Empty hearted me! :(

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I'm mid twenties now and just floating through life like I normally do. I get depressed from time to time, but nothing crazy. I have noticed though, how emotionally barren my life has been for years on end. The only man that was genuinely loving me was another aspie of identical severity, but I couldn't return the affection. He's not ugly and has a job, but I can't give love that isn't there. I look at him and only see another human. This makes me sad. The best possible option for a mate has been doggedly pursuing me for nine months, and I don't feel a thing. I enjoy having him as a friend, he always treats me like a princess... but I fear I'm using him. I hate having to remind him in that crushing aspie fashion that I feel nothing for him. And it bothers me me that he still insists on treating me like royalty. Why does he persist when there is no future? Why would he even want me? Why is this even happening to me? I've only felt love once before but it was unrequited and eventually crushed like a walnut at christmas. I'm probably only doing what was done to me, to this poor creature.

Are you pretty/good-looking? Temples have been built and empires torn asunder for the (perceived) love of a beautiful woman.



It could be the challenge of the relationship. He could be hard up and desperate. He could be one of those guys who try to "fix things".



Place / time? It's probably just a convenient conjunction of him being single and you going through a rough time.

Ultimately, why is he trying to pursue this? Ideally I'd start with "you are interesting" and he's wanting to know more about you. The romantic / princess portion is to help you feel comfortable and for him to be able to remain close to you.

IF he "loves" you, why not enjoy it? Must you consider his feelings and potential obligations, therefore taking on double the burden?

Assume he's strong enough and knows what he's doing. You could always just let him know that you have no true feelings towards him but you're willing to go along for the ride.

I am most certainly enjoying the free ride from time to time, but it iritates to to know there is no purpose to any of it other than the aspie fool to spend $$$ on me and enjoy the sunset. He could be investing that money!

Some people put their money into stocks, others buy boats, while others go for art. There's no true right or wrong way. If he chooses to spend it on you (and it makes him happy) it's little different from buying junkers and fixing them up. What he is doing is making him happy and hurts no one, let him be?

But what about you? What do you want?

Do you want the emptiness to go away? Do you want to find a meaningful relationship? Want to be understood?

I've been single for around 5 years now. I miss all the good things, but my relationships have always had complications due to something I did or didn't do, or my inability to be affectionate 24/7, or my frustrations with all of it. Back then I had no idea what Asperger's Syndrome was, so I just suffered. I think now there might be hope for a lasting relationship (whenever that happens), because now I have an explanation for things. I think I want to meet another aspie this time. I'm not sure how better that would be, but I think there would be a lot more tolerance and understanding since we'd both be oddballs. I've noticed, though, that I get along best with Aquarians and Libras. I'm a Gemini (Libra rising). So, an aspie girl who is one of those signs just might do the trick.

I understand where you're coming from. I rarely have feelings for another person, and two times out of three those feelings have not been returned (and the third time my feelings died anyway).

Unrequited love on either side hurts both people, but it is the way of the world, and the way of life. I guess all we can do is live in the hope of finding a mutual bond, and in the meanwhile find our joy in other things (there is plenty in life to find joy in, after all).

Argh... I know my problems are the opposite of many people in this particular forum, having someone chasing me and me hating every second of it...

I'd prefer not being near this fellow because at this point. If I felt something, I would have gone out with him by now but all I feel is pity for him. I'm going to move away or finally meet someone or something and he'll be left in the dust because I don't want to go out with him in the first place. Then he'll be were I was six years ago, heart broken and bleeding on the inside like an ulcer. Because I was stupid and did the same damn thing he's doing when I was a teenager, chasing people. So... yes. I'd rather have emptiness than this fool that wants to go out with me.



It doesn't matter what I want, because my life is good where it is right now. I have a job, a roof over my head at night, and a dog that doesn't back talk when I make her wear stupid sweaters. That's all anyone really needs in this tiny blue marble of a world, minus the stupid sweaters.



Don't flatter me. It doesn't get people far. Though I suppose I look good... I've been told I look "cute", whatever that means.

Okay, it appears you have a heart and somewhat care about this guy. Without a hard conversation / brush off, he's just going to keep coming at you.

"I'm not just that into you. You seem like a nice guy and I don't want to waste your time. <Continue to insert reasons.> So I'd appreciate you not bother me" is nice, but won't get him to back off. Aggressive (or oblivious) men just don't take the subtle hints.

"You're not my type. I'm more into guys <insert items he doesn't have like race, money, etc.>." You may come off as an unfeeling b***h, but if you're doing it from a good place, the karma gods will smile upon you.

Since you're content with where your life is at, I'd expect this to happen again. Some guy is going to come at you will a full on press and you're going to have to, initially, push him away and potentially just shut him down.



Pretty girls have an entirely different set of problems that ugly girls have. Cute is one of those ambivilent phrases and can cut many ways (normal looking but good personality, pretty face and ugly body, something a relative would call you).

"I am good looking"
"I've been told I am good looking"
"I look fiiine"
"I look cute"
"I am normal looking"
"I could stand to lose a few pounds"
"No."

Not an inclusive nor an accurate heirarchy, but this is what I hear.

Cute is generally good. The problem with cute is that a lot of people have individual tastes and one persons version of cute is another one's version of "h4wt"



Made me chuckle. It's good to be content (minus the sweaters), but what did you want in the long term if you had the opportunity?

I think I may have to tell the most oblivious aspie man in the world to "f**k off" or something very harsh. nothing else has worked. I already said "I'm not into you right" now like a zillion times. he just goes "while there is always next week!" and he leave and we both do our own things. Maybe I should just punch him, go cave woman on him. lol. that would be funny. me in a faux fur suit with a club.

I mostly want a house within the next 20 years I can own as mine forever. I'm pretty freaky like some aspies out there, I painted my entire apartment kitchen in checkers to match the linoleum floors and the the landlord was mighty pissed. I wanted to keep them too... If I own a house, I can even do the ceiling in checkers! but I have to get a real job first (definitely over ten dollars an hour).

I'm definitely not fat, but I'm not totally ripped or anything either. like that doughy medium phase between the two. But i used to be fat. It took two years to lose and keep off that accursed weight. I can get away with sexy dresses now. So I'm slightly higher on the cute scale then, i guess?

Yes. Don't need to resort to violence BUT you're going to need to be blunt and in no uncertain terms let him know it's not going to work now, it's not going to work ever. Potentially, introduce the threat of a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order here in the states) if he doesn't leave you alone. No mercy. Show how serious you are. Guess you can always rationalize it as "helping him out for the long run so a little short term pain is expected", but you can just appear crazy as well.



LOL: "Oh gawd, you're one of thoooose women" I've seen in TV shows <chuckle>

Yes, nothing like owning your own piece of the pie. More responsibility BUT it's definately more freedom.



Reasonable and easy enough. I'm more familiar with the housing market in the SFBay and L.Tahoe region: Find/get a roommate to help with expenses. Don't aim big (even a mobile/trailer) to manage outgoing money. Nothing wrong with apartment living at this time if it helps you save.

Do what you love. The money will follow.



Then you're normal. What's that statistic about all Americans in 5-10 years being 'obese'? Ah I diverge

If people have called you cute, it's probably because you don't look half bad and have a decent personality with an interesting background. On the plus side, you don't have to deal with guys ogling you constantly and treating you simply as a body. You also probably don't get viewed with the air of "she is a desperate and easy target".

But you have this funky personality so life is tough. E.g. having someone crushing on you, someone you're trying to brush off

I just don't like being pursued as if I were I damsel in distress. Even if i did have feelings for this guy, I'd still tell him to let off on the control. That's just the way I am. Gosh darn me for being uniquely aspie!

Hmmm, that brings up an interesting point. Most women like being the object of the chase and lament when the chase is over (e.g. Marriage).

Normal predator/prey relationship is when the prey runs, the predator engages and chases. Hence all the advice to stand your ground or to slowly back down when facing wild animals.

What is the best way to "engage" someone who falls outside those bounds?

Here is the problem in a nutshell. So far, what we have is the classical oddball romance that Hollywood loves so much. She doesn't like him, but he keeps up the pursuit in a light hearted but persistent way until she sees the light...

This is such a staple in so many formula movies it isn't funny. And, no doubt, he has seen a bunch of them.

As a wise man once said, don't ever do anything you see in a movie/TV or that they sing about in country and western songs...

He needs that explained to him.

that counts especially for country songs!

I know I shouldn't laugh but wow- that actually is pretty funny. It's so cluelessly literal it's like something a screenwriter would come up with. (And if it shows up in some show or movie, you'll know that some screenwriter is lurking here )