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vessel
Pileated woodpecker
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02 Aug 2009, 7:36 am

Can't help but feel the subject title is very misleading, but I can't think of anything more appropriate.

When I was young, still in elementary school, I became friends with a girl neighbor that also had many years of the same teachers as me. She was, quite literally, the first and only friend I ever had up until that point, so needless to say someone like me, who sort of "files" away experiences like that in a very detailed and poignant way, she had an impact. In 5th grade, she had moved quite abruptly to Illinois, and I've yet to see or hear anything of her since that time. I'm now 23, but for some very peculiar reason, I've featured the same, constant and ever-present lucid dreams of her, albeit in a current context (like my subconcious is sort of reaching out), and it's kind of made this feeling of having lossed someone very dear to me. It's raised questions as to how other Aspies may feel or lodge memory and feelings; I want to know if others like me feel intensly connected to old feelings and memories inside their dreams. I can't help but feel sort of "creepy" that I have such intensely personal and detailed dreams of a person, it makes me feel very isolated about how I'm perceiving my own emotions, filtered through time. I hope that makes sense to someone else here, I'm on a bad med right now and can't seem to make sense of these sort of abstractions, so I feel this may all come out very silly.

Anyway, the last detail is that my brother's girlfriend of eight years has great ties to this girl and her family, as everyone does from my old stomping grounds, making the option of seeing her and placating my obnoxious and unrealistic subconcious fascination more of a reality. I tend to be highly tied to my higher brain functions, so dreams tend to repeat and repeat until I've solved why they mean to. To be honest, it was the first memory I had of actually loving someone at that young age, and we were pretty close up until she left, so I can see why. I had learned through my family's connections to her that she'd gotten married at one point and had a child, so this isn't quite a quest to find something romantic, more just to resolve that inkling that something so poignant and personal needs to be made tangeable for me to further understand it.

I guess I would just like to know, by any rare chance, do any of you feel intensely connected to someone in this way? Where the memories have become sort of like strange glimpses into the way you relate sensation? I do hope this isn't too cloudy, it's been a long time since I've tried to make sense of this in any kind of real way, and I'm very spacey as it is. :?: :?:



poopylungstuffing
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02 Aug 2009, 8:27 am

My circumstance is a tad more sordid than yours...but i can sort of relate. I first "fell in love" at the age of 22...with this person who in reality is quite a bit of a scum bag...but something about him managed to worm it's way into my head so that it seriously messed with me for many years. He first sought after me....I met him at a new job and the next day he'd slipped a poem into my folder...we dated for a few months...he dumped my poor childlike lunatic self....but periodically over the years kept intermittently popping up...I don't think that he knew...or cared about what it did to me...it was quite a lot...as part of my brain remained consumed by him for years....and during that time, I was plagued by dreams of him...and I could not help but think this "meant" something....other than that I was an obsessive lunatic. He ended up sorta using me on more than one occasion...I ended up wrecking more than one decent REAL relationship because of my insufferable feelings for him...I was accused of stalking him...for doing what I perceived as "seeking closeure"....I wrote him way too many letters.. :roll:
.....Now he lives in New York..I am his facebook friend...I have totally moved on...but I stll have dreams about him. in the last dream, my main partner and I were picking him up from the airport and he asked us for money. I can't help but wonder if that meant he was in town recently, as I used to literally have dreams about him right before he would come into town.
Knowing him sorta shifted the course of my life...every connection I made from that point sorta led back to him in one way or another....which is sort of pathetic, seeing as how to me he is just a sleazy user scumbag who wrecked my head for a number of years, and to him I am just an insane stalky ex-something-or-other...(I barely qualify as ex-girlfriend) :?
When we ran into each other on facebook...we talked briefly....which was ok because we live a safe distance from one another...several thousand miles...and there have been times when I have felt compelled to tell him things...but I know that I can't because it would be construed as creepy or stalkery....like...for example...my "secondary" partner...(I am a poly-weirdo :roll:) happens to have the same birthday and political leanings as him...and happens to live directly across the street from an apartment complex where he used to live....and it was not as if I deliberately sought these qualities out in a person..he was my friend for a long time before we became romantically involved...it is just an odd coincidence.



vessel
Pileated woodpecker
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07 Aug 2009, 4:00 am

The situation just became quite strange, I'd say.

Without much effort or even will on my part, this person I'd been having the constant lucid conciousness connection with, just abruptly re-entered my life in a very profound way. The woman they centered around has been away since I was very young, less than ten years-old, and moved without a word thousands of miles away, and just yesterday I found out by word of a family connection that she's moving less than ten miles back this way within the month. I find the subject of the dream, that fear of losing the person because of the immense impact they'd had on me, and their returning "to the source" of the relationship, quite odd, and very beautiful in a way.

The fact that I had such extremely detailed concepts of things I couldn't understand at the time, it just begs to wonder if I have a greater ability to connect to others than I had originally thought, like atomically, or something. This has all happened without any of my own interaction, it just sort of "played out." I mean, the sheer mathematical chances is staggering.



LesMisGuy
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25 Aug 2009, 5:14 pm

I've gotten in touch with a lot of people from when I was younger. But then again, I didn't obsess, wondering if I'd ever hear from or see them again. I'm usually just bored then find pictures of old friends then search on Myspace of Facebook to see if I can get in contact with them and catch up on them.



LesMisGuy
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25 Aug 2009, 5:14 pm

I've gotten in touch with a lot of people from when I was younger. But then again, I didn't obsess, wondering if I'd ever hear from or see them again. I'm usually just bored then find pictures of old friends then search on Myspace of Facebook to see if I can get in contact with them and catch up on them.