glad to clean it up. If the readers here will let me know, I'll be sure to come in and clean the thread as needed. But discussion of arranged marriages and mail order brides are not against the site rules, per se.

Third... few arranged marriages that I know of (first-hand) work out well. Those which have function on a platonic level first and foremost, with any sort of connection developing through time and familiarity.


M.

I apologize and am extremely sorry about crying "fire" because of this thread. I just have a low tolerance for spam and I thought this was a set-up for it. Please excuse me.

No worries - the concern is valid, just suggesting an alternate method of dealing with it.


M

AS or not, I personally would be constantly insecure and worrying if I had a mail-order bride, because I'd always be worrying that she's with me only because she has to, not because she wants to. She signs up to be a mail-order bride to escape something (e.g. financial difficulty, family problems in the home country, etc.), and at least early on in the relationship there's no real emotional "glue" holding you two together. Once the financial difficulties, etc. are released, what remains to keep you two together? Sure there is a chance that she will grow to like you, but if I were you I'd always have doubts. It's like immediately starting off the relationship as a co-dependent one, and then hoping that it will transform into something else.

Also going into a relationship where one party has a major non-relationship-related expectation out of the other is a recipe for disaster. I'm not saying that mail-order relationships have absolutely no chance of working out, but it's the same issues as Aspies with a lot of emotional issues trying to get relationships with the expectation that their new partners fix their issues... then if the issues don't get fixed, they blame the partners for that when really it should never be the partners' responsibility for that in the first place. Having relationships and dealing with the give and take is incredible work as it is. Adding these other expectations of the other person makes the relationship all the much harder to keep afloat.

I know a guy who is in an arranged marriage..He is also neuro-eccentric..but his is a result of a head injury that happened in the Military and sorta turned him into another person.
He seems really happy, but his wife sort seems to think he's crazy. She is Chinese and speaks very little English. She seems pretty nice. The arrangement allows her to live and work in the US and be with her family...

I've got some 2nd hand knowledge on the topic.

I've two friends who are involved in arranging marriages for people to get US citizenship.
One married a czec guy and has actually been happily married for 20 years now. And she is always helping out cousins and friends of his. They pay 10k to be married (i think it's minimum of five years for them to keep citizenship).
She's always asking me to do it being that i'm a single guy lol. The few people I know/heard of that she has hooked up are completely hating it. Nothing has worked, they either cant get jobs or dont want to (the people moving here) and cant support themselves so that 10k they pay up front gets eaten up in what you spend supporting them. And they just dont click at all.
I've another friend who married an a korean friend (old high school sweathearts, he didnt marry for money/arrangement) who has lots of cousins and friends she is always trying to hook up. And it's the same story, the people are miserable, both sides.

A guy who lives a few doors down from me did a mail order bride thing, from some South American country though, and she actually has said it's a living hell and she wishes she never left her country.


So from my experiance, it's not worth it.

I personally believe that anything to do with 'mail order' brides is wrong from both sides. To me, it's like a weird 'arranged marriage' and I don't think they're right either.