Tired of not having any girls in my life at all

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Any girls that are any bit attracted to me that is. All over the place I see guys talking to these hot girls and it seems like everything goes well all the time and there is always a girl or more interested in the guy and she touches him and gets close to him and all that little stuff that normal guys take for granted. Meanwhile, I don't even talk to any girls at school so I obviously don't get any kind of attention. And I'm really shy which also doesn't help anything.

Sometimes I wonder what it would like to have girls in my life like that and for it to just be a normal thing and not be like "OMG, a hot girl, yay!" or at least to treat it like that like normal people do. To say that makes me feel like I am damaged in some way when it comes to girls because it's like a super special occasion that I get to talk to a good looking girl

I'm also tired of doing the same old thing every night when I get home and it makes me wish more that I had a girl that would just hang out with me or get me out of the house and stuff like that.

I don't know, I'm also literally tired right now so I'm going to bed, lol. I wonder if anything I wrote even made sense, I can barely keep my eyes open.

Hi j5689

The next time you see a guy surrounded by "hot" girls, take a careful look at him - do you really want to be one of those jerks?

Most are semi-articulate pigs ("Like, you know... hey dude..."), with no redeeming qualities what so ever, surrounding themselves with bimbos to cover-up the complete emptiness of their lives.

You are obviously an intelligent, articulate and insightful young man. Concentrate on your studies and on making good friends - male and female - who share your interests, and you will gradually develop a circle of good friends which will include plenty of intelligent and interesting young women.

Remember also that high-school is only temporary and what women look for in a partner changes as they get older - a twenty-something man with a university degree and a promising career looks very sexy to most women.

Your best years are yet to come.

Nice first post to the person above me.

Much as I'd like to believe it gets better in college, one need only look at the rest of this sub-forum to see all of the 20-somethings in the same situation. That's a little bit further discouraging.

Then again, those who don't need help never seek it, so maybe I'm only seeing a small portion of people that happened to stay stuck in the situation beyond my age.

So anyone that doesn't sound like an english professor is semi-articulate? You don't need to use 20 words in a typical conversation when you can use 4. If I need to take a s**t, then I need to take a s**t. I don't need to travel towards a plumbing fixture on foot with the purpose of excreting fecal matter in response to a strong perceived physiological stimulus. Cut that pseudo-intellectual crap out, intelligence isn't measured by how casual or scholarly you talk.

Anyways, if you really want to get p****, you're gonna have to be independent and patient about it. It takes years to develop not only your skills, but your knowledge when it comes to this. The reason I also said independent is cuz if you're just looking for p****, then some people will not support you since they think it's shallow. You're gonna have to start NOW as well. Don't expect things to get much easier as you age.

You might wanna take a look at this thread too: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt20753.html
It digs much deeper than what I'm saying.

Most of these guys with the harems of bikini babes are players anyway.

You make being a player sound like a bad thing. I guess it is in the sense of being likely to play around on someone you're in a relationship with - but it's better than not being player, which will result in all women rejecting you.

No, I do not use twenty words in a sentence (which I assume is the word you were looking for rather than "conversation") when I can use four. I also do not feel it necessary to express myself in the most vulgar and profane manner possible out of some misguided effort to conform. And yes, people who lack the vocabulary and imagination to speak in anything other than a string of cliches are "semi-articulate".

In my original reply, I tried to give this young man advice that played to his strengths, a few of which are his obvious intelligence, articulateness and capacity for self-reflection. I felt this was a better strategy than encouraging him to be something he isn't by emulating the guys surrounded by "hot" girls. On reflection, my original reply was overly simplistic.



You're right; it's the blind leading the blind around here. What we can do, is share our experiences and try to learn from our own and others mistakes. I write this as a 29 year old man, sharing his life experiences and reflections with you, in the hope that you may take something from the reading which you can apply to your own situation.



I'm not going to pretend to be a relationship expert or counsellor. I can only offer the practical advise that you try to use your strengths to endear yourself to others. You have mentioned in other threads that you are very good with computers. Use this; when you see someone (especially a girl) having problem with their computer at school, ask if they would like some help. You can then focus on the technical problem, rather than trying to hold a conversation. When you have finished and they thank you, just smile and say "thats OK" or "no problem", and leave it at that. Being a nice guy who's good with computers and isn't after anything else, is a good start, and you can eventually move on to exchanging "hellos", and cultivating a circle of casual female friends.

One word of warning regarding the link in AceOfSpades reply: Most women do NOT want to be approached out-of-the-blue by men in public places, such as malls or public libraries. Most are there with their friends or going about their own business and do not want to be disturbed by unwelcomed advances.

Does anyone else have any practical advise for this young man?

Are there any women reading this thread who can offer a perspective?

The problem and its solution are in your post. I bolded it.

1)talk to girls

2)do not limit yourself to hot girls. Talk to any girls, regardless of how they look

Well, tbh, the whole time I meant good looking girls. I'm not sure why I'd want to involve myself with a girl that didn't look good. Shallow sounding I know, but that's the truth. And if it's the same reason that that happens for me, then so be it.

And that's what I see is all of the good-looking girls talking to other and that's what bothers me. Everyone seems to be getting some kind of good-looking girls attention in at least some way except me.

Okay, I'll take a shot at helping this young man out. I will not waste my time with any rumination or commiseration with men that have the same challenge. What is needed here is a solution.

First of all, one minor change, it's women not girls. You don't want a 10 year old, do you?

Yes, of course you want the hot women. Nobody wants an ugly woman, unless looks don't matter to them. In most high school there are a fair number of hot ladies, so it shouldn't be a problem to find them. And, yes, you do want to be the guy surrounded by the hot ladies. Who wouldn't?

Now, if you want to be surrounded by the ladies, yes, you are going to have to talk to them. I don't see a way around it. If you are so shy that you can't talk to the ladies then you are going to have to make some changes within yourself. I cannot recommend this book enough, it has the answers. Dale Carnegie's famous "How To Win Friends and Influence People":

http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-I ... 0671723650

It was published in 1931 and it's advice is just as good today. I say a well spent $8 and it can be found in any bookstore.

Second, you are going to have to learn to talk to your classmates. Accept the fact that some will reject you. That's okay. Find a wallflower and start a conversation. Talk about the weather, classes, landscaping, any subject that comes to your mind. Practice, practice, practice. Some people will look at you and walk away, others will eagerly engage. The more you do it the easier it becomes.

Once you finish the Carnegie book, return to the bookstore or library and read every single book in there about meeting women, or starting conversations with people. The Internet has lots of good information. Turn yourself into an information sponge. Talking to women is a learned skill, you can figure out how to do it.

I do know that hugging is very big in schools these days. Truth be told, I hate hugging myself. Sometimes I find myself being forced to hug. I get over it. Can you stomach some light hugging?

Another recommendation would be to smile and appear friendly. I know, not everyone feels happy and friendly all the time, but people are making decisions all the time whether they want to talk to you or not, and people are drawn to happier people. A little smiling goes a long way.

There, that should give you a place to start.

Good luck.

Join the club, man. I too have never had any relationships or affection from any girls in my entire life. I'm so use to having no affection and being alone that if a girl actually were to show me affection, I'd be in shock. At this point, I'd be happy if I could just be friends with a girl but that's easier said than done.

Still, I feel I am still a young man who has plenty of years left. I happen to have a big liking for older girls; right now I'm not at that age yet where I am compatible with them but as I age, my time will eventually come. I have a big liking for more mature girls who are in their mid to late 20's, not the girls who are in their late teens and those who act immature and obnoxious. Once I get to be in my late 20's, hopefully my time will come.

It's simple dude, go and talk to one. You can never know until you try it. What's the worst that could happen?

Start talking to girls, find out a bit about them, get some experience.

Hi j5689

I have just spent a couple of hours reading some of your previous posts on this website and now understand that your concerns are deeper and go back further than I first realised. I now realise that the advice I gave in my previous replies won't be helpful to you, and I apologise.

If I had the opportunity again, I know that before posting advice in this thread, I would have taken the time to read some of your previous posts and the replies you received, and thought more carefully about whether I had anything original or helpful to offer.

I thought Dale Carnigies book was really weak. It didn't teach you how to do that "mocking banter" thing done by every popular guy I've ever known where they affectionatly make fun of people they like.

In fact, in college, I tried really hard to do the Carnigie things, and one female friend of mine complained to me that it was really obvious and fake that I was asking people about themselves just to be polite. She always slept with the "teasing" guys too.

I'll take a shot at getting advice.
j5689, there is nothing wrong with you sounding like a college professor. Ignore AceOfSpades. Since you have AS, it's just who you are, not a show that you are trying to put on. AceOfSpades is also exagerating on the professor talk. The semi-articulate pigs talk the way they do to get a girl. I still get nervous around girls, but I've built up courage. Join clubs of common interests. You will find people to whom you can talk about your interests. Join in group discussions that have a girl in it. Also find one or two NT's to whom you can talk about this kind of stuff. I talk to my best friend and my mom. They help me a lot and understand AS. My best friend puts stuff in a way that any Aspie can understand.