I like this girl...

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I wondered if you guys could offer some insight into some recent experiences of mine, I'd really appreciate it!


I recently started studying history at university where I met new people. More specifically a girl I took great pains to get to know. (I've never had a girlfriend before and I used to blame autism but I realized I just wasn't putting in the effort so now I'm really trying)
These past two weeks I've been talking to her on a daily basis, ranging from random chit-chat to more serious topics. Anyway, I really like her since she's not only very sympathetic and open and doesn't bother with what other people wear (and coming from a high school notorious for such people I find this strange in a girl) but she's also attractive. A rare find indeed and I have very much fallen in love with her.

So I've had some long and funny conversations with her, played random games and stuff to keep us entertained during class. And when she laughs she doesn't shy away from touching me/resting on me/hitting me, she also pulls loose hairs from my hair (like randomly without me even seeing it coming) and she has invited me over to her place once already. Now I asked her out this weekend, which she by the way accepted after quite a long conversation over facebook. (she explicitly mentioned she'd never used facebook as much as until she met me)

question number 1) I'm not naive, I know all this doesn't necessarily mean she's in love with me too. In fact a lot of people feel alone during their first days at uni and just want to get to know people. But since I'm in love with her I wanted to hear what you guys think. Am I getting my hopes up or could this actually be something? (and before you answer that read the text below first)


Thing is however, there's another dude, who btw already has a girlfriend and has a lot more experience with women than me, who's trying to get in her pants. I know this because I know this loser and from his remarks it's clear all he wants from her is sex, obviously she doesn't know, or at least I think so.
Naturally this not only pisses me off but also confuses the hell out of me. Because we all know each other and it's become evident that she also invited him over this weekend (I guess she interpreted it less than a date and more something like a 'get to know each other sorta thing')

My biggest fear at the moment is that she doesn't feel the way I do and that she just wants to get to know people. Not only that but if she knew how I felt, she'd be afraid to tell me and hurt me (yes she's just that sweet)

Question number 2) what, oh what to do about the competition? how to act/not to act, etc... ?


Thanks!

Well, i'm glad you have a crush on her and that might be defined in love in some sense (hormonally).

But you're not really in love with her. Love is accepting everything about a person, including their faults. You don't even know hers. Heck, you're barely starting to get to know her. She's putting on her best face which is something people even do when they aren't smitten with someone. I'm not being cynical here, but you have several of your own wants, needs and desires. Ask yourself what happens if those conflict.

I'm saying this so when you do come across her faults, your infatuation and realization that she's human and not perfect doesn't drive you away. I'm not saying I don't understand your feeling here, because I have and have learned from it several times.


You're not getting your hopes up--There is possibly potential here, but thats what it is. If you guys all know each other, she knows that this dude has a gf anyway. I'm interested to know if she invited anyone else other than the two of you. I'm also interested to know if she said anything to you on this "date".

Don't worry about this guy too much, I mean if you guys get a chance to casually talk you can tell her what he said. But i'd be more worried about making sure she knows how you feel rather than his intentions.

Rejection is painful, not knowing is worse. You've set the stakes high in her favor, you need to balance it out a little and realize you're an individual worth getting to know as well.

That's quite an insightful comment, I'll be honest that I hadn't really expected a comment like this. As far as the love thing goes, despite her physical attractiveness, I find her very interesting actually and I enjoy talking to her. Whether or not I love her or am simply in love with her remains to be seen. Only time will tell, I think.

I do realize that the stakes are in her favor, yet I do try to do my best to act interested but not too interested. Something I find hard since this would be the first time I've actually actively tried to engage a girl. A difficult task for most autistic people i believe. At any rate, the 'date' thing on Monday was cancelled since she had too much work -.- Instead I helped her with her schoolwork three days in a row, two of those days at her apartment. (after she invited me to btw) We talked a lot and there was a good mix between laughter and serious topics, I think.

I have reason to believe she's now further interested in me. Luckily I've built up a lot more self-esteem the past year before I got to know her. A factor that really comes into play, especially when flirting. I do realize a relationship, or the beginning of one is two way traffic.
And on a last side note, she told me she only liked the other guy as a 'friend' because he always brags about cheating on his girlfriend and other random stuff. She's only ever had two long-term relationships and apparently values a good boyfriend. She told him this while they were standing in front of me. So that sorta made me happy

I guess I'll have to wait and see how this develops, though thx for the comment!

I don't think you're in love with her. You're interested, infatuated, crushing but not "in love". That takes time and the feelings should be mutual before it even goes that far.



He's a jerk and shopping around. There are *always* going to be guys like that. So what do you do if two or more of you are interested in a girl?

Learn to compete. Stress your strengths and his weaknesses. You can wimp out an walk away thinking "he has more experience" or you can man up and fight for what you believe in.

That sounds promising. At least she has what it takes to see through his crap.

As far as competing with other guys goes, play it cool and don't get into any arguments, fights, or bad mouth them though. This will only make you look bad.