My boyfriend wants a 'domestic disipline' relationship.

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emlion
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03 Sep 2010, 2:23 pm

My boyfriend of a year told me that sometimes he thinks I behave irrationally and that I put myself into danger with situations and that his words have no effect on me. The only time I listen to him, apparently, is when he treats me 'like a child.'- these are his words not mine.

He told me he thinks i'd benefit from our relationship if it became one where he could punish me for situations where i'm putting myself in danger/being commpletely irrational.

I don't think I overly have a problem with it, but i'm worried if people found out they would think he was abusive.
Any thoughts would be appreciated greatly.



CockneyRebel
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03 Sep 2010, 2:25 pm

It does seem like he's being abusive.


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emlion
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03 Sep 2010, 2:26 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
It does seem like he's being abusive.


If I give him my full consent, is it still abusive? I know myself sometimes I do push things a little far and he worries about me so much because I always do dangerous things because I like the kick.



Moog
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03 Sep 2010, 2:28 pm

Is this a sex thing?

What consenting adults do within the confines of their house is none of anyone's business. Sounds a bit unusual to me though.


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emlion
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03 Sep 2010, 2:30 pm

Moog wrote:
Is this a sex thing?

What consenting adults do within the confines of their house is none of anyone's business. Sounds a bit unusual to me though.


It's nothing to do with sex.

I have trouble taking responsibility with things and taking big risks.
He can't really handle it very well, and I just want to make him happy - and maybe this will.



Lene
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03 Sep 2010, 2:50 pm

Hell no! He's your boyfriend, not your legal guardian. Tell him to f-off!



Marcia
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03 Sep 2010, 2:51 pm

My advice, take it or leave it, is that you should leave him now. In a loving, caring relationship no one should be "punished".



emlion
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03 Sep 2010, 2:53 pm

Lene wrote:
Hell no! He's your boyfriend, not your legal guardian. Tell him to f-off!


He's not forcing me to do this, it's my choice.
I wasn't sure and looking for other peoples opinions.
It looks like it's probably not a good idea then.
We'll work it another way.

I love him, and he loves me. He just gets fed up of me doing stupid things.



emlion
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03 Sep 2010, 2:55 pm

Thanks for all the replies.
I think we'll have to work it another way. :)
Or i'll just have to try and reign myself in sometimes and not do stupid things or take risks which could get myself hurt.

Please don't go away from this thinking he's abusive. He's never laid a hand on me or hurt me in anyway. I hope I didn't make it come across like he's a heartless bastard. :(



emmasma
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03 Sep 2010, 3:05 pm

controlling relationships are very dangerous. Are you doing things that put you in physical danger, or are very bad? If so you should seek help from someone professional.

Is this punishment physical?

If he is trying to convince you that he should be able to hurt you physically because he does not approve of your behavior then he is very, very wrong.

He may even think that this is for your own good, but it is not.

Men who like to be in charge gravitate toward women who are weak; either young, shy, someway easy to control. That does not mean they are trying to be abusive, but it almost always ends up with the weaker one suffering.

This sounds beyond accaptable to me. If this is physical "punishment" You should get out now. The fact that he would even consider this as an option is dangerous.

Even if it is not physical it sounds belittling to you, and that is not OK either.



menintights
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03 Sep 2010, 3:18 pm

I just wanted to point out that even if you say "it's my choice," sometimes it just isn't.

I assume your boyfriend knows about your syndrome and he could very well have good intentions, but his desire to "punish as appropriate" sounds more fatherly than boyfriend-ly, and in my opinion a boyfriend cannot double as a legal guardian--he just can't.

If you think you could use some help with your irrational behavior, you really should consider professional counseling instead (or meds maybe, even?).



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03 Sep 2010, 3:20 pm

This is just very very wrong. You need to get out of this relationship, before it gets out of hand. He just wants to control you, have you submit to his will. You are your own person, not his property.

Sure you think nothing of it now, but how long before you end up like the crying abused women on Maury Povich?



emlion
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03 Sep 2010, 3:43 pm

Thanks for the thoughts.

He really is a lovely boy, just doesn't know how to cope with my stupidly dangerous acts.

He said I should see a councillor or something, he's probably right. Maybe we'll try that instead.

Thanks. x



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03 Sep 2010, 3:50 pm

lolwut

being 'punished' by your bf is just so wrong I wouldn't even know where to begin. Unless it's in a kinky way, that is acceptable.



mechanicalgirl39
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03 Sep 2010, 3:51 pm

Please dump him. That is not appropriate behaviour.

If he cared about you he'd encourage you to get better at whatever weaknesses you have, not ask to control and punish you.

Dump him.


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