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I've always been depressed. What doesn't make sense to me is how I lived for of all of those years feeling like life was a trap with nowhere to run, too afraid to live and too afraid to die, and now I don't feel that way at all yet I'm feeling worse. Back then I considered death all of the time. Now even when I'm at my worst, I feel really bad though never wanting to do anything to myself.

While that's all well and good, it seems that I'm just without any goals whatsoever. What's pathetic (and why I'm posting this in the love and dating section) is that back then, the idea of sleeping with a beautiful woman (in love or not in love) kept me afloat. While a stupid goal, and an immature one, it was still a goal. Now that I've matured and know that sex won't solve anything and that if anything I may be asexual (asexual in the not wanting intercourse sense...I still like women) and I know the answer is you have to be happy on your own, it seems like I'm just living life in perpetual discomfort.

Even my goal of falling in love does not motivate me...even if I found my dream woman and who also wanted to take care of me (not saying I want that.) My point is that nothing motivates me to even want to leave the house.

Someone made the suggestion that I find "my talent." I don't have any. And if it weren't for the Asperger diagnosis, I would be beating myself up mentally and thinking I'm dumb altogether. I know myself inside and out. Without having a complete pity party, I lack common sense in all phases of life and don't have anything of value that I'm great at. I play piano and guitar and am good at both but not great or a virtuoso and even virtuoso's have trouble making money in the field.

Part of me almost thinks that I'm better off inside the house, just away from everyone, away from criticism, but as has been proven and as those of you who've followed my posts can tell...it doesn't work for me either. It's better than the other option (having a job I'm bad at, dealing with co-workers who think I look weird and am socially inept, and then wanting to kill myself) but it's not much better.

I don't know what I'm trying to get out of this post, other than maybe people who are or have been in the same situation...no goals whatsoever, and the goals you had at one point are no longer important (even if they're bad goals and shouldn't be, like getting laid.)

How about setting yourself some sort of goal that can be numerically measured, so you can follow your progress and see clearly and without depression interfering, how you're doing? Save up for some kind of luxury (a car, an iPod, a pet (I recommend that one!)). It'll give you something to focus on, if nothing else. And you never know - you might feel good about yourself once you've done it!

A pet would be a good one, actually. They don't care if you're socially inept - in fact, some probably prefer it! Animals are easier to make friends with than people, anyway.

I had to do something for someone else. I didn't want to go out of the house and meet people so I started modding on WP. It gets me out of myself and performs a service. I might not be any less depressed, but at least I am doing something constructive with my time.

and I agree, a pet is a must. So many times I thought about my cat having to go back to the shelter and know that is not what I got him out for, I promised him a 'forever' home.

I agree, also, about the pet. My cat has been the reason that I didn't commit suicide, many times. Like sinsboldly says, I had promised my kitty a forever home, too, when I adopted her from the pound. And, once I had a cat to look after, it got a little easier to come out of my depressed isolation. I started going to local meet-ups, and, after about 2 years, made a friend to hang out with and do stuff with. After about 3 and 1 half years, I met a guy and we are now a couple.

Just 3 years ago I wanted to kill myself, but by caring about a cat, the doors opened for more. Hang in there, and it will improve.

The OP's description pretty much describes me but with one exception. I accept my state of mind for the most part. Depression is periodic for some and life defining for others. I accept that I can't be all everyone thinks I ought to be. I try to find satisfaction in small things because big things drain me. I am hugely better with meds and sobriety, but mild depression is just hard wired into me I guess. That's why I focus so much on small comforts. Those things that are so often overlooked. I agree about the pet. Very very good to have.

If you don't think that you have a talent, then what about an interest? What about volunteering...doing something for people who are less fortunate than yourself? That would certainly give you a sense of purpose, and a reason to leave the house.

I agree with the idea of a pet....or even volunteering at an animal shelter or clinic? Animals don't judge, they don't make snide comments - they're just happy to have a human being around to care for them.

I think it's very easy to feel depressed when you don't really have much going on in your life. But you are the only person who can change that....so how about it?

I have a pet dog, a papillon, and I agree, there's something about an animal's unconditional love.

As far as interests and drive though, I agree - finding things your passionate about is challenging. I've had many times in my life where it seemed like it was just dwindling down to music and even that seemed to be fading at those points. I think you just need to keep yourself on the lookout and, if you can, make friends with NT guys who are motivated and passionate about certain things - it can be contagious and I know that without my friends there may have been at least a few things (martial arts and weight lifting at present) that may not have come about on their own as I wouldn't have found my own groove within such spheres.

I noticed I have mood swings. I'm not bi-polar. But I do have slight mood swings, and last night, after the Patriots lost, I typed this thread. It's amazing how one seemingly pointless event (a regular season football game) can make me disinterested in life altogether, the same way when the girl I was dating stopped answering my calls, I felt abandoned and actually wanted to kill myself.

A few years ago, I was a lot like Toad, only not overweight. I thought I was really ugly looking, that no woman would ever find me attractive, let alone love me, I hated myself, my life, and was overall a downer to be around. I corrected all of that the past few years, and I like myself, don't think I'm ugly, and have confidence in myself. The depression is just a result of sensitivity to events, from small (a football game) to small but a bigger deal (a break-up.)

That's what bothers me. My mood swings are the result of high-sensitivity and a chemical imbalance, not of unresolved issues or low self-esteem. And like I said in the original post, even when I'm not feeling like I was last night, I'm not motivated at all, I'm just content and not feeling down in the dumps.

I have an appointment with my psychatrist on thursday, and the past year, he's been very stubborn. He didn't want to "mess with a good thing"...that for a while, I was at least content most of the time. But it's clear the current prescription is wearing off, as meds tend to do, and I need something else, not only something that will stabilize me, but also maybe motivate me to get out of the house and do something, and then after meet the dream woman.

People have recommended talking to a therapist on here...that isn't my problem. I worked on all the "issues"...I'm just lacking motivation and prone to random depressive mood swings.

I think what we're at risk of, being on spectrum, is having moodwings just in that the world has a very moody way of dealing with us. When you can't get normal reciprocation for what you give your environment - it does mess with your head, sometimes in ways you may not fully understand. Not debating that chemical depression may play a roll, just that a lot of it could still be life as well.

I agree...and when the woman stopped answering my calls, that was a perfect example of me putting in more than I was being given in return. To her, she was just dating a guy for a month that she thought was cute and then she lost interest. To me, the fact that we were fooling around indicated a more serious relationship, and it was hard for me to understand how one minute she could be topless in front of me and the next minute not even want to see me again.

Other times, though, it's obvious that it's just random mood swings for no reason. The best way to describe it is like one of those lie detector test papers with all the different wavelengths. I can notice the mood shifting for no reason at all.

So I think it's a combination of both.

Either way, I feel like I should be feeling better considering that I don't hate the way I look, like myself as a person, am as over as past events as I'm ever going to be and so on.

In my experience, the lack of motivation you are describing is connected to depression. Even if you can keep from feeling gloomy, you can't make yourself motivated to experience life. I really think it all goes hand in hand.

Unfortunately, I don't think the motivation aspect is something medications can cure. They can make you stop ignoring the pile of things waiting to be done, but they can't make you dig into it. It has to come from somewhere else. Now, if I need where that somewhere else was, I wouldn't ever feel the lack of motivation myself ever again, but I don't. You have to find it, or allow it to find you. Which means, really, you have to get OUT.

Start with volunteer jobs. What sorts of things have you done in the past? Hobbies, jobs, interests? Maybe we can point you in a direction and be your motivation team.

I agree with some of the other advice here -- you're showing signs of depression and low self-esteem. You need to work on you, and get out more, but you also have to want it. If you're not really driven to change, any actions you take are going to tend to be futile. Find something to live for, relax about your faults (no one is perfect, not even NT's with great lives), and go out there and live life. The alternative isn't a very happy existence.

I don't have low self-esteem. I'm not a happy guy, and I'd be the first to admit that, but I don't think I'm worthless or not deserving. Low self-esteem is more like what Toad is experiencing (no offense to Toad, I went through the same thing.) This is just complete apathy. When I'm gloomy, I hide in my bed, when I'm not gloomy, I'm just a guy that listens to music, likes looking at pictures of beautiful women (not porn), and talking to women on dating sites on the internet as friends.

The only things I can think of that I've ever wanted, besides my previous goal of "getting laid with a beautiful woman" is having a girlfriend that I think is beautiful and has a good personality, or being in a band with musicians as dedicated and talented as myself and wanting to play the exact music I want to play. And let's put it this way, if I had my way, my band would be playing songs like Walking In Memphis, I've Had The Time Of My Life as well as Huey Lewis and Rod Stewart songs. In other words, outdated soft-rock that you can't dance to. I am however in the process of forming a band, even if I can't play those songs in it.

I really think you need to stop thinking and start doing. Motivation is a very misunderstood concept - it really doesn't propel you to do something - it appears as you do something. It doesn't surprise me that you're unhappy with your life...it's like you've retired at the ripe old age of 26. That's just not the way it's supposed to work - it's time to get back in the game (and the part of you that recognizes your discontent knows that).

It will help if he can find things that seem to build a way out. If you want instant motivation and passion its finding that endeavor that you realize can enrich your life in real time and even if its a goal that you can't obtain tomorrow that practicing it has the cumulative effect - in true certainty - whether it takes you longer than someone else or not. That's what's different about us vs. people who, say, have more going for themselves without trying - we'll achieve things they wouldn't because we have the leverage pressing down upon us and forcing us toward more poignant goal attainment, especially as we have to try a bit harder to find reasons to enjoy life or feel like we're advancing onward and upward. We also generally have more time and fewer distractions which can also be a bit of a blessing in disguise, with or without social lives even.

I think anyone who chooses to take that route has a major thing going for them. The challenge is finding out what that is and what they can become passionate about, whether out of sheer love for the topic or even just loving the utility of how it can change their lives for the better and what it means to them in that regard.