Write off quiet ones that hesitate to communicate?

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I'm thinking that I'm incompatible with the more quiet ones. I'm not exactly quiet myself, and that might clash with a quiet one if they prefer, you know, quiet.

I've been told by a person who is 70% deaf that my voice still goes right through their head, and my parents and siblings say my voice is way too loud.

But besides simple quietness, and the likely incompatibility of someone as 'loud' and curious as myself to someone who is not very talkative, the issue of communication would be a definite barrier. The quiet ones do not talk much, certainly not about things that are important to know. Now I understand any initial hesitation to share personal info, but if it keeps up, it to me is basically a means of saying they don't want to open themselves in any way. Including for a relationship.

I consider communication to be essential, so I'd consider lack of willingness to communicate as either an indication of disinterest, or an outright dealbreaker.

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
--George Bernard Shaw

I'm one of those quiet ones. I don't mind communicating; generally, when something's on my mind, I say it. I just see no reason to talk when there's nothing important to say. A lot of the chatter that goes on in daily life really doesn't communicate anything at all. I also tend to think more slowly than others around me and sometimes need time to process what's going on to formulate my responses. If someone talks over me or interrupts, I can get overwhelmed and shut down pretty quickly.

^^Same here. If I lived alone I could happily go all day without talking. I find people's chatter irritating sometimes, they interrupt my interesting thoughts

I know someone who never stops talking. If she runs out of things to say she just starts over and says everything again. I haven't had much contact with her lately (she doesn't need me to do things for her) but she almost causes me physical pain. I cannot stand it. The only way I can deal is to put Uh Huh on automatic response and then of course she wants to know if I remember her telling me about this that and the other. My son will start moaning in frustration. I'm way more verbal than I used to be, but in general I would rather wait until I really had something to say. A non stop talker is a deal breaker for me.

Sometimes I prefer to communicate non verbally. As in just being next to someone I'm interested in and listening to them talk is very enjoyable for me. I get uncomfortable if I know the person I am with feels uncomfortable that I'm not talking, then it's just a tumbling effect of not wanting to talk more. I can tell when someone doesn't mind that I am quiet and I can tell when they do. My suggestion is if you really do not get along with quiet people to just let them be because they aren't going to talk just to please you, it makes them uncomfortable.

I've heard that there are "quiet" and "loud" aspies. Of course I think this division is false, though there are many of us at either extreme. I, like you (the OP) would probably qualify as a "loud" aspie. I often talk at great length and cannot modulate my voice. Most of my closest friends in the past have either been among the less popular kids or good, patient listeners who can actually tolerate my Polonius-style verbiage. But notably, not all.

I can understand your concerns and I do hesitate when a girl I like the look of turns out not to be much of a talker. That said, I don't think systematically "writing off" people who you think wouldn't be a good match for you is wise if, say, you find you can be friends with these people. If you can't even tolerate the company of quieter people, then you can safely rule them out, but I do not think this is an acceptable outlook. I've regretted writing off women I was attracted to for some odd/superficial reason, all it does is limit your opportunities.

My point was that if you feel you can be friends with them at all, don't write them off. It does you no good thinking "oh but I can't be with them because they're too quiet" or anything along those kinds of lines.

I will NEVER write off the quiet ones. Usually half the time they are the ones who aren't trouble and aren't drunk blondes. The one I met somehow I pissed off, and she's blocked me on Facebook since. FML.