Shy guy likes shy girl - has this happened to u?

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Hey guys, I've a bit of a complicated situation in my life, and am desperate for answers. I've really only shared this with my sister, who knows this girl. I thought other people who have Asperger's and such would be a good group to ask.

A couple weeks ago, when classes had started again, my sister asked me if I knew this certain girl. She said her name, described her and told me she was the kind of girl I would fall for - my sister knows me way too well. A couple days later, I found out who she was talking about, she's in one of my classes. I couldn't believe it, she was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen

The problem is, guys are usually the ones that are supposed to make the first move and with this girl I can't do it, not even say the first word. Last year, I didn't fall for one girl in particular and because of that, I really had no problem making small talk and jokes with a lot of the "hot"/"popular" girls at my school and did great at it. This year has been different though.

We're both introverts, so going up to her and saying "what's up?" is not going to work. She's not the type to do that to in the first place - although I get the sense that she gets along with everyone, I've only seen her talk to this one girl who I actually knew in kindergarten and remembered me after 11 years of not seeing each other. Her friend is very nice to me and takes to the quiet and calm softness I give off, so I figured I do have one thing going for me.

I'm only in 1 class with her but other than that, I see her in the hallways 3 or 4 times a day, walking her classes alone. Sometimes I'm with a friend and it's easy to ignore her, but a lot of the time we'll pass right by each other with me looking straight forward but not at her. Today we passed each other, going opposite directions, and she got pretty close to me and I just didn't know what to do so I just kept walking forward.

I feel very trapped and almost scared when this happens, scared of her thinking I'm invading her or creeping her out. And like I said, it happens 3 or 4 times a day. I asked my sister if I should take different routes so I don't see her, and she said no, that she would notice if I was avoiding her, and it's normal to see the same people on your campus routes several times a day.

I'd ask my friends for advice, but most of the conversation with my friends at school is either about football or video games, and when we do talk about girls it's very general and not about real feelings, like I have for this girl. So if anyone here, guys or girls, that are shy and have really liked another shy person - I would really, really appreciate hearing from.

This has happened to me numerous times. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I think you could start by just smiling at her and when you pass her in the hall. Then move up to a quick hi. She's in your class so it would be normal as a recognition thing. This would get her more comfortable and lay the groundwork so you'll feel more comfortable bringing up a topic related to class. Then you could talk about other things. If she's shy she probably would really value someone she could have an interesting conversation with instead of the usual social banter. I wouldn't rush it though. It may take a little time before you're both comfortable. Don't put on a mask of false bravado-women see through that.

Ah, the joys of youth and hormones.

First off, examine your rigging. The horse goes in front of the cart, not the other way around. You have feelings of attraction, and they want to be more. That will scare girls away even if they don't come from the local Unabomber.

Smile, say hi a few times. Ease into it. I think this is one area where Aspies can feel even more intensely than NTs, the attraction phase.

It is good you are thinking of her comfort zone, because you are going to have to navigate it, expand it, and challenge it, but in a non-threatening way, but in an aggressive enough way to be attractive as a mate, not a friend, and without being disrespectful. It's almost all mutually exclusive! Good luck!

Once you've said hi a few times, plant an inside joke. Something about yourself or something you both saw and had a reaction to. Then you have something you share that nobody else does. That's your wedge. In the meantime, try not to give in to the desire to proclaim undying love and devotion, and putting her on a pedestal. See the thread here somewhere about nice guys. Don't be one. They aren't really nice.

it's happened to me before. but i was as clueless as you are now. and regrettably i never made a move.
don't let that happen to you. go for it!

on a side note: i am a bit more successful with the ladies now so no worries on my part. and just proof that it's possible for your sake.
win-win situation

Yeah, time to get some experience.

First, smile at her in the hallway and/or say hi. See if she likes that. If she returns the favor, try to get a conversation going sometime -- it will be much easier once you are used to actually acknowledging each other.

Definitely don't let the opportunity pass you by. Even if its the most difficult thing you could think of doing, you were able to make small talk last year so you're at least capable of it.

Get creative and talk to her asap. While you might find someone else eventually, I guarantee not making the attempt will hurt you very badly. Even if you become embarrassed and a recluse, there are some things that are just as bad. Like seeing some other person make a move and walking the halls with her, in your place.

This is happening to me now, I think. A guy I "know" hangs out with me at lunch every day at school, and even though he wasn't open about himself. I think I might have kind of scared him away by my unintentional advance (whoops!), and yet he still sits beside me every lunch like nothing happened. Now I'm a little confused.

I don't know what to do with him. Since he answered "no" when at one time I asked him if he would ever date me (and I do mean ever), it feels as though I'm stuck with him. I guess this means he just wants to be friends permanently. But I guess I understand. He probably wants a skinny neurotypical girl as a girlfriend.

Though I'm beginning to wonder. He doesn't act like anyone I've ever seen: he appears to lack empathy...maybe he's an Aspergian too?

Thanks for the responses Seanmw and Greatsharkbite, I have months ahead of me but I do know what you mean.

LP0rc about comfort zones, I'm afraid of going into hers and definitely would not break the ice by getting into deep feelings. One of the reasons I really like her because she is quiet and reserved, like myself. Something similar has happened to me before, it was with a previous "crush". I thought there might have been a mutual interest, but I would always catch her staring at me, and I didn't know what to do from there...I felt my comfort zone was invaded, so I never talked to her. Right now I'm just hoping that some circumstances will be laid down so I can make small talk, it's initiating it that's tough for me, but after that I've got a pretty good idea of what to do.

Well guys, after a couple weeks, still I haven't talked to her

I'm pretty sure she has noticed me - I'm the tallest person in the class we have together, have dark hair and dark eyes and am very clean (sorry if I sound cocky) We've made eye contact a couple times in the hallways and I saw her looking at me the other day in class, when this happens I blush and look away. One time I held the door for her, and she said thank you softly, but that was weeks ago. Most of the time, when class ends, my friend tells me to wait up to tell me something, and she walks past us slowly. She always has a very thoughtful, pensive look on her face and I don't know how she'd respond to me smiling at her, which I pretty much don't do to people who I don't talk to on a daily basis.

I know how immature I sound, LOL I'm very inexperienced, but at my high school, there aren't really that many serious, mutual relationships, especially among the friends I have.

I think I can totally relate to this girl because I have been there. I think she is waiting for you to do something and is wondering if she was wrong when she thought you were interested. Just ask her out for coffee or something to get over the hump. I really think she likes you and wants to know you better. Remember this is probably just as hard for her.

The problem is finding a girl that is otherwise shy but can still indicate that she likes you... sorta two opposite attributes there...