Changed my mind.

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I changed my mind about meeting up with that 48 year old. And I'm happy with my decision. It didn't involve too much thinking. I just remembered that I was dating a woman 10 times better looking than her who I didn't want to have sex with because I didn't have feelings for her. Why my Asperger obsession is "looking for a woman online to take the v-card" beats the hell out of me. My sex drive is low, I hardly ever feel the need to masturbate, and the only women I check out in person are those I would want to go out with.

Something needs to be done about it, though, and I'm not sure what? For those of you with obsessions, or everyday topics you can't let go of in your mind, I'm in that position with my free online dating sites.

The online fantasy includes the fantasy of virility.

You can be sexually curious about women (or, I'm assuming about other men's bodies if you're gay) even without a high sex drive, particularly if the only women's bodies you've seen are in porn or similar internet pictures.

I know because I am interested about women's bodies a lot more often than I'm actually what you would call "horny", as in feeling an urge to HAVE sex right then and there. That's a lot of the reason I find it so hard to get why women use the concept of pregnancy risk when trying to justify not being physically intimate AT ALL with guy friends.

So what needs to be "done" about it, in my opinion, is to get a woman who understands your situation and is willing to allow you to experience touching her body in an intimate way. It sounds like this older woman you turned down may have been perfect for that.

Biostructure, I've mentioned in other threads...that girl I was dating was very attractive with a nice body...and I explored her body and did everything with her but sex, and while it was good, I felt underwhelmed. I enjoyed the slow kissing/cuddling more than the fooling around.

I've also seen a lot of beautiful naked women at strip clubs with similar bodies and felt underwhelmed. Enjoyed the scenery but didn't feel the overwhelming need to explore them or f*** them. I think with most beautiful women, I'm just a voyeur who flat-out just likes to look.

However, I see girls on tv and in real life who I feel I'd like to talk to and am overwhelmed by (what I consider) their beauty. I would have sex with a woman like this, because I would be into it and not just going through the motions.

Oh, it sounded from what you said like you had met her on line and never actually seen her IRL, that this hookup you turned down was your first meeting.

So I blocked the dating site I was on...and instead spent time on myspace. Trading one evil for another. It's like I have this little devil inside me that insists on getting fornication online?

Ah yes, those little devils inside

Well I think there are two simple answers why I do this sh*t:

1.)Until I actually have sex with a woman, there's going to be a curiosity level.
2.)I'm lonely, and when you're lonely you do stupid things.

The problem about finding someone in person to date and have sex with is that I'm just not motivated at all in person. I get more motivated about women seeing them on tv or in pictures on the internet, not sure why. Could be that I'm used to being an outside viewer?

I'm a grown woman, but for some reason I felt like I shouldn't be reading this thread. However, since I read it anyway, I have some opinions. I'm wondering if you don't want to "defile" the women that you're dating because you respect them. For myself, the fantasy I have about a man is always better than the reality of him. Maybe you have that problem too, and the women online aren't *real* to you, and vice versa....?

"2.)I'm lonely, and when you're lonely you do stupid things. "

I disagree! I'm lonely and so far, i've kept my sanity in check, or at least in a way that doesn't hurt other people's integrity.

true. i think theres a lot of outside pressure on single people. being single too long is a sign of something wrong, you must be ugly, diseased or something if nobody wants you over years and years, and people obsess more and more about it.

All in the head. Or theirs.

Not sure about the not wanting to defile a woman that I like. Would have to be in the situation to have intercourse to find out for sure.

I think you're onto something about letting my sexual aggression out online, though. What bothers me is that I'm not even sure where this sexual aggression comes from, other than curiosity based on hearing about sex and seeing it in the media. I have no experience yet other than foreplay.

The problem is that I'm simply not motivated enough to find good opportunities to meet a woman that might be my type in person. I'm not nearly as shy as I used to be, but I'm just not motivated to ask around and find out what kind of places I might meet a quality woman around the area I live.

Being sexually aggressive is about as normal it can get for a man, in my opinion, so I'm not sure what you're so worried about.

I think the non-free dating sites are probably a good idea for you. Myspace sucks.

I was looking at the non-dating ones too (E Harmony, Match) and they suck too. It's just a bunch of women that seem desperate to get married to the first guy that sounds like their dream guy.

The unfortunate thing is if I want any kind of dating life, let alone meeting the right woman, it has to be done in person and will likely involve initial awkwardness talking to a complete stranger for the first time.

I'll be honest, while I would prefer the right woman, I realize how hard it is for even NTs to find the person of their dreams. I would settle for "Ms. Right Now" who looks good enough and I can talk to without arguing too much.