Why flirting?

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Wouldn't dating be a helluva lot easier if a guy went up to a girl he's been friends with for a few months and said:

"Hello, I like you, let's go on a date."

If dating was like this, there would be no more frustration.

I despise the people who go up to my face and shout "BOOORRRING!" because you know what? I think flirting is a stupid chore. If you like someone, be honest and let them know. Both will be happier without any complications.

What's boring to NT is actually fun to me, vice versa.

Actually, you might be surprised at how often the direct approach works. A lot of people find flirting and social dances to be a bothersome chore.

Nothing works every time, so just keep trying. Its a numbers game. The more times you try, the better your odds of scoring.

Easier said than done.

Most people are afraid of rejection so they want to make sure the girl is interested in them back before making the move

Surely, there are lots of girls who think flirting is stupid and boring too -- so date them. And maybe lay off the disparaging of folks who like flirting -- just because YOU don't enjoy it doesn't make other people's enjoyment of it wrong.

I think you hit the nail on the head. Flirting is a more casual way of "testing the waters" to see if the other person is interested, or not. The direct approach DOES work...on some people, but other people find it too forward and pushy, and lacking in the challenge department.

Stick with what works best for you.

I don't know how to flirt. I don't care to learn how either. If I like someone I will say hey want to hang out, talk about common interests, maybe we'll hit it off, if not oh well. If someone else likes me I want them to be blunt with me too. I just don't have the time or energy to master the art of flirting.

Flirting is fun! And it doesn't stop once I start dating someone, or even once we become a couple (although it is probably called something different then, as the intentions are more serious, but the actions are the same). It's a lovely way to show you are attracted to someone, it stirs the hormones more than just saying "I like you". I think I might struggle to be in a relationship with someone who never flirted with me.

/opinion

Agreed. Why skip the most enjoyable part?

Flirting is not something you know or learn, you just do it. And that is not like "just relax and be yourself and everything will be fine". You really shouldn't learn how to flirt because then you will just be a fake.

It might very well work, but why miss the best part?



Flirting is not a social dance unless you want it to be. It's a nonverbal way of expressing affection. It can be as easy as "stealing" glances from a girl.



No, the more times you try and fail the lower self-esteem and the higher chance you will give up. The more times you are able to get affection back from a girl, even if you don't say anything to her or date her, the higher self-esteem and the higher chance you will eventually dare to ask somebody for a real date.

That's why I don't bother flirting. When other people flirt with me sometimes I don't realize it and when I do it feels awkward. I prefer intelligent conversations with someone or just joke around like I would with a friend, see if I want to be more than friends with that person or not.

Both of those are indicators that you are incompatible, so it's just as well that you don't notice it or that it feels awkward.

This is exactly what I fear. Other people with Asperger's telling me the "joys" of flirting simply because they have different sensory issues or a more casual personality. I'm the serious, anxious Aspie.

As far as "just doing it", when you flirt, again where do you draw the line? If you use word that come on too strong or aren't suggesting interest, you aren't doing it right and that's exactly why I stay away from it.

"Your eyes will make any scavenger jealous because they're the best diamonds I've ever seen."

"What's with the dress? You preparing for a party I don't know of?"

That's the best I can come up with. I don't want to risk free slaps from girls so they've never been used before.

Don't be absurd. Have you not noticed that you are on a forum full of people with autism/Asperger's? It is well within the realm of possibility, if not likelihood, that someone who doesn't enjoy or notice flirting is compatible with the flirter.

Only if they are faking it because they don't know any better. Personally, I think most people either have a neurotypical or neurodiverse way of flirting / reacting to flirting, and few don't have any. In most cases people that claim they don't do it or react on it simply are not self-aware enough.

If you are a serious, anxious Aspie, then you shouldn't do mass-dating, and you shouldn't try to fake typical flirting.



You don't have to flirt verbally. IMHO, the best way to flirt is with looks (quick glances). It's innocent, you cannot get rejected or come out as creepy (unless you stare too much), and it is a honest indicator of interest.