I don't get where I'm supposed to meet people

Post Reply New Topic

I've never dated anyone.

Work isn't an option. Everyone there is either female or married.

Going to a bar isn't an option. What would that get me? A one night stand?

I live in a small town so there's no such thing as social groups, clubs, etc. I'm not religious and don't plan on becoming religious, so that also rules out church, synagogue (there's not one here, but I'm just saying), etc.

Online isn't an option. I don't put my pictures on the internet to begin with but even if I did it seems like it would be such a hassle to get something started with someone from like 500 miles away then meet them for real 3 months later and they're completely different from what I thought.

So... what am I supposed to do? I've thought about moving or taking a different/another job.

Personals ads in newspapers just strike me as kind of seedy, so... that's out.

Try craigslist. It's in most cities and the only information people have is the stuff you put in your ad, as it uses an anonymous remailer.

Culling the spam is a bit tough, so ask people who reply to answer a question in your ad to ensure they've read it.

You don't even want to upload a pic for a dating site? It can't be all that important if you aren't up to that.

If your town is too small for social groups and clubs, you'll need to go outside of town for those. There must be something in one or more of the surrounding towns that meets regularly. Adult education classes are also good.

In your town, look for civic activities that you can take part in:

volunteering with local causes such as pet shelters, neighborhood improvement activities (picking up trash in the park, painting the bleachers)

town pride activities where other people gather such as picnics or races

local politics- get involved with the candidate of your choice

I can't use craigslist because I don't live in a city. Even if I did, they'd still want a picture.

The nearest city that actually has something for craigslist is 250 miles away.

I have no way of getting outside of my town since I can't drive.

Volunteering WOULD be a good idea, I used to do that, but it was sort of like work. The only people who bother are female or already married.

In my town, you're pretty much married if you're over 20.

Why would you want to meet someone?
and
What could you offer them?

I'm not being mean. I'm being serious here.

Relationships only work if there is something in it for both partners.

You need to think about what you want and what you can offer. If you want too much, then you'll have "sweeten" the deal.

For example, the sort of person that you're after might not be the sort of person who is willing to relocate to a remote place. They might want shared interests, they might want to go out to bars/clubs etc.


Relocation sounds like a good option. You don't want to supply a picture, so you need to meet face to face. If your town is as small/remote as you describe, then you're not going to meet anyone there.

Ball park, what area of the east coast?

I've been up to Battleboro down to Gaithersburg, and liked to travel so basically got out of town on the weekends to enjoy the small towns.

Dating sites are going to be extremely limited if you're ~250 miles from a population center, so you're out of luck plus it may be disconcerting dating (or finding out who is dating) in your area via one of the major sites (eharmony, match, yahoo etc.)

You do *not* need to put up a picture, though it helps. First, a picture helps (for some reason, there are a lot of water lillies out there) to draw attention to the add. Write up a few paragraphs (short ads are typically spam) and see what your response factor is. You do not have to reply and you can easily walk away from any email which comes your way if you don't get a good feeling from the response.

Small towns, yeah. You're limited as there aren't that many social interactions going on. Volunteer events as mentioned previously may help, as would volunteering for something like the fire fighters if you're physical enough.

So if it was me, I'd hit craigslist first. It's free and very non-committal. People (like me who travel) use it to find places and meet people. Another site is couchsurfing as you can host, or just be a person who surfs, or just want to meet someone for coffee & convo.

If you have money, travel. A couple of day trips shouldn't be that expensive. You can hit a major city, setup a tour yourself and when you do bump into folks, make up a story and let them know you're from out of town.

So, how is your impromptu conversational skills and comfort level? Do you have the funds to hit a large city like Boston/NY/DC? Are you better as a writer/penpal?

[quote="gbollard"
For example, the sort of person that you're after might not be the sort of person who is willing to relocate to a remote place. [/quote]
That's why I'm not looking online. Please stop suggesting online, for people who have been doing that.

okcupid.com is the best I've found online. Answer a couple hundred questions, then query for people around that might be compatible.

meetup.com is another good one, many areas have a "non-dating active singles" group.

Volunteering does sound like a lot of work.

A small town can be very tough on a single person who would like to meet someone of the opposite gender. Choices are limited, and reputations become known to everyone.

You might try going to another location, just temporarily. If it is another small town, you will stimulate the interests of the local bachelors.

The question for aspies is not "where". Question is "how"!

NTs meet up all the time in all sorts of locations an aspie would never even consider: grocery stores, home improvement stores (yeah that's apparently big ), sports events, concerts, parks (all those single people walking dogs? what do you think they are REALLY doing at the park as opposed to just walking the dog around the block?!), and some obvious locations: coffee shops, book stores.

Don't try bars or night clubs unless sex is all you are after... because that's all you are going to find there. (Or worse yet... a really really bad relationship.)

It is almost as if there's a whole other universe out there but we are not privy to it.