A question to you guys about timing phone calls

Page 1 of 1 [ 16 posts ] 

smudge
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Sep 2006
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,716
Location: Moved on

12 Nov 2009, 5:33 pm

Of course, girls can answer too. I read in this book "Why Men Love b*****s" (it's great BTW, it's funny and informative) that men take ages to call a woman back, *to see how the woman will respond.*

So...is this true? I thought it was that they didn't care...but it doesn't make sense when a guy really likes you and delays stuff like this. But, this new explanation makes sense to me.



curtis122
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 4 Nov 2009
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 138

12 Nov 2009, 5:36 pm

Its not like that with me I call women quite promptly. Now im in a relationship i call my girl friend everyday.



Lene
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2007
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,452
Location: East China Sea

12 Nov 2009, 5:45 pm

Girl here, sorry!

It's an interesting theory. My ex bf certainly took his time responding to texts or calls (if at all) and never turned up on time, despite me telling him that it was important to me. I eventually decided that he was pushing my limit and trying to see what he could get away with. For the most part, I didn't say anything, but eventually I had enough and it was probably the last straw that ended our relationship (amongst a few other things).

My current bf calls when he says he will and if I miss-call him, he usually rings back soon after. It really means a lot to me that he does this; I feel it shows that he has enough respect not to play games with me, and as a result I trust and respect him.



SpongeBobRocksMao
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Oct 2008
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,774
Location: SpongeBob's Pineapple (England really!)

12 Nov 2009, 5:48 pm

I have never actually been in a relationship myself, but if I was, that would be something I would never think of doing. The way I see it, it's probably not true. However, although I wouldn't do it doesn't mean that most guys wouldn't, so at the same time I'm also kinda not sure. :?


_________________
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
SpongeBobRocksMao!
Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!
SpongeBobRocksMao!


smudge
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Sep 2006
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,716
Location: Moved on

12 Nov 2009, 5:56 pm

Lene wrote:
Girl here, sorry!


No problem at all!

Lene wrote:
It's an interesting theory. My ex bf certainly took his time responding to texts or calls (if at all) and never turned up on time, despite me telling him that it was important to me. I eventually decided that he was pushing my limit and trying to see what he could get away with. For the most part, I didn't say anything, but eventually I had enough and it was probably the last straw that ended our relationship (amongst a few other things).

My current bf calls when he says he will and if I miss-call him, he usually rings back soon after. It really means a lot to me that he does this; I feel it shows that he has enough respect not to play games with me, and as a result I trust and respect him.


I hate it too when people stand me up. It's downright rudeness. I don't blame you for getting rid of him. Even if a guy was lovely in other ways, I wouldn't put up with that kind of thing - I hate being ignored or only spoken to when it's convenient for the other person.

It sounds like you've found a very decent guy. I find even 'nice guys' do this thing of delaying/missing out phone calls. Maybe I've just had bad experiences of 'nice guys'.



Grisha
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2009
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,336
Location: LA-ish

12 Nov 2009, 6:11 pm

I've got to admit that I've played this game before based on advice I've been given (it never would have occurred to me otherwise) - people would swear to me that appearing over-eager will destroy your chances.

This was a running theme throughout the movie "Swingers" many years ago, very funny.

But I thought the "rule" only applied to the first phone call after a girl gives you her number, anything after that would be rude.



david_42
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 18 Oct 2009
Age: 74
Gender: Male
Posts: 216
Location: PNW, USA

12 Nov 2009, 6:56 pm

I call back promptly if her message indicates it's time-critical. Otherwise, it might take up to 24 hours.



zeichner
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 10 Sep 2008
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 689
Location: Red Wing, MN

12 Nov 2009, 6:58 pm

smudge wrote:
Of course, girls can answer too. I read in this book "Why Men Love b*****s" (it's great BTW, it's funny and informative) that men take ages to call a woman back, *to see how the woman will respond.*

So...is this true? I thought it was that they didn't care...but it doesn't make sense when a guy really likes you and delays stuff like this. But, this new explanation makes sense to me.

I've never understood that kind of scheming that people apparently do in relationships. I like things to be straightforward, without all the games & tests. If I say I'm going to call, I call (at the exact time I said.)

Of course, that's where it all seems to break down - as I haven't had a relationship since I was in college (many years ago.) Do women really like to be tested like that - since it apparently works? (And the real question, could I force myself to play those kinds of relationship games?)


_________________
"I am likely to miss the main event, if I stop to cry & complain again.
So I will keep a deliberate pace - Let the damn breeze dry my face."
- Fiona Apple - "Better Version of Me"


12 Nov 2009, 10:43 pm

Men love b*****s, women love jerks, wow.


I had an ex who had the desire to be tied up by a woman and shoved against the wall. He said he might love me more if I started shoving him. I thought it was weird. He might have had some BSDM in him for the desires to be tied up. He had an ex girlfriend he loved and she turned him on by shoving him and stuff, she had some condition. I think borderline personality it was. But if I tried hitting him, he would just grab my hands. He would never hit a woman he said.



jawbrodt
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jan 2008
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,766
Location: Eastern USA

13 Nov 2009, 4:20 am

Anxiety, insecurity, and 'fear of rejection'.


_________________
Those who speak, don't know.

Those who know, don't speak.


smudge
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Sep 2006
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,716
Location: Moved on

13 Nov 2009, 7:00 am

zeichner wrote:
Do women really like to be tested like that - since it apparently works? (And the real question, could I force myself to play those kinds of relationship games?)


Unfortunately yes, I always want what I can't have. The only thing is, I think too much of it is a bit mean...and as Grisha said...rude. If anyone does it to me too much, I just don't bother with them anymore. I think the saying is very true...that the one for you is interested in you back...therefore is willing to make the effort. If a guy though makes it out to me that I can call him any time, then I just lose interest.

Jawbrodt: Do you even call the girl at all?



smudge
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Sep 2006
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,716
Location: Moved on

13 Nov 2009, 7:10 am

Grisha wrote:
I've got to admit that I've played this game before based on advice I've been given (it never would have occurred to me otherwise) - people would swear to me that appearing over-eager will destroy your chances.

This was a running theme throughout the movie "Swingers" many years ago, very funny.

But I thought the "rule" only applied to the first phone call after a girl gives you her number, anything after that would be rude.


Sounds interesting...I'm going to buy it used off Amazon for £1.40! Don't you just love being able to buy DVDs so cheaply these days?



0_equals_true
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2007
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,038
Location: London

13 Nov 2009, 7:18 am

I don't call people or respond to people correspondence if I'm not in the right frame of mind. I do make a special effort some of the time to be reciprocal. However I don't feel I have to respond immediately, and if they have a high frequency of chatting through an indirect means I probably stop talking to them. There has to be a degree of genuine independence, I don't really understand people who just live for each other and nothing else.

My sister is someone who rings for no reason other than to kill time whilst she is making her way home from work. I tolerate it but I wouldn’t with anyone else. I don’t really like idle talk.



SoulcakeDuck
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Mar 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,842
Location: a bubble called Cognitive Entropy

13 Nov 2009, 7:35 am

It's an NT thing and it's called the 3 Day Rule, they wait 3 days before calling the girl because they are imbeciles and like to see how the girl will react and respond to the wait. And they don't tend to follow their hearts they discuss matters with their friends and make it into a vote and dumb things like that.

For Aspies it's more of an nervous thing and can be anxious because they don't really know what to say... + I don't know if I'm speaking for only a few but telephones are crap and I for one hate talking to a girl i like over the phone, because i can never figure out when it's my turn to speak or what to say on a phone. A meeting in real life is in that case way better or sending emails.



0_equals_true
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2007
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,038
Location: London

13 Nov 2009, 7:47 am

I thought the 3 day rule, or n-day rule is not to come across too desperate.

I think the way to go is skip that vague crap and make a suggestion of doing something informal.



SoulcakeDuck
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Mar 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,842
Location: a bubble called Cognitive Entropy

13 Nov 2009, 7:56 am

0_equals_true wrote:
I thought the 3 day rule, or n-day rule is not to come across too desperate.

I think the way to go is skip that vague crap and make a suggestion of doing something informal.


Oh jeah I left that out, they don't want to seem to desperate, right you are.