Feel like its too late for me

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I'm finishing college and kind of feel like its too late for me. I was a shy quiet kid all through elementary school, but I moved in 6th grade and had a chance to reinvent myself as a wild class clown. I had quite a few attractive popular girls literally chasing me, but nothing serious came of it. I had the good luck to read Don Juan Bible in 2005, before PUA became public, and I could have used it to my advantage. But I figured I was already doing cock comedy, by being funny and hard to get. And I was under the illusion that all I had to do is keep working out, and if I reached a certain level of fitness I would win a girlfriend like a trophy.

Anyway after missing the dating scene all through high school and college, where it supposed to be so easy for anyone to have a harem, unless you're a complete loser omega, I kind of feel hopeless. I made a few PUA attempts in college and did some winging, and nothing worked. It seems as I get older my social opportunities will get even narrower since I wont have the same easy networks with females that school provides, and the workplace will provide far fewer social contacts.

Plus I feel like I missed out on a lot of the excitement of a boy having his first girl, that comes in the boyhood/ teen years, that feels meaningless and pathetic to a guy in his mid-20s.

Dude you are what 22? Lighten up. You are a kid ffs.

I'm 35 and I feel like there's so much youth still ahead...

How exactly is that supposed to work, numbers-wise?

Yeah, if there's anything that maury talkshow has taught us is that teenage relationship are definitely awesome. Who could go wrong with teenage pregnancies and the like??

I do think that some experiences do suck to miss out on. I didn't go to prom my senior year, I think the only thing we can do is suck it up and make the best out of the experiences we're open to now.

Well I suppose the plus-side for some stunted people who miss out on their childhood/teen years is that they over-compensate by developing childish personalities and chasing after their lost years for the rest of their lives. For most people adolescence is just a period you grow out of, for a few it is a way of life. So instead of enjoying 20 years of boyhood, it is still open to 50 years.

So they chased you and you what...expended all your energy outrunning them?? It's hard to feel bad for a guy "missing out" on a highschool relationship when he had chance after chance and just didn't want to.

I know how ya feel. I am 22 and have never had a relationship. I had many different girls that liked and disliked me in HS and couple of years I went to community college. I have barely uttered much of a word to them. Its not like I didn't want to do so. Its just so hard to do so. You will learn at some point about relationships. Its a learning process. Takes awhile, but eventually someone will click.

The transaction from college to the work world is major. College, your classmates and your social groups are much the same thing. Most places, you don't socialize much your co-workers. In fact, it is frequently actively discouraged. In 30+ years in the workplace, I never dated a co-worker. Then again, being in IT there aren't many women anyway.

Tough as it can be, you'll have to track down some clubs and social organizations. Clubs that have outside activities, hiking, biking (not bike racing, though) and volunteer groups are good.

When I was 11 there was a girl who had a major crush on me - she wrote me little love letters too. There was absolutely NO WAY we would have been compatible. Not even if she was the last girl on Earth. In fact, it was hard to be friends with her anyway. You're saying I should have dated her just because the opportunity presented itself? That's just ludicrous.

Last edited by CrinklyCrustacean on 03 Nov 2009, 6:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

22 is not too late.

26 and being female on the otherhand is...

Did I say that? No I did not. But he didn't say he was chased by one little girl who he was incompatible with. He claimed that he had many attractive, popular girls literally chasing him. If he has many attractive, popular girls literally chasing him, then he wasn't unable to have a dating life in highschool, he just didn't want one.

Just because they are attractive and popular, doesn't make them compatible with him.

EDIT: Oh I see. What you mean is that he could have chosen to date them anyway even though he had no interest in them. Well...wouldn't that have been 'leading them on'?

Har har. I find the most attractive women in the 26 to 32 range right now. That's a 5-10 range. When I was younger, it was the 3-7 range. So "too late" is a matter of perspective. If you're after some young teen hottie, yes. Women do have a "best by date", but its entirely up to both parties to define what that date is.

Back to the OP. 22 is really really young for anyone here (wrongplanet.net) to bemoan the lack of serious relationships. Check the other posters and you'll see people in their 30's having problems securing serious relationships.

Have you missed your opportunity? No. It was the wrong season. You're not going to fit into that crowds social gatherings. You may try and gain experience, but rest assured, it's not for you.

You grow into your own much later. The more and longer you remain bitter, the longer it'll take you to grow.

50% of marriages end in divorce. You are not going to be the same person you are now in 10 years. You do not want to get into a serious relationship right now because it will end or entirely consume you when it does.

Recognize you're envious at the ease others enter (and depart only to re-enter) relationships. Just think you're in it for the long term.

Plenty of opportunities later. Just prepare yourself.

There you go again Janissy...

Here are some reasons:
1) He may not have found them attractive.
2) Not everyone develops at the same rate, and often boys have girls interested in them before they develop an interest in girls.
3) Good luck early on, e.g. due to reason 2, has a way of making one naive, thinking that he will always have girls chasing after him, and therefore in no hurry to start.

It seems the OP's situation is mainly the first. I am in very much the same situation, due to a combination of 2) and 3), plus a period of chronic physical illness that took away nearly any energy I would otherwise have devoted to that area of my life.



I know exactly how you feel. But, I think it will still be exciting, provided my first girl doesn't expect me to grow up too fast and expect the relationship to be all adult from the beginning. I'm hoping I can still have a "teenage relationship" in my 20s, and while at first I may feel like a loser for doing it so late, I think this will go away very quickly once I'm swept up in the excitement. Unless, as I said, she is developmentally way ahead and cannot find joy in the "first steps" kind of things.

Exactly what we DON'T need to hear...

No, because the OP explicitly states that the girls were attractive.





I disagree, I suspect it's #2 (specifically that people don't develop at the same rate, resulting in not being able to handle a relationship) that is a big reason why no relationships have flourished using this method. Attracting the attention of girls is very different from being able to develop some semblance of a romantic relationship with one, and while the OP could attract girls, it doesn't look like he was able to develop anything further from that. #3, while I think is likely to be true in enamdar's case, is only made apparent in retrospect. When you're young you don't realize that things won't always be so easy. At any rate, I don't see #3 as being a fundamental reason for relationship difficulties; instead I think it exacerbates #2 out of a feeling that he wouldn't feel any need to rectify #2.

To the OP: biostructure's reason #2 is a big sticking point, and I would work on that before anything else. I am still very much aware of your other post about "getting large quantities of 'low-quality' girls"... so you seem to be still focusing on quantity over quality. That's your problem right from the get-go, even when you were young. It looks like you're still longing for what you had in your past... when in the end that really wasn't working out so great either. Time to seek a more mature and longer-lasting solution, I think.