Baggage

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Impediments to dating acceptance are many. One of the biggest is baggage.
Now, for NTs and possibly for everyone else, "the baggage of the Ex" is huge. Having never had an ex nor been anyone's ex, I feel I have no 'baggage' in that department.

However, the lack of any relationship, would that not also be considered 'baggage' of a sort? People will naturally assume that if one has never had a relationship, it must be for a 'reason' that indicates that the person is highly undesirable or unsuitable for a relationship.

I feel that a lack of "relationship" experience is an impediment as well. Without that experience, potential partners are suspicious as to why nobody has wanted to be in a relationship with us. They probably also view us as being too needy (which is a turn-off in the NT world) and also they don't want to be seen in a relationship with someone who is viewed as mentally challenged by the rest of society. They also possibly view us as being potentially too "clingy".

And this is why I go into the long story of how I was treated as a child by boys to try to explain it.

I sense that lack of experience is a much bigger turn-off for women seeking men that vice versa, especially as long as you don't appear that you're waiting for marriage to have sex (or you find a guy who's waiting).

A girl who hasn't had any kind of relationship (to me) sends a message that either she's really mean (which I'm guessing you give no impression of being) or that she's intentionally holding off on dating. A guy who hasn't seems to give off a vibe that he's really hard to get along with or a loser.

It depends on the person. What a person considers baggage (or dealvreakers in your other thread) is individual. What one person considers too much baggage/deal breaker, another person may consider highly attractive. As the old saying goes, "one man's meat is another man's poison". That saying is around for a reason. One person says "that person has never been in a relationship, he/she must be horribly flawed and impossible to be with". But another person says "that person has never been in a relationship, he/she has been waiting for just the right person- I'm just the right person, I'm special".

Those aren't the only two things people could think of course. I just want to convey that it's so individual that you can't really make any hard and fast rules about universal dealbreakers (such as inexperience) because there is no universal. (But I'll still make a universal rule just for biostructure- the shy and inexperienced girl really isn't going to dabble in casual sex just for you- not gonna happen.)

Well I can honestly say I am not really mean, nor am I deliberately holding off dating.

It's pretty hard to say no when you've never been asked.

But a sexually experienced girl can still be shy in other ways. And a lack of social contact may not just be because of shyness, it could be because the person does not want much social contact--but that doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy sexual contact just as much as someone who wants more social contact.

That's amazing. I'm surprised at how many women here on WP are almost never approached by guys, even those who are quite attractive. I'm thinking maybe it's out of a learned impression that girls who appear shy are not looking to be hit on. I know when I try saying hi to girls who look like they'd be too timid to approach guys, and try to send signals I find them sexually attractive, they usually just stand there silently, and I feel a little on the predatory side.

It's funny--there's this girl I ran into recently at an event who looked as if she could be that type, but she was so cute I just had to say hi. She then told me within like the first two minutes that she's pansexual and politically very active, and that was without any kind of prompting on my part. But, the fact that she was so short and cute still gave me a sense of the approach appearing predatory that I wouldn't have gotten with a woman who didn't have the "shy little girl" look. But then if the girl looks tall and confident, she might scare men away.

When it comes to approachability, I would think I am fairly 'approachable'. I try not to be too friendly or too passive.
Heh, I used to be attractive. Right now I'm a bit on the heavy side (5'7, 235 lb) and as we all know, unless dude is a chubby chaser, there's virtually no chance of being asked out IRL because they all want the 5'4, 98 lb 22 year olds with D's. Hey I may have a bit of a spare tire up front but it's hard to beat GG's! XD

Haha I have the appearance of one who's already married with kids already, I guess...

I come in here thinking Tumi, or maybe Oakley as those both show status/wealth, and an aggressive side.

In my book, no. It's definately not baggage. It's like being a virgin. Easily remedied through one action (or relationship). In addition, even those people in relationships typically have problems dealing with different types of people (e.g. AS/NT relationships).

So even if you have limited experience in relationships, don't let that hold you back. It's a rare time in life (until you get old) where you realize you don't know everything and there's a potential risk with your choices.

Enjoy the ride

Or get into a relationship just to err, 'date', and get it out of your system.

You need to define what "baggage" is. Being in a bunch of relationships is usually not a problem by itself. If anything, experience is a good thing.

However, here are some examples of a baggage that is a real problem:
- a single mother with 3 kids from 3 different dudes with 3 different sets of in-laws
- a divorced guy who got azz-raped in divorce court, has to pay an arm/leg for child support, alimony and can't stand the idea of a relationship as a result
- someone with herpes, or, better yet, HIV
- someone with a psycho ex...

There are other examples, but what's in common is that a baggage is something from previous relationships that negatively affects the current one.

Lack of any relationships doesn't automatically make you desirable. Any success at anything requires practice. I'd say you need to go through at least 10 serious relationships before you learn what type of person is compatible with you and what to do to not screw it up once you meet her/him.