Fate and circumstances vs. freewill.

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I'm starting to wonder how much of life in general is in our control and how much of it is us making decisions based on the circumstances (abilities as well as living situation) we've been given.

Moreover, I'm wondering if I should even be worried about dating for the time being. My family is likely moving in the next few years, most likely to a more populated area with better weather, and incidentally more opportunities for a social life and to meet women. By then I'll be in my late 20s, early 30s, and will be at an age where I can meet a mature woman looking for a game and drama free relationship and have a new sandbox so to speak to look.

Right now, I live in anywhere, USA, where if you don't have a social life already, there's little to no opportunity to meet new people, male or female, but especially quality women. My options are basically to go to local shopping malls and take the chance that some 20something will want to stop and make conversation, or to drive an hour to the city and meet a woman that lives nowhere near me or nowhere within even casual hook-up distance. On top of it, job prospects are low around here unless you want to work fast food or at a restaurant or have connections for a better job.

So I'm wondering if I should even care that I'm single...and just try to occasionally land a hookup or a temporary, short lasting girlfriend while waiting for the big move.

I mean, I thought about it. I spend hours thinking about meeting "the right one"...but now may not even be the right time or the right place. Doesn't mean I have an excuse to not try or look for Ms. Right Now, but it means perhaps I should wait until the new chapter of my life is written first to look for a new supporting character for the rest of the book?

Stop right there!

Your family will move when you are early thirty's and you will move with them?

I moved out of the family home at 20. I married at 24 and by the age of 30 I had my own home and two children.

Do you get the hint?

I'm sorry to report that I have learned over the years that no matter where I go or what I do, I bring me with me - the same old me making the same stupid mistakes, suffering the same social awkwardness. I even bring me to Second Life, if you can believe that - a world where I can be anything I want, and what do I become? Me. Again.

So - from my experience, I think that you might want to start living right now, wherever you are. One thing - when you do move, you can leave mistakes behind. There was a great drawing teacher who said, "The only way to learn to draw is to make ten thousand mistakes. You may begin." It takes a lot of courage but I think we might as well get on with it.

I think a good way to start might be volunteer work - animal shelters, churches, co-ops, causes, etc.

You do not need to wait for your family to move nor should you. If you think that moving somewhere else will improve your life, outlook, prospects etc. then just do it. You are an adult. You should not wait for your parents to do things for you that you can do yourself.

I'm unable to work, and will likely never have a full-time, regular job due to my Aspergers. No money...no ability to move out.

freewill is an illusion scientifically. However, if we believe in free will, we will be much better off.

I think it sounds more likely that you are hopeful about moving and meeting new people. By all means, be hopeful.

I went to a new school in middle school and was terrified, and could barely speak, but for some reason this group of crazy girls wanted to be my friends. We all ended up going to the same high school and I had friends for the first couple of years. It's different as an adult, but find a place that you can go to on a regular basis and be the new interesting face in the crowd.... Wait, this is advice I should be taking...

Ditto.

You're almost 30, and you still live with your parents?
Dont you think it's about time you move to where ever you want to be and do whatever you want to do? : /

Money talks. I know a lot of NTs that live at home due to the economy despite having a decent job. I live in the most expensive state in the US. Add in the fact that I'm incapable of ever working any kind of job no matter how minor due to lack of ability to handle simple instructions, focus, lack of skills in general, and easily stressed out by dealing with difficult people, and I'll likely be living at home as long as my parents are alive. And you know what? I don't even care. If I had a long term girlfriend, and she wanted to get a place, she'd have to accept that the most I could do for work is at home computer work that doesn't make a lot of money.

therange - I saw a few people jump you on living at home, ignore it. I have a bachelors degree, have a professional job, guess what - job security is teetering, enough to where getting locked into a lease would be a terrible idea, and if I ever want to have a mortgage for my own place than rent for the rest of my life I have to realize, even a month a way from thirty, that moving back in for a couple years to save up at least that much if not a buffer fund in case of unemployment - really, there's no one there to catch you if you fall and scraping financially just to maintain an 'age appropriate' facade usually means setting yourself back a good decade financially if luck doesn't pan out.

That said though, even before you move to a new area, do everything you can for yourself in terms of education, self-improvement, gaining knowledge, Clara's right in the sense that if you come to that situation with the same resources - things will be a little better but quite often not as significantly as you would have hoped. Taking college classes or at least aiming for your certifications will be a good move for meeting people, joining some kind of fitness or martial arts program, even just getting into some local athletic club would be a great start. Of course you know yourself better than anyone, take it at your own pace and do what you feel you have in you to give at a particular time.

Yes, you should care. You don't give up right now or ever as you'll regret any missed opportunities. Never assume the future is going to be better than today.



No. Don't dwell on your problem or think of pity parties. Waiting for the next chapter will more than likely have you procastinating indefinately.

Look at your current environment and living scenario as an opportunity to practice and learn. Understand you're going to make mistakes, fail but ultimately be better prepared later. Assuming you'll be better prepared later without changing yourself is an unrealistic expectation.