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Redeagle
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18 Aug 2009, 3:09 pm

I'm chating up this girl i've known for years. Shes great and wonderful and I'd very much like ot get closer to her. She's a bit emotional and shes just comming of a breakup and looking around for new guys to be with I need to know how to respond, should I ask her out or keep talking to her for a while more.



ViperaAspis
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18 Aug 2009, 4:04 pm

If this was someone you just met, you should keep talking. But you've known her for years.

Move now. If you don't you take a risk that she might find another guy. Also, she may not even be thinking of you romantically at all right now. You need to "toss your hat into the ring". Another benefit of doing this now is that even if she becomes involved with someone else, that little thought will always be there in the back of her mind and at her NEXT breakup, things might be very different indeed. So above all, approach this so that you both remain friends! You may not need this part of this post, but: No all-or-nothing ultimatums and don't get pissed if you're turned down. It's no big deal and it's not worth losing a friend.

But if she does get involved with someone else, don't make yourself wait around for her. Keep the other lures in the water. Anyway, why are you still reading this? GO GO GO!


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Redeagle
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23 Aug 2009, 6:00 pm

Actually it turns out she's been seeing someone for about a week. Shes amazingly kind and heres a minor miracle, she understnads me. I make her laugh a lot and she seems to enjoy my company. I wonder if I should keep up with her and keep her in my personal loop.



MDD123
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23 Aug 2009, 6:20 pm

Redeagle wrote:
Actually it turns out she's been seeing someone for about a week. Shes amazingly kind and heres a minor miracle, she understnads me. I make her laugh a lot and she seems to enjoy my company. I wonder if I should keep up with her and keep her in my personal loop.


I would definately do this, she sounds like a worthwhile person to be around. It would be less akward if you had some extra friends to relate to, so try to build some friends around her.

I think it's great that you can enjoy her company without having to be romantically involved with her. It demonstrates a high level of contentment (and confidence), and I know it sounds cheezy, but it's the truth.



Seanmw
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23 Aug 2009, 6:58 pm

ViperaAspis wrote:
If this was someone you just met, you should keep talking. But you've known her for years.

Move now. If you don't you take a risk that she might find another guy. Also, she may not even be thinking of you romantically at all right now. You need to "toss your hat into the ring". Another benefit of doing this now is that even if she becomes involved with someone else, that little thought will always be there in the back of her mind and at her NEXT breakup, things might be very different indeed. So above all, approach this so that you both remain friends! You may not need this part of this post, but: No all-or-nothing ultimatums and don't get pissed if you're turned down. It's no big deal and it's not worth losing a friend.

But if she does get involved with someone else, don't make yourself wait around for her. Keep the other lures in the water. Anyway, why are you still reading this? GO GO GO!
exactly, you'd be a fool not to mobilize this instant.

strike while the iron's hot. but don't be too overzealous in your approach. talk to her more for maybe a day at the most. then go for the kill with all the tact and precision of a redeagle on the hunt.

might even bring the possibility with her as a hypothetical situation so it takes a little edge off of what would've otherwise been a curveball flying at her face from left field.
also suggesting it in hypothetical terms technically isn't fully proposing it which works for our shy aspie nature, but it gives them the opportunity to say yes in more or less terms. if they say no, laugh it off as them having taken a hypothetical question seriously and play it cool and supportive like always.

idk if that helps any


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ViperaAspis
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24 Aug 2009, 2:24 am

Redeagle wrote:
Actually it turns out she's been seeing someone for about a week. Shes amazingly kind and heres a minor miracle, she understnads me. I make her laugh a lot and she seems to enjoy my company. I wonder if I should keep up with her and keep her in my personal loop.


If YOU are okay with that, I think that is a GREAT idea! There's nothing but positives that come from having a female friend. You'll learn to get along with them, how they think, meet their friends (along with a good review), learn what they want in a mate, etc. etc. It really just goes on and on.

It sounds like you're not "obsessed" with her (i.e. she's not becoming your AS Special Interest in an unhealthy way) which is another good sign.

I'm glad you've ran into someone who can appreciate the rather unique way you (well, we (Aspies)) think! I sleep happy tonight :)


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Redeagle
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24 Aug 2009, 12:21 pm

ViperaAspis wrote:
Redeagle wrote:
Actually it turns out she's been seeing someone for about a week. Shes amazingly kind and heres a minor miracle, she understnads me. I make her laugh a lot and she seems to enjoy my company. I wonder if I should keep up with her and keep her in my personal loop.


If YOU are okay with that, I think that is a GREAT idea! There's nothing but positives that come from having a female friend. You'll learn to get along with them, how they think, meet their friends (along with a good review), learn what they want in a mate, etc. etc. It really just goes on and on.

It sounds like you're not "obsessed" with her (i.e. she's not becoming your AS Special Interest in an unhealthy way) which is another good sign.

I'm glad you've ran into someone who can appreciate the rather unique way you (well, we (Aspies)) think! I sleep happy tonight :)



I want to keep her as a good friend and keep my hat in the ring. I dont want to loose someone I can talk to and who can say that will happen. If it happens it will happen. I hope and pray somethign will happen but thats out of my hands so hope and wait are all I can do with her.

I have been wrestling with my feeling for her to get then under control. She damn near a perfect match for me and I do feel some saddness that i might have missed my chance with her. I do wonder if I should tell her how I feel, I get the sense she knows but is waiting for me to tell her. Shes one of the few people i've met that make me want to spend time with them.