Honestly never think about 'flirting'

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It dawned on me the other day that I don't think I've ever thought about flirting, my entire life. This happened when a friend was having a conversation with the topic 'flirting' in it.

Anyone else like this?

If you mean "have never though about flirting myself" then yes, it seems like a duplicitous thing to do, so I don't. I've certainly thought about it when other people do it, though. When I recognise them doing it.

Nope. I never really thought about it. It just seems like a waste of time to me.

I don't entirely understand flirting. Why would someone flirt with someone that they are not interested in romantically? I guess it's to get attention. There's a married guy at work that flirts with me and it irritates me like crazy. I view it as a way of signaling romantic interest, but nothing can happen between us, so what is the point? Other than to get attention. Argh.

If I was better at flirting I might be able to show guys that I like them, but it doesn't come naturally to me.

Oh I've thought about it all right - it stresses the hell out of me because I'm utterly hopeless at it. Flirting seems to be the act of avoiding saying what you actually want, as well as making useless smalltalk to make someone else guess what you want. Or something. I hate it, and I hate how women demand that you play their silly little mind game if only to stroke their egos. Maybe I've been hit on too, but it's not like I could have seen it happen.

Hoi, not all women play silly mind games, of course some do and it irritates me. But don't tar us all with the same brush please. Flirting isn't so much about stroking the ego of the woman (well not for me anyway) I see it more as a way of saying I really like you, like testing the water to see if they do the same back and then build from there to get to a point where you know that you like each other well enough to actually say: "I like you."

However, I really like a friend of mine and neither of us can flirt and I don't know if he likes me and he doesn't seem to know that I like him. I think flirting can be useful if done with consideration. If only I knew how to do it without making a fool of myself.

Neither do I.

I can see it happen (when not withdrawn into my mind). But as others have said it seems stupid. Why the games? If there is a mutual attraction for the bodies, minds, or both, why not just be honest? Why all the damn games...

You figure out the meaning of the game, let us know . . . as far as my encounters, flirting is either a way to kill time (like joking around) or is an attempt to get the person who has your fancy to make the first move (since no one really likes to be first in admitting something personal). Its like saying, "Hello, Im interested in you, but I dont want to be the first to ask since i cannot tell if you like me." That's been my take on it.

Flirting.... yet more proof that NTs have NPD and ADD... (narcissistic personality disorder and Attention Deficit Disorder.)

Maybe we should be finding a cure for neurotypicalism instead of them trying to say us people on the spectrum are the problem... do it all just to prove a f*****g point, that people need to embrace differences in personalities, cultures, and belifs and s**t. I doubt it would work though, because humans are bastards.

Nope, the thought of it makes me nervous, because I know there'll be some sort of social things I'll miss if I try it.

In general conversation I don't consider it, I just talk naturally, though I think some stuff I say is interpreted as flirting sometimes.

When I'm talking to a girl I like, though, I say things that are considered "sweet" and nice, so I'm good

Flirting is a form of non verbal behavior that enables human animals to acquaint themselves with one another for purposes of selecting mates. It's hard wired into the typical person, just as some form of "flirting" is hardwired into every animal species in the world (save bed bugs apparently who I heard some hideous stuff about the other day - brrrrrrr).

This doesn't mean everyone who flirts hops into the sack and procreates. Because humans have other unique sociocultural oddities like deliberately choosing to mate for life, mostly because our young are so utterly helpless. But the wiring is still there: do I like this person, is she attractive, do we have something in common, if we do let me show I like her, maybe she likes me. It's a constant subtext to everything we do, it's probably our most primal drive.

Flirting certainly does not mean that all neurotypical people have a bunch of disorders (although certainly this could be true of any one individual!)

I think what it does mean is: if you are otherly-wired socially, this behavior may seem deliberate or contrived when it is likely not. To someone who doesn't fluently speak this subtext language it might seem like the flirting must necessarily work up to an "end game" when it doesn't necessarily (in fact, most always it doesn't end anywhere).

With my aspie husband I practically had to sit on his lap naked before he sorted out I was flirting with him. And he does. not. flirt. period. But he does make his attraction to me clear in other ways. I actually love this piece about him, it's soothing to me, his "obliviousness" to a lot of social crap.

I only do it when drunk, for fun, and perhaps some exercise for a case in which I am interested in someone.

I never try to take if further though.

I've had people accuse me of flirting before, and I'd say "What? No we're not, we're just talking."

I didn't really get it.

Obviously this kind of screwed up my head a little, and made me a bit self-conscious about talking to guys

Not really. I don't know if people think about it or just do it. I really don't know what it is, I think it is kind of the same thing you see on animal planet where the animals dance around and puff themselves up. With humans it's apparently really glib conversation where very little is actually talked about and there is some kind of invisible communication going on that has to do with eye contact and body language and barely detectable chemicals flying around. When I am around someone I like I just talk. I try to talk about real issues and be honest about how I feel about them or whatever. Usually I do the wrong thing. The flirting thing seems to work really good for alot of people. I am pretty mystified by 'flirts', people who flirt because they enjoy it or they are attractive and like to have constant feedback about how goodlooking they are...they don't even really have an attraction to the people they are flirting with, it's just like breathing or something, something they do to live, part of their personality. But they wouldn't date or sleep with most of the people they flirt with at all, it's more about them and getting validation than it is the actual other person. To me that is weird, flirting and risking someone getting designs on you and then having to shoot them down, but it doesn't seem to bother those people that like to feel like alot of people like them at one time. To me it would be a huge pain in the behind to have to deal with that unwanted energy.

musicboxforever: Betsy's right, it's just kind of instinctual. His instincts don't know he's married. I think the people who do it just use it as a communication strategy because it's easy and fun for them. It's a way to act familiar and comfortable with someone you don't actually know very well.