Is this a typical evening?

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OK,

EDIT: I decided to make this a bit shorter and more general, no-one needed a blow by blow.

Quite often My GF will tell me I said something rude to her, and in reality I meant whatever was said completely innocently.

Other times she will be certain my body language indicates I am upset, indifferent or bored when in reality I am very happy and paying close attention.

I can't believe I would be unable to correct these problems if I were able, as I have been trying very hard to listen and watch my step verbally, but keep putting my foot in my mouth.

I have a feeling that this is a fairly typical AS quarrel, am I right?

thanks,

Steve

Last edited by jester69 on 06 Mar 2006, 12:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Has she done any reading up on AS yet? That might help, so that she understands where you're coming from and how you really might feel. I misunderstood my husband a lot in the beginning. I assume in 7 years you've had a lot of these fights too?

Also, we have a rule in our house with my aspie husband. One conversation in 10 that he starts has to be about something other than cars. It's good for him, to divert his thought processes, and good for me, so that I don't just tune him out completely.

jester69, I can relate to your story. Although both of my parents are NTs, they argue pretty much on a daily basis. So marriage pretty much seems like a sham to me. It's a legacy left over from the times when it actually made sense, like an IBM mainframe that takes up the whole room. In the old days (as in before the 1960's), marriage made sense: it created a stable family with strictly defined roles. Just think of Father Knows Best and Leave It to Beaver. Nowadays, marriage is still practiced mainly because it worked in the past, and it's too much of a hassle to change it. (Like that IBM mainframe; "hey, it still works"). In my opinion, marriage will be phased out and eventually disappear over the next 100 years.

But let's not turn a thread about disagreement between married partners into a debate of whether we still need marriage in our society. But a separate thread about it would be nice.

We really do have a great relationship most of the time. I think a large number of our arguments have been caused by me expressing myself in a blunt manner and she takes it the wrong way.

I may go back and delete this, I don't want to portray anyone in a bad light. Neither one of us is right or wrong, i just think we are trying to speak each in our own language. We need to both learn how to navigate the others headspace.

take care,

Jester

Your disagreement sounds like the ones me and my husband have. He is AS and I am NT. He is also blunt and outspoken.

It may be a good idea to show her WrongPlanet, then she will be able to read that others are like you and it isn't an excuse.

My husband also doesn't portray with body language what he is feeling or thinking. He can appear happy but be totally miserable, or his body language can be angry or confused, and his voice may be the same, but his words say something different.

The language that AS people portray does confuse us with NT.

She needs to read up on AS, and this site is the best place to do so.

I think what Serrisa said in another thread might apply. Apologize, even though you didn't do anything "wrong". I'm sure your GF didn't get upset just to start a fight, she is genuinely hurt. Apologize not because you're sorry for doing wrong but because you are sorry for accidentally hurting her. Once she understands that you truly didn't mean to be hurtful she'll likely be much more receptive to your explanation.

Generally kind people will think more of you for giving a sincere apology and not less.