How to talk to an Aspie ???

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Please help!! ! I have been dating an Aspie going on a year now. I'm about to go crazy. First off let me say that I've never really had to communicate this much and this directly in past relationships. So this is all new to me and I'm trying. So far we have done pretty good about talking things through. But here lately I just don't feel like I'm getting through to him. And I don't know what else to do. If I send an email he skims it and doesn't respond. When I ask him about it later I can tell he didn't really read it. If I try to pour my heart out in person I start to cry and feel stupid. I get completely emotional because I'm completely in love with him and making this relationship work means so very much to me.

Early in our relationship we became intimate. That only lasted a couple of months and the intimacy stopped. I have told him repeatedly my need for physical intimacy. He has away of explaining it away. Because I do love him I'm trying to be patient and wait until he's ready. But it's been like 9 months since we have been intimate or even close to intimate. I don't know what else I can say to him to get him to get it. I need more physical attention from him. He was all about it when we first got together and now I'm lucky if I get a good kiss. He says it's not me. But it is a need that I need met... and I only want it with him. What else can i say.? I'm in my mid 30's and begging for sex from men isn't something I've ever had to do. I even offered to pay for a romantic weekend away and he acts put out by the ideal.

I've read and read about how you just need to be direct and straight forward when talking to Aspies. I don't really know how much more straight forward or direct I could be. And I don't want to continue to make him feel like no matter what it's never enough. Becasue it is... I just need sex. And I've told him exactly that and got nowhere. Any suggestions???

If it's just sex you might consider an open relationship. You could also threaten to break-up, even if you don't want to, just to see if he will take it seriously then. Dan Savage is kind of the expert on these sorts of issues, you might check him out.

He's deflecting the discussion because he's done with the relationship and doesn't want to hurt your feelings by being blunt about it (so he rationalizes). I'm not saying he doesn't care about you, but there's no more romantic relationship to be had there. Your pressing him for one is only going to make him withdraw even more. I'm sorry to say, but some of us just can't maintain those interpersonal channels indefinitely. They're wonderful for a while, but they just require more mental energy and focus than we're capable of in the long-term. There's a reason why we're often stereotyped as emotionless robots and Mister Spocks. Blame it on bad wiring.

Your lucky you had any itimacy at all im an aspie and i really struggle to get near her in that way its so bad that we havent kissed ( the big one ) for they whole 3 years we have been going out im surprised why she stays with me

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I've tried to reply to this like 8 times, and I keep getting blocked.

I wouldn't make up a story about him being "done" with you. He may be, we don't really know. What I think I would do is give him some space. I don't mean dramatically announce you're leaving to give him space, I mean just find other things that interest you and focus on them, and spend time with girlfriends and let him alone.

Did the sex dissipate as the relationship unhappiness entered? My aspie husband and I have strong sexual chemistry and relationship, but I would have sex daily if I had my choice. He is OK with 2 - 3 times per week. In the beginning, this was a bummer for me but I've learned to accept that he needs recuperation and I don't just mean in that (ahem) physiologically male way. He has to have space from intimacy.

Also - if there are other demands on him, from work, from the kids, or from me in other areas of the relationship - the sex suffers. So, happy aspie = = happy sex = = happy NT girl. Then, everyone's happy! I try not to frame things in terms of demands. I say "demands" because the crying, and emailing above you describe may be experienced this way.

OP, honey....I think you need to take a step back and figure out why you're so desperate to keep this relationship going. This guy is not meeting your needs, he's not talking to you, he doesn't read your emails, he's apparently impervious to your tears...and it doesn't seem to bother him. Are you absolutely sure you're really in love with him, and not what you once had with him?

Look, I'm sure the first three months were great, but that's not the relationship you've had with him for most of the time you've been together. You've got to start dealing with what the relationship has become - and how that makes you feel. (First impressions die hard with me too, so I know how hard it can be to adjust when things change so dramatically.) I knew a girl who was beautiful, smart, successful, you name it. She invested over ten years of her life with a guy who was a controlling, cold, selfish jerk (he never tired of embarrassing her in front of her friends by listing all the "toys" he'd rather buy than spending money on a "stupid" wedding). After a particularly difficult time of having her cry on my shoulder, I finally asked why she continued to see him (trust me, she could have had her pick of guys). She stated very plainly that the first year they'd been together had been great....she just knew that "year one guy" was the "real" guy, who would eventually "return" to the relationship. We all know the ending to this story, right? She finally broke up with him, but she could never really let him go...her fantasy of him. She's never married, still has no children....I don't know if she ever will. How much different could her life had been if she'd just dealt with the reality of her relationship? I don't know.....just something to think about. Good luck.

Over the years, I have had crushes, been obsessed, been filled with romantic fantasies about people, and even been deeply hurt. What I have learned, is that I never experienced real love. For myself, it has proven to be a genuine liking for each other, a meeting of minds, and a strong chemistry between us. I don't have to work really hard at keeping the relationship going, because so many things are in place that work! I think that a sign that a relationship is not healthy, is when you are anguished, begging and pleading, while the other person is not treating you like a priority.

No matter what this guy's reasons are, OP, you are not a priority to him. Be it the AS, or being overwhelmed, or whatever. Make a list of all your good qualities, and then ask yourself what you truly deserve. Only you know the answer to that! And then, don't give up until you find it.