01 Feb 2006, 7:47 pm
I'm registered at two of them and found some nice guys, and the whole process of getting to know someone is much easier than in real life where I'm completely clueless. However, obviously there comes a time when I have to meet them in person.
And I'm TERRIFIED about it.
The funny thing is that I tried this thing out because I thought I won't be too scared to go on a date if I know more about the man beforehand. I have friends whom I met through Internet and later when we met in person it was like we've always known each other, feeling quite comfortable around them, etc. But they are only friends. And it seems that's a big difference.
Right now my biggest problem is Tom, whom I really like, but only as a friend, and even though we haven't met in person I can tell there'll be nothing more than friendship between us and he lives too far anyway. He is pressuring me to meet him (so much that it's annoying) and I don't know what to do because I should really tell him that basically he has no chance, and I've been wanting to tell it for at least two months but never had the courage and it's getting worse and now I feel really guilty because he is actually very nice and has been hurt so many times by other girls and everything else. The worst thing is that he clings to me so much, right now I'm the only girl he's corresponding with (even though I told him to try finding others too) and he always says that of all the girls he ever found on the internet I'm the one he likes the most. (it must have been a compliment but why do I find it so creepy?)
I also feel it wouldn't be nice of me if I agreed to meet him and made him drive for hours just to meet me when I'm 99,99% sure there'll be nothing between us. But I'm such a coward I cannot tell this to him.
And then there's another man, who I like much more, he's a shy and cute one, from the same matchmaking site. I know less about him than about Tom and don't know why I like him more, maybe because he hasn't brought up the topic of meeting yet? And if he wants to meet me, will I be this scared again? 
I don't know if it makes any sense but anyway it was good to get it off my chest.
01 Feb 2006, 9:12 pm
01 Feb 2006, 9:14 pm
And I'm TERRIFIED about it.
i can empathise, i've been in that position. i've never been on online dating sites, but i have got to know people through AS message boards and mailing lists, and the meeting-up thing can often be awkward.... once i gave up on a potential relationship because visiting her meant getting a flight, and i'd never been on a plane before. but the very next person i got interested in was with living in exactly the same place!! ! we did arrange to meet up (pm me if you want to know what happened, i don't feel comfortable writing about it here)
Right now my biggest problem is Tom, whom I really like, but only as a friend, and even though we haven't met in person I can tell there'll be nothing more than friendship between us and he lives too far anyway. He is pressuring me to meet him (so much that it's annoying) and I don't know what to do because I should really tell him that basically he has no chance, and I've been wanting to tell it for at least two months but never had the courage and it's getting worse and now I feel really guilty because he is actually very nice and has been hurt so many times by other girls and everything else. The worst thing is that he clings to me so much, right now I'm the only girl he's corresponding with (even though I told him to try finding others too) and he always says that of all the girls he ever found on the internet I'm the one he likes the most. (it must have been a compliment but why do I find it so creepy?)
I also feel it wouldn't be nice of me if I agreed to meet him and made him drive for hours just to meet me when I'm 99,99% sure there'll be nothing between us. But I'm such a coward I cannot tell this to him.
And then there's another man, who I like much more, he's a shy and cute one, from the same matchmaking site. I know less about him than about Tom and don't know why I like him more, maybe because he hasn't brought up the topic of meeting yet? And if he wants to meet me, will I be this scared again?
I don't know if it makes any sense but anyway it was good to get it off my chest.
it makes perfect sense, i can relate to what you say... wish i could offer some helpful advice, but i haven't exactly been brilliantly successful myself
i once had a clingy person who wouldn't get to know anyone else, it was very stressful, i felt under a lot of emotional pressure from her which is a very bad thing in a potential relationship! i felt like i couldn't say no or break things off
there have been several people who i was too shy to ask to meet
unfortunately i do have a lack of confidence which doesn't help!
02 Feb 2006, 12:21 am
pepsiprincessBC
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 20 Jan 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 52
Location: bc canada
02 Feb 2006, 3:52 am
02 Feb 2006, 5:11 am
02 Feb 2006, 8:11 am
This is all women would tell me when i was looking "I just like you as a freind" When that is ALL YOU HEAR, you get very frustrated. I'm on eharmony. I was matched with this one person, kind of close to me. But throgh just email and talking online, she tells me "I just like you as a freind, nothing more" I told her we shopuld at least talk on the phone a few times, maybe meet to get a better feel for each other. But she says she would only like me as a friend. So I cut it off. I told her i was looking for a relationship, every women I know always says "I just want you as a friend" line so they feel better about hurting them. I stopped talking to her. Her loss. If she wanted to talk on the phone and/ or meet to get a better feel for each other and it did not work out, I would have been fine. But she, like most women don't even want to give me a chance.
Just tell Tom it won't work out, but don't tell him you want to be a friend if he is looking for more. be honest with yourself and him.
KenM,
You're crying the same blues alot of men cry. I completely agree with you. I don't understand why women just have to sugar coat the truth. When they say "I just want to be friends" most men think that by "befriending" them(the woman in question) she will eventually develop feelings for you. In some cases this might true, but alot of the time, It's just a "nice" way of putting you down.
But keep in mind though, that some women might not be attracted to you romantically, but still *geniounnely* desire a friendship. If thats the case you need to evaluate your feelings for the girl to see whether or not the friendship can last. I personally believe it's hard for a male and a female to have a close platonic relationship because one eventually develops feelings for the other, and that in turn could ruin the friendship.
I think cutting them off is good way to keep your dignity intact, but their are other ways to maintain your dignity without cutting off contact completely. Tell her you'll be her friend, but start seeing and dating other people, and when you do talk to her make sure you tell her about it. Also find some hobbies to occupy your time. If a woman knows your seeing or talking to other women they will naturaly become more attracted you because they'll see you as "in demand" so to speak. Also if you get involved with hobbies they'll see you as adventurous and interesting which in turn create more attraction.
Hope this helps. Good luck!
02 Feb 2006, 8:27 am
02 Feb 2006, 8:47 am
Thats sound advice Serrisa!
02 Feb 2006, 9:29 am
02 Feb 2006, 4:18 pm
