NT Husband Failing His Aspie Wife

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For the advice, that has been given to me. That I thank you for, I will try my best to apply what you have said, and I will endure. Despite the depression I have, I love this woman so very much, and sometimes the greatest victories come from fighting the greatest battles. Thank you.

well I agree with them
you can;t hold yourself responsible for someone like that
you did all you could-you shouldn't feel guilty if you leave her because your miserable

despite how greedy it sounds you are number 1 in your books and should always be that way
because at the end of the day-you are you, your not her or anyone else
you have to live with the depression

I think you should start anew, because this clearly isn't working and won't get any better

I think if she knew how miserable she was making you, she would want you to leave. Don't use the excuse that you feel ignored; make her listen and tell her that if things don't change you are going to have to leave.

I would just say give her fair warning if you are going to leave so at least she has an opportunity to change. If she can't change then you can feel guilt-free about leaving. Nobody wants to be the source of someone's misery....

Have you considered counselling? It's worth a try, at least.

Have you told her any of this? Have you said 'I need x, y or z to feel valued'? Have you said 'I'm not happy' or 'I'm depressed'? If you don't say she can't know. If she can't listen, it's a different issue.

I know that a portion of those of us on the spectrum need to be told what our partners need and will not know if we're not told. Hinting is no good, hinting will not be understood, being blunt and clear about things works best.

In a relationship there is supposed to be give and take. Suppressed childhood issues seem to be a big thing here, also that you said (forgive me if I missunderstood you here) that you suppress your own feelings which is not healthy for either of you.

My suggestions on this is to try talk to her about this, in this talk try to explain that this is serious and that she needs to listen. Understand that while there are issues with AS/NT relationships, the biggest issue here may be the childhood abuse. A lecturer of mine has said 'memories buried alive never die' a lot, it means that if a trauma is not dealt with, the person will never really get over it.

How do you feel about her? This is important to think about. I also think that you getting councilling may help but know that finding a good one is hard. It will help you get your head straight and if you think this relationship is fixable, it will help you get her help. I hope you choose what is best for you.

OP, I'm not in the permission-giving business, but if I were, I wouldn't be inclined to give you permission to leave your wife. You need to get into individual counseling to address your depression, anger, lack of coping skills, etc., and get her into marriage counseling with you to discuss your needs within the marriage. Your wife is clearly quite adept at using denial to cope with uncomfortable issues - and look where that's gotten her. You both need to face the problems in your marriage and the issues in each of your personalities that contribute to those problems. Time to face it, hon.