I am dating a person with Aspergers

Post Reply New Topic

Hello I am a neurotypical girl dating a lovely boy with Aspergers and he has recently had an incident with my mother where he was emotionally pressed to talk while he was already upset and he snapped. They both heavily insulted each other and long story short my mother banned me from seeing him. I am 17 and so is he although he fast approaches his 18th birthday we would really appreciate any advice or help

Hi everyone. I'm the boyfriend. I reciprocate her request for help. We're really not sure how to deal with this. Thanks.

convinced your mother that he has aspergers show her proof about his diagnosis. it causes anger so i know how it feels man im with you there i insulted my brother once and it has improve since he knows i have aspergers.

hopefully your mother understands that he can't help it and its part of his aspergers make sure to give her a copy of his full diagnosis. it maybe a violation of privacy but its the only way for you two to be together this is my best effort to help

i wish you two the best of luck

Your teenagers. Do what I did and rebel against your mum and blame it on hormones. She'll most likely forgive you and come around to your way of seeing things. But then again your only 17 so the chances of the relationship actually lasting is slim, from a statistical point of view at least, but you could just wait until your 18 and then she won't really have any control over you as your deemed an adult and can go and elope some where...

i agree if my idea doesn't work you're idea is the best bet.

I would just ignore mother, and go on to see whoever I wanted to. After all, does the mother really have to know that you are seeing each other? When I was that age, my parents had no idea at all that I even was interested in girls, so couldn't interfere.

I tend to do things to the extreme when dealing with people who are extreme. Although maybe I am just extreme in everything. Well... pack all of your stuff very inconspicuously, grab anything that might be needed for survival, then elope and run off to as absolutely far away as you possibly can. You will need to learn these skills eventually anyway and the sooner the better. Whilst heading your way to whatever new state or province or destination, declare yourselves as «orphaned» wanderers, and learn how to earn food or travel-expenses by figuring out who has work available and are willing to pay cash for completing the job (stay away from shady stuff though). Generally, a lot of the «richer» employers would rather pay ordinary folk for «construction» related projects, and I know a guy who literally goes to Home Depot at certain hours of the day looking to hire the «homeless» or the «Mexicans» who want to work to earn some $$$.

You will also need to learn how to maintain your own hygiene (such as use of showers at swimming pools or the shower/locker-rooms of possible campuses you may encounter), may need to invest in a tent and sleeping bags and blankets for purposes of being able to «camp» during your travels (just make sure that you scout around enough to make sure that you're «pitching» your tent out of the way in order to avoid confrontations with those PIGs [aka police] who like to go about perjuring their oaths and violating everyone's rights and generating revenue for their CORPORATE-masters who then go and use that EXTORTIONIST bail/jail/prison-bond money in order to start and fund ILLEGAL WARS and invasions over-seas), and it would be better to leave behind any cell-phones and instead just take a laptop to be able to have access to making negotiations on Craig's List with people who might be willing to help you along the way on your journey (but again you still need to exercise discipline and not be so naïve as to necessarily believe everything that others may tell you; when dealing with the «adult-world» there are such things as literal criminals, such as the police, and you don't want to get yourselves «kidnapped» by those bandits, otherwise they WILL «sell» you into SLAVERY).

I never had any «reasonable» parents and so this was essentially the ONLY type of thing I could do in order to be able to live my own life without the unwarranted «abusiveness» that I was forced to put up with for the longest.

I believe in reasoning and reconciliation. I think that going behind your mother's back will create a little rift between you.
She may be quite wrong in her assumption that your boyfriend is bad news, but if you start to ignore each other's feelings rather than discuss them and try and see things from each other's perspective that may cause communication issues further down the line because you will trust each other less. You both need to build a bridge rather than knock it down.

Firstly, why do you think that your mother has reacted the way she has? If you were her, how would you have reacted to your daughter, whom you love dearly, bringing home someone who was angry all of a sudden and insulting? Do you think that you would have wanted to protect your daughter? How would you have done that? Take into account that she doesn't know your boyfriend as well as you do.

How recent was this? Does she need a bit of time to calm down before you can talk to her about it again? There's no point bringing it up again if she's still upset.

Also, can you think of ways to prove that he is trustworthy? Has he apologised to her?

Thank you to everyone for the advice, sadly my mother is aware of his Aspergers and refused to listen to how that caused the issue. She believes he used it as a crutch and that's very upsetting to me because he literally has Aspergers and this is what happens sometimes. She refuses to listen to me about it and is even angry at me for wanting to see him "after what he did"

Another thing to consider is that I do not hate my parents. I love them and I'm very family oriented but Jake is my family now too, we have been dating for two years and I'm not going to abandon him. My parents are not bad people, jake is not a bad person they just both did something bad and I want to fix it but my mom won't listen and I'm getting blamed for this for sympathizing with him

I would say your best solution then, is to prepare to leave. Some people are just too set in their ways to see the reality of real life, Kat.

I may be old and not quite as impulsive as a young person, but I really don't think that a teenage romance is worth leaving your family for.

Thinking of it from your Mom's point of view she was probably scared by his angry outburst and she's worried that he may lash out at you. She doesn't want you to get hurt. She doesn't know if this is a warning sign that he might get violent at some point and she just wants to protect you. A meltdown can be pretty scary to witness.

Can you really live with someone who has that kind of fuse. 17 year old you says yes. 23 year old you with 2 kids under the age of 5, stressed out trying to get all the housework done and look after the kids walking on eggshells around your partner may feel differently

I understand the concern of how we will be in the future but my mother is not concerned for me. She is angry at him for what he said but is not worried about my safety with him. Also yes I am sure I can live with his outbursts and issues because I know how to handle it, I know how to calm him down and I know not to push him or pressure him which is what caused the incident. I understand that we are young but I have experience with dealing with certain disabilities and my mothers unwillingness to understand and her reaction is no reflection of me or how I react.

well your mother needs to research aspergers and it does in fact causes anger im sorry there no more to help in this situation. i wish you both the best of luck in your future endeavors

Is it at all possible your mother would accept an apology from him, at least enough to grudgingly let you still see him?

Why don't you tell your mom that he has Aspergers and that people with AS snap under pressure. If they still don't let him come over then go to his house.