Is this normal in aspie dating?

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Hey guys ive been going out with a girl in my school for about 4 years now and we have hugged and stuff ( thats about it really ) but in a way ive been getting this feeling of i wish she would leave me for someone else because i know im not good enough. I actually at one point said to myself im going to break up with this girl and try and set her up with somebody else so she can be with someone who can SHOW how he feels about her and not just say i love you on msn and that be the end of it and the reason i thought of doin this is becaus i love her and i want her to be happy so rather than be stuck with me i should help her get someone who has a right to exist and can show how he feels about her ( like kiss her and that stuff ) beacause somehow i feel like she kinda wasted on me and that somehow i "dont deserve" a GF really because everyone seems to know what to do when dating and she is stuck with me! so she says she loves me and i love her alot but also want her to be happy (and she is happy with me i hope) but with someone who is not emotionally blind.

have you felt this or am i on my own again?

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I think if she loves you and you dump her, you're going to break her heart.

I also kinda think that whole thread about loving yourself before you can love someone else applies to your situation: she loves you, but you can't accept it because you don't think you deserve her love. Kiddo, I don't think the answer is to push her away. I think the answer is to work on the issues you have that don't allow you to accept that this nice young lady really does love you - and that you really deserve her love.

If you do that work now, at your age, you'll be sparing a lot of nice young ladies a ton of heartache in the years to come, because you'll be able to give and receive love with an open and accepting heart. Talk to your parents about your self-esteem issues (or perhaps a school counselor), and see if they can hook you up with a good therapist. This is your issue to resolve, so get to it. And good luck.

Thanks for the advice and i see your point i think i previously read that thread loving yourself before loving someone else but yes i can see your point its just really upsetting feeling really down and thinking well maybe its best if i let her go for her sake not mine but yes i guess leting her go will break her heart plus i really love her ( im 15 so you probably wont beleive me ) and would love to stay with her ive just been thinking maybe im being stupid keeping her with me but yes i will work on my self esteem i guess ive just been depressed lately

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Honey, talk to a counselor at school - you should let him/her know that you're feeling so depressed - he/she will be able to help you. And I believe you really do love this girl, even though you're only 15....love can feel even more intense when you're a teen than when you're an adult. I suspect you're being hard on yourself (since this girl has been with you so long, and really seems to care for you) - but a good counselor can help you with that. Good luck, kiddo.

Funny you should say that actually mecause my MUM is a counceller and whenever i feel upset she will make it better but something i want to just see if i can fix it myself.

Oh ya and the school i kind of dont want to talk about my personel stuff with them but hey my mum can fill that position ^^ we get along great together i guess because we find it easiy to talk with each other and in a way me having AS was perfect practice for the counselling job so in a way its helped her alot!

thanks for the replys

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i think maybe you should try the kissing before you rule anything out . If you've been going out for 4 years, then it's not like she's not expecting it at some point.

it's really not that hard. next time you see her, just don't think about it, stall yourself with thought, just do it. trust me, i've missed out on too many things, & regretted it just because i wouldn't step out of my comfort zone a little. also, proving to yourself that you can step out of your comfort zone like that will make you feel better about yourself and maybe the feelings of not being good enough at least in that way will begin to dissipate, if even a little. Fear is all that holds you back.

the more you learn to deal with your fear, and override it in different situations, the better you'll feel about yourself, & consequentially about being with her.
i you don't step up to the plate now, you'd just run into the same problem if you eventually got together with someone else. So why not try to nip the problem in the bud here? helps to do it sooner rather than later.

aside from that you're only 15, you haven't even gotten to the fun relationship years

i say all this because when i was 15 i only wish i'd had a girlfriend of 4 years already, you're a step ahead of most of us kid. & i only wish i'd had someone to prod me into action and actually do stuff, but i was way too shy to even get into all that. I only really sorta learned that pretty recently, and had to learn it the hard way on my own.
I still have my AS problems, but i'll be damned if i'm going to let them rule my life completely.

a saying i think fits nicely into this.
"Nothing ventured, nothing gained"

i don't know if i've helped any, but i hope i have.
i'm not saying you have to do what i'm suggesting, but it might be a good thing to think about

Thanks alot for the advice and i guess your right there is a tiny bit more to this whole thing though but nothing important but saying im a step ahead in a way i am but i really want exspecting to even go out with anyone she asked me out! but ill tell you honestly the first 2 years kissing never even crossed my mind once!! so i cant imagine why she stayed with me if that is what she was hopeing to get so im actually with all the other AS kids just had a girl but still as confused anyway thanks alot for the advice

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Awwwww, I used to go out with a girl for a very long time and we both are autistic

Only until august, she had dumped me because she had found herself another guy and it broke my heart real bad but it also had hurt her...

Are you sure you want to dump her, because you might end up making a mistake and you also be the one that would be heartbroken, believe me, I've been there and I have done that and it was not a pleasant experience what so ever...

If anyone was familiar with the previous post, "My friends love story is bothering me?" that's what that was about and it was so painful, I felt so crushed and so manytl things was all on my mind that I ended up thinking what I really don't want to be thinking about.

As the good Seanmw said about setting the kissing rule, that actually what made my relationship stronger and we felt like we was ment to be ... Hold her hands and you could say how much you love her... That what she did to me, it was so beautiful that I had never forgotten about it like it was yesterday

I missed my chances

you either risk breaking up with her or you don't, it's totally your choice...


Superboyian.

Yep the whole breaking up thing has been going through my mind and its actually not just me she does not make any effort to kiss me hold my hand put her arm round me nothing whatsoever so i thought it was me ( being an aspie ) just missin signals but theres missing signals and not sending them at all and she is not sending any i can assure all of you as for the whole heartbreak thing i dont care if it breaks my heart as long as she is happy :'( why am i putting myself through all this pain just for her she dosent seem to even care if i kiss her or not??

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Thanks everyone for all the answers but i have taken the time ( more than once ) to talk about if she wants to be freinds with me and she always replys no she wants to go out with me maybe im missing the point here i thought when you went out with someone you did like held hands and other stuff ( i have done this with her every hmm 2 months or so?? ) and that will probably the only like touching we will do so i ask her are you comfortable with me touching you? and says yes but when ever i put my arm round her i look at her and not even a twitch she just sits there she dosent move closer to me or anything so once again i ask her are you ok do you want me to kiss you and stuff because i struggle and i say how will i ever know if you want me to or not? and she replys with the WORST answer " dont worry you will know" So i answer that i wont know when but she keeps saying i will know when she wants me to! unless she bloody says it to my face she will be waiting a looong time and this THIS! is the most shocking part which i cant understand she still stays with me!! ! Why? she has had other boyfreinds and left them! she has even....well i wont say but you can surely guess with one of them and then he left her but then she comes to me stays with me for 4 years and never complains that im fridgid ( which is a great thing!! ) but i would like to like ( at least! ) kiss her i mean 4 years and hmm 8 kisses??! ! not 1 of them you know...LONG but then i guess this must be a realeationship and if this is what others are complaining of missing out on i will say "theres nothing to it you just sit there and she will be happy!" well my life is going to be full of exsperiences with girls >:(

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My favorite letter is the squiggly! ~