Why do a lot of women do this...?

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As an AS female, I REALLY don't understand women. Not that I need to, because I'm straight, but I have to shake my head at the behavior of some women towards the men in their life, and the resulting opinions men have.

I've noticed this with my own mother mostly, but hear about it in other ways:

-women nagging the man to do housework. Or handy work. Or nagging them to get off the TV (or in some cases Computer/Video Game) and PAY ATTENTION to her.

-women getting upset over something a guy does that seems so freaking trivial I roll my eyes at it.

-women withholding intimacy because they're mad over said freaking trivial event

-women constantly wanting to text/call/monopolize the poor guy's time without a break for his own "me time".

-women criticizing what the man eats, his weight and what to do about it, how he chooses to spend his 'me time'.

-wanting to 'talk' and turning it into a big argument

-demanding the guy take her to see a chick flick that he clearly will not enjoy.

-criticizing or making fun of his hobby, or calling it a waste of time/money.

I don't understand it. I don't understand it AT ALL. Clearly these things irritate the man and cause strife in the relationship. WHY would she do it?! Especially the stuff about his hobbies (and I'm not talking about pr0nz here). I would NEVER do ANY of that to a guy...yet I'm single.

That's what I am wanting to know.

My last partner was exactly as you described on here.

Oh dear god...that sounds horrible. And yet what I described was a composite of several behaviors I've seen with different women. Ouch.

My only explanation is that women r crazy...and I must be one of the few sane ones.

Both partners need independent time to themselves.

She and I are still good friends, though.

Wow, I never thought I'd find a "nice girl". It always seems to be guys making these sort of complaints.

There's nothing wrong with having a few demand & expectations. Especially if you're making sacrifices of your own for him. In fact, I'd find it weird if a girl didn't. It would give me the uneasy feeling she is just clinging out of desperation. I don't want to have that kind of unconditional power over someone; it's just not right.

Again, I still can't get over this coming from a girl. All the material out there addressing this problem is for guys, but I assume the same techniques could be used the other way around too.

I agree with you OP, I don't understand that stuff either. but I see *all* of my female friends doing it to their husbands/boyfriends.

my theory is that when women don't to that the guys feel neglected I've never done any of these things and none of my relationships lasted because I "didn't care enough".

you just can't win

Many of the women I am talking about do NOT make sacrifices. they want everything their own way or the highway. Or they do, but bare minimum, and have a lopsided view so it's not /really/ fair.

I guess the real underlying question is, why do a lot of women seem so ruddy SELFISH?

let me add a point Shebakoby:

- if any guy complaints about those common things in women on this forum, he would be attacked by all women around here like piranha fish do to their victims, but if a woman complaints about those things in women, all other women here do agree with her. *sigh*

its nt behaviour. they love that s**t.,
as anna says, if you dONT do it, then its wrong cus your supposed to nag and complain and rip on his hobbies.

it makes guys happy to have their hobbies ripped by their gf. NT guys that is. whom i dont understand.

I suppose because nobody's perfect, although I haven't known any women to do everything or even most of the things on the list, many women will do at least one or two at some point.

Have I ever done anything on that list with my husband? Of course! To be specific, I dragged him to things he would never have wanted to go to if he wasn't dating me (this was back when we were dating). He saw movies he didn't like and visited museums that bored him to tears. He took me to those things at my request because I wanted to do them and he wanted to spend time with me (not for nothing are chick flicks also called "date movies").

But it works both ways. I saw movies about sports that were as boring to me as chick flicks were to him. I also accompanied him to sporting events I wasn't interested in and car museums and car shows.

If it's just a one-way street it's hassling and aggravating. But if it's a two-way street, it shows that each of you will make accomodations for the other. Somebody who insists on only ever doing his/her thing and not being willing to do the other person's thing too isn't a good partner, IMO. It has to go both ways.

Some of those things are just mean- like belittling a hobby or interest. But the nagging a man to do chores or handy things- if you scratch the surface on that you will often find a woman who works full time and comes home to ALL the housework because her husband/boyfriend "doesn't like housework". I have luckily avoided that particular battle because early in our relationship my husband and I divied up areas of expertise so there are some things he always does and some things I always do and some things we both do. But if I did everything and he did nothing? Yeah. There would be a fight. And I'd be one of those women that baffle you with wondering why anyone would nag a man to do something.

I think they just love attention, no matter what kind of attention it is.

I've been put through the texting gauntlet, man it was crazy. I've never had the other stuff done to me, but if it wasn't a 50/50 compramise AND she was giving me hell, I'd think of an exit strategy.

Most girls do like the idea of being able to 'tame' their guys.

I was arguing with 2 girls at work once who were complaining about their guys, I was replying that the most common mistake they do is believing that they can change the guy's personality, they cannot.

Both them were so repulsive by that comment, insisting that they can change the guy's personality , one of them literally said later "yes, maybe we can't change the guy but we can change his whole lifestyle and way of life, so it's like changing him completely" , the other said to me "nooo, a guy's personality can be changed by the girl, it's a give and take".

Yea,that's the common sense...

Wow, I'm offended, because that is a sweeping generalization and a stereotype. Enjoy your NT bashing, though--I hope it makes you feel better about whatever's making you do it.

Moving on.

No, OP; not all women have the behaviors you listed. Actually, very few of my friends exhibit those behaviors. As I'm typing this, I see Janissy's response and whole-heartedly agree with it. Plus, many of the things you listed are usually symptoms of bigger problems within a relationship. For instance, a woman that constantly texts or calls may not trust her partner (which could be because of a variety of reasons). I'm not excusing the behaviors, but just saying that something bigger may be going on than the negative interactions between your mother and the other person.

I agree that you cannot change someone's personality with the intent of making it something you'd find desirable. I would argue, however, that it is possible to persuade someone to change their behaviors. I don't mean it in a "taming" sense, but for instance... Let's say my SO is always passing foul gas in public. I can ask that he cease his behavior in public, because it's embarrassing for me.

I did want to clarify that we actually do change each other daily... Every interaction you have changes "you," no matter how short or insignificant it may be. Why? Because you've gained new knowledge/experience/information that you did not have before. I feel that we are all in flux.

Let's see, it is very unfair to have to do all the housework and your man just sits back and does no housework. I think it's wrong to have your partner do everything and you never help out. That's the only thing I understand. It reminds me of Jeff and he bitched about having to pick up after himself and I had to make him because he wouldn't do it unless I nagged him. I am not his mother and I don't need to live in a pig sty picking up after someone and then he depends on me to clean up after him. At least my husband is better. I did tell him when we first met I don't like slobs and talked about my first ex and how bad he was. When he leaves stuff out, I just leave it there and wait for him to do it and if he never does, then I tell him.

Second thing; if a man is always watching TV or always on the computer or playing video games and he never ever spends time with her because he is always sucked into his interests, she feels unloved and an object and she isn't as important to the guy. Then they complain about not being home to do those things when they are out of the house doing things and the man is like "When are we going to be home?" "When will we leave?" My god my ex did this s**t to me when we had to go to the vet for my dog and we had to sit and wait and my ex was acting all impatient and getting anxiety because he wasn't home with his computer game when he can play it any day and the game isn't going anywhere I think that was one of his games he was pulling and that was one of the reason why I dumped him. At least my husband doesn't get all anxious and get impatient when we are out of the house doing things because he knows his computers games aren't going anywhere nor his TV shows that are on TIVO and he can do them any time. In fact when he was in the doctor's office with me for my miscarriage, he didn't even go "When are we leaving?" "When will the doctor be here?" and didn't even go he wants to be home with his games as if I am not that important to him like I wasn't important to my ex about my dog when he was at the vet clinic with me. Of course I don't make him come to my appointments. I leave it up to him because I understand how he has difficulty sleeping due to his bad feet and when I have appointments early in the afternoons or mornings, it's going to be too early for him to get up and be tired on his job and it be harder for him. Plus he can't afford to miss work but today he chose to get today off to be at the appointment with me for my procedure.

The other things I don't know about because I have never been there to know the situations. I only knew the first one because I had a man who was a jerk and didn't want to pick up after himself and who used me as a sex object so that was why he was on his game almost 24/7 after I told him I didn't want sex until it got cooled down outside. I am hypersensitive to heat and sticky skin and I explained it to him but he went "That's part of life, you deal with it." The whole time he had been with me was because he was waiting for sex and when he found out he wouldn't get anymore of it for a while, bam to the computer, no point in being with me and when i kick him off so I can use the internet, he grow impatient with me and get anxious to get back on when he could be watching Stargate or draw or play his video games so I knew the first one very well for that situation on why women have problems with me not doing housework or not spending any time with them.


I guess you have to be in those situations to understand and know the situation without having to be informed and be fed more information about it to understand.