Wanting to get a bit more serious with an Aspie-ish partner

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I will start with some background information on the situation. I have been seeing this girl for around 3 1/2 weeks. We met through a mutual friend and immediately hit it off. We have an incredibly lot in common and seem to connect in a way that I have seldom experienced in the past. We communicate pretty much every day, usually via text messages. When we hang out, we usually take walks and talk about our interests, which are similar. In general, we are not particularly flirty, but pretty much always kiss and/or snuggle briefly before we part ways. There was one day that we did sleep together.

Now, as I have been getting to know her better, I have been noticing quite a few AS traits. We have a very AS-ish conversational dynamic, she is very aloof (which I find endearing), she stims (both vocal and physical), sometimes misses social cues, has special interests (which are similar to my own), has apparent difficulties describing her inner emotional state and doesn't really talk about that sort of thing, is sensitive to bright light and has a relatively flat affect. The cadence of her speech is also on the AS side of NT (from my experience with the two groups, anyway). She also reminds me of three girls whom I have known over the years - two were AS and the third had an AS father. However, the girl in question doesn't move like most aspies whom I have met and does seem to maintain a healthy social network (albeit of other odd-balls).

Now, I am pretty sure that she is fairly into me. However, we both have only explicated that we like various things about one another, and never said anything on the order of "I really like you." Also, we have never discussed anything related to "couple-dom". The couple of times that I have dropped subtle hints in conversation that would (as I have learned from years of trial and error) generally stear the conversation in a direction that would allow for these things to come up, she has been entirely oblivious.

My dilema is that I am not quite sure where we stand, beyond really enjoying eachother's company and having a slight (albeit intense when it does happen) physical connection. I would like to start getting a bit more serious and make it official. However, as I ellucidated above, I have no idea what her intensions are. I am wondering what to do. I could be blunt about it and "lay all of my cards on the table" but I am worried that it would scare her away. Also, she is moving back in with her mother, who lives 30 minutes away (she had previously lived a block away from me), so I have an added impetus to make sure that this doesn't fall appart.

Guys, do you have any advice as to how I might guage where she stands, and when/how/if I should spill the beans as to how I feel and that I would like to make it official?

Just to clarify: in this context, is "sleep together" a euphemism for having sex? In many cases it is, but I wasn't sure since you indicated uncertainty about whether the two of you were a couple, and that you had not been seeing each other for very long. (Apologies for missing any communicative subtleties) If it is, then I think you're pretty much at the official "couple" stage already.


Being frank and direct is likely your best option, especially if she does not respond to the more subtle signals. Someone who misses social cues will often appreciate when others bypass such under-the-radar signals to make everything clear.

Yes, "sleep together" is a euphemism. And thanks for the advice.

WARNING! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON! ASSUME NOTHING!

Especially if it's only happened once so far. These days that does not necessarily indicate intent to emotionally commit over the long-term.

I wouldn't begin to try to analyze your situation without firsthand observation, so I would never tell you what you should do. But I would suggest that you not take an existing relationship for granted without further indicators.

Sometimes you just have to ask.

UPDATE:

So, I took Orwell's advice, more or less. She said that she would be open the idea of something serious if it does eventually happen, but that I shouldn't get my hopes up for anything anytime soon. She has had a string of bad relationships and is in the process of figuring herself out and figuring out what a healthy relationship even is. She said that she really does like me and enjoys spending time with me, but is in no shape to be able to commit to anything right now. I confessed that I am also quite cynical in regards to my past experiences with women. We more or less agreed to maintain the status quo. We went on to laugh at funny little things we did as children, such as making the same art project over and over again.

Argh... She is NT enough to balance me out (pretty sure she technically qualifies as NT by a small margin), but aspie enough to relate to me - a rare combination. Why does there always have to be a catch?

Oh, well... C'est la vie... Amor Fati.

"She is NT enough to balance me out (pretty sure she technically qualifies as NT by a small margin), but aspie enough to relate to me" - Kaysea

After reading your first post I had the impression you were definitely in the NT side of the human continuum so does this mean you are AS? (silly question to ask on this site I know)

Yeah, I'm Dx'ed. I guess I should have specified.