A few things I have noticed on this sub-forum

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For a start I think the majority of people on here have their standards set way too high. Seriously what makes people on here make people think that someday some magic person is gonna come and tick every single box that meets relationship criteria and hand everything to them on a plate. Nobody is perfect and it's also very hypocritical of most people on here expecting to meet someone who will have no faults or differences of their own.

Also going for someone who appears to tick all boxes will come back to haunt you at some point later on anyway.

Secondly I think some people on here seriously need to grow a backbone or climb off their high horses and by this I mean two things, 1. people who always use AS as an excuse for not dealing with a situation and 2. those who when replying to other members on here seeking advice, only reply with the 'advice' that the original poster wants to hear. It's pathetic and can be seen straight through.

Im sure Im probably gonna get slated and a ticking off from the moderaters for this but it's my honest opinion.

Last edited by Daemonic-Jackal on 03 Nov 2009, 8:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

I see no personal attacks in your comments. I see an opinion fairly expressed.

For all the problems my undiagnosed (and unknown) AS has caused me over the years, I have come to cherish the fact I never had something on which to blame my issues and keep me from trying anything. I have the self given title of "Free Range Aspie" on my profile because I did what I wanted to, when I wanted to do it, given the opportunities and options I found myself in at the time. I wouldn't change that for all the 'therapy' and disability payments in the world.

but this is just my opinion and worth every penny it cost you to read it!

I can't argue with a thing Daemonic-Jackal said.

I don't think that not having a diagnosis, or even knowledge of AS, has ever stopped people blaming their issues on something or other. I have at various times in the past blamed men, my parents, food, and "the establishment" for my own problems. What finding out ( two and a half years ago ) about AS did, like finding out about the connection between diet and mental health, was explain things, which nothing previously ( parents, men, food, or the establishment ) had managed to explain.

If you have parents ... you will have had something to blame. If you're a woman, black, poor/working class, short, fat, spotty, the youngest child, brought up in the city, brought up in the countryside, whatever, if you want/"need" to blame something you can, and probably will. Try taking away everything that a person could blame for their issues! ... So if you didn't blame anything at all for your issues that probably had more to do with your not using that tactic/defence generally than because you didn't have AS to blame.

I think that if there is a problem with the AS diagnosis in childhood it is that, like "being a girl" used to, it may encourage people around you, society generally, and even yourself, to "self-limit", but then being told that you are lazy, selfish, inconsiderate, untrustworthy, contrary, immature, etc ( and believing it to some extent because otherwise "why is it that I can't seem to do/be this or that?" ) probably doesn't do much for one's ability to go out genuinely confidently, clear-sightedly, solidly into the world either.

If increasing AS-diagnosis, ( AS-consciousness raising generally ), encourages society to offer autism-spectrum-needs-based help to people, from early on, I think that is good. I obviously don't know what difference it would have made to me, but it is possible that with support and understanding of AS issues at college, and then university, I might have been able to find and follow some sort of career, and avoid the abortion, alcoholic excesses, financial disasters, and breakdown in my mid-late twenties, which have left a very long shadow. I am 46 and still jobless, unqualified for anything.

PS. What do free-range farmers do about pecking-order, ( the social structure which means that the strongest hens get to eat the biggest worms ), and the hens who have a hard time dealing with the competition for finding/claiming food? ( genuine question actually, now that I've thought of it ).

.

While this is a good point, and I agree with what you have said in your post, shortening your list is no guarantee of a girlfriend either. I came to this realization that I had my standards set way too high in the summer before college. Since that point, I reduced my "list" to only one requirement: that she likes me back. But even that one item could not be fulfilled by anyone for four years after that point, until a couple weeks ago when i got my new girlfriend...

^^Seconded.

I'm sure they'll probably toss the worms (or chicken feed, actually) in the direction of the lower-ranking hens, to enable them to grab it quickly, before the higher-ranking hens can stop them. Or as an alternative, they can dump huge amount of chicken feed into the pens, so there'll be so much food that the hens won't need to worry the order and let everyone eat at the same time. Then again, in modern-day farms, chickens spend their whole lives sitting in individual battery cages, and the food is put into small troughs in front of them; in that case, there is no pecking order, since there's only one chicken eating from the trough.

yes! that annoys me too. back-patting just like in the real world

Sounds like communism. Oh-oh.

I definately agree with:

That and the attitude I've seen that everyone who is NT must be evil and therefore is trying to constantly manipulate us both get on my nerves slightly.

I mean ok, we're people who have been assigned a label because we find certain things more challenging than the majority of the population do. To be honest people who are dyslexic find it harder to read but they still have to deal with it and find ways to cope and adjust.
I'm not saying that I think people who are perfectly happy as they are should change and try to be more normal. If you're happy with your life that's fantastic. What's less fantastic is when people are miserable but don't try to change anything. I know in a lot of ways I was lucky. I found out when I was 14 and since then I've read so many books that I can now generally relax in situations. Yes things are sometimes hard, yes I sometimes freak out and run away from really stressful situations but I also make myself turn around and go right back when I've calmed down. Aim for the stars and even if you don't get there you might still catch the moon.

Hey you don't exactly have one item on your list... you have like eight or nine...

TOADIE! Congratulations! what a lucky gal! what a lucky guy!

Take it to the thread dedicated to that purpose: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt110630.html

I agree that it's silly for people to want someone perfect, although it isn't hypocritical, in the literal sense of the word, to do so. However, the impression I have of people here is not so much that they want someone perfect, but that they want someone who a) they can relate to and b) who fits the sort of criteria people ordinarily use when searching for a mate. The first part rules out a very great number of people - it's not uncommon to see people here saying "I didn't know there was anyone like myself in the world until now" - so there's a much smaller pool of people to apply the second part to. I don't think people here are any more picky than people elsewhere - it's just that there's less people "out there" in the first place to choose among.

I find the singles list kinda heartbreaking, seeing all the nice people living far away.

I'm reminded of a woman on a dating site who felt she was a one-in-a-million and deserved the same. I pointed out that in the SF Bay area, that meant there were three guys available to her. One married with a harem, one unmarried with a harem, one gay with a harem. A few weeks later she wrote back saying she had found Mr. Perfect. Two months after that, I was surprised that she wrote again admitting that Mr. Perfect was perfect for his wife and three girlfriends.

While most people do this to avoid hurting or offending someone, it sure doesn't help the person out any. If someone is looking for advice, they need to hear the truth, or at least an honest opinion. They may not like you for it now, but they will probably thank you for it later.