Intelligence = poor dating/relationship life?

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-alex-b ... 69939.html

The above link directs you to an article written by Dr. Alex Benzer. I have found that it mostly applies to me, and people similar to me. I am very socially awkward, and I am poor at making small talk with people. I have met girls who I liked but I was too shy and awkward to talk to them and get to know more about them. I have met this one girl in particular a couple of years ago. She works at my school's library, so I'd see her there every day I went to check out books. Well, last March I finally worked up enough courage to ask her out for coffee, and she accepted. We've been talking to each other since then and she even invited me to her apartment last month. So I finally told her how I feel about her, and she told me that she would like to get to know me better, and that she isn't ready for a relationship (yet). However, I am still very clueless about the whole dating and relationship stuff, and I am using my only viable means of obtaining advice: the internet.

I am taking note of the advice Dr. Benzer offers in the article, and I'm wondering if anyone else can offer more advice.


A large quantity of gratitude,

Jeffrey

I think you should pay lots of compliments and tell her exactly what you like about her, all people like that,

other than that, these posts are for me the most important in flirting and romantic small talk.

link one


link two

As with any dating advice, that given by the author you mention seems to be a mixed bag of good and bad. He does have some really good stuff in the good parts though:

I would say the author is still clueless. Being intelligent seriously reduces the number of people that can function at the same level you do. That's the main limit on dating. As a friend put it, "Below a certain intelligence level, it's bestiality."

Hmm, that is definitely a point worth considering. And it's worth giving some thought to the type of intelligence.

For example, have you ever seen a really good secretary in action? The best ones rarely have genius-level IQs, but they're a good example of how intellect is only one fairly narrow type of intelligence. The really good secretaries operate at a level of genius few people could ever achieve, but in a different area of intelligence.

I've seen time-and-motion geniuses with superhuman-seeming capabilities in factory work -- women whose manual dexterity and sensitivity concert pianists would give up limbs for, and one man who never seemed to do much of anything except lean against anything handy, but when he went on vacation it took three other people working at a dead run to do his job.

It's worth knowing what type and what level of intelligence you're able and willing to work with in a romantic partner. I don't care about an intellectual match or not, but I'm not willing to be with someone whose social intelligence isn't a near match or higher.

I somewhat agree with this article partially. I do have few disagreements with it. Intelligent people do not feel entitled to love because of their achievements. I do not like his stance on intelligence compatibility. I naturally think at a high level. I do not enjoy having to talk to someone at a lower intellectual level. I'm more easily friends with smarter people. Marriages are more successful when both people are intellectually equal. Finding someone who is equally intelligent does not involve moving. You just have have to find where you are more likely to find smart people.

smart=sexy

My main argument: there are different intelligences. No, I'm not saying that to be trendily non-prejudice, I really do believe that. I might have a high IQ according to tests, but it's the way I go about using my cognitive processes that leads to test success. But I am severely, debilitatingly dyscalculic--I can't do a lick of math higher than that taught in elementary school. I am devastatingly numerically ret*d and computationally challenged. Similarly, my navigational skills are compromised, and I can't do paperwork without severe slip-ups and embarrassment. Quite frankly, it's a nightmare and it always has been.

But I can read people really well, their emotions and intent, in almost any setting and through many mediums. I've played plenty with 'cryptesthaesia' -- telepathy and related phenomenon -- with very compelling results. I also have eidetic memory, both sound and (to a slightly lesser extent) visual, but this has gotten fuzzier with age. In short, I'm intuitive, approximate, emotionally intelligent, and have good working and long term memory, naturally, which applies better to social situations and people than to mechanical applications and bookkeeping. This is how I get by when I am a mathematical dunce. By most standards, I'm not terribly intelligent at all. Or am I?

The article has good points, though, especially regarding inflated self importance and narcissism based on intellectual achievements. No matter what, self importance based on achievements may dampen relationships; jocks and preps may get lots of dates, but how many form long lasting, meaningful bonds? You can apply the theory to several situations, I think.

Also, I know plenty of people, men and women, that think your typical 'nerd' is hot. I guess it's possible they're just not as numerous as the nerds themselves.

I absolutely refuse to get drunk or go to parties. Most of the time, if I let my lizard brain start dictating the decisions, said decisions will lead to me being arrested on multiple assault and battery charges. So I have to keep my higher intelligence intact for the sake my my own safety and the safety of others...