People talk too much

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Seems to me like people often make polite conversation or idle chit-chat, where they don't really have a specific interest in what's being said, they're just talking to talk. They're not really communicating they're just sayin' stuff.

The reason this is bad for me is I tend to only talk to people when I have a specific interest in hearing about them, but the way I act when I'm specifically interested in someone is the same way everyone acts towards everyone. I feel like I should add "no, really" to everything I say. As in, "How are you? No, really. How are you?" I don't have a way of proving I'm sincere NOW and that other people usually aren't.

There was once this girl from high school I emailed for a while, but while I would tell them things I thought they might be interested in or ask questions in my messages, they would most often reply with "Hi. I haven't heard for you in a while. How's it going? Bye." They would of course ignore the fact that the reason they haven't heard from me in a while is that they didn't reply to my last message. It's a lot of work to think of new things to say when it seems like they didn't even read the last stuff. Sometimes it was clear they either didn't read it or didn't really care, because the odd time they did have something to say, they might tell me something like it was new information, when I had already told it to them. I don't talk to them anymore.

More recently I saw someone on a dating site that I seemed to have a lot in common with, in interests and personality. I sent a message but they hadn't been on the site in over a month and it seemed they weren't coming back. In their profile on the dating site they linked to their profile on a music site (the thing we would have the least in common), so after a while I went to that site. She did read the message I sent on that site, and seemingly went back to read the message on the first site. She apparently left that site because she was getting too many messages. Bad for me, being just one of many. Seemed like it was going to be one of those "con-ver-say-shons" people are supposed to have, but she hasn't been back to that site now either. Probably because most of its features are now pay which she mentioned in her message. She did link me to her music videos on youtube which I had asked about, so I could message her there. There's little chance she'll forget about youtube with her hard work there, although she doesn't have to login to use the site. When going to the music there was the worry that one cannot "casually" track a person down for another site to this one, but that didn't seem to be a problem. Going to a third site there's no way to not read that as putting effort in to finding her. Also, I can't not reference the fact that I've followed her across three websites. I'm not sure how to get the point across that I am aiming to know her better and not just killing time. How do you casually state that you want to be this slightly less casual. I'm really not sure it can be done. Actually if probably can, but I don't know how. I'll probably ask my cousin since I already have once before about this. In her message she did write a good amount and did ask about something I had mentioned but again, because some people just make polite conversation she might not actually care at all and was just filling time and it was easilyforgotten like it seems to be.

And they ramble.

Right, well I guess no one has any thoughts on this.

No you're right. Just often times people belabor the point or have nothing to talk about so want to talk about inconsequential things.

If they're close, you can tell them bluntly you don't want to talk about such boring subjects. If you know people who have a tendency to act this way, avoid them if possible.

You can't change them, you can only change your situation in relationship to them.

That they do.

People talk about things they think are important. The weather, how their day at work went. How their week is going.

Read some of the threads here in this forum. You'll find ton's of threads about relationships in jeapordy and/or at risk. Oftentimes, there's TMI but to the person who is impacted - it's critical information.

Complex situations typically dictate complex discussion, but when the subsequent dicussion/response can be summarized in ~30 words, the OP can be viewed as "rambling" to other people.

So, not to pick on the OP here, but the subject & body could have remained: "Do people talk to much". Maybe it would have sparked a conversation about "who/what/when/why/where".

But the follow up details didn't leave much room for discussion.

I'm more concerned that since it's the norm most people dismiss most conversation as inconsequential, so in the rare occasion I talk to someone it's not taken seriously. But then, who the hell am I to expect people to listen more to me that others?


You're probably right, that would have make for a better discussion, but I was looking for practical ideas as it relates to a specific situation, which is hard to get if I don't mention the situation.

I think the people who really have something original and interesting to say... don't get out much.