Frustrated with Men Not Planning Dates

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I've been on an online dating site for a few years - seems that most men are keen to arrange the meet up for the first time. However, I have met several men who end each date with "call me" or "email me" and I feel as though I have to arrange all of the rest of the dates. If it wasn't for me keeping in touch by email, I think that I would loose contact with them. Yet, for some mad reason, I keep doing it because I"m worried that I will not hear from them again.

Is everything in that "He's Just Not Into You" movie/book true? If he's not calling me and arranging the dates (regardless if he's lazy, busy, shy, etc.,) then he doesn't like me at all? Why does he keep agreeing to go on dates if that is the case?

Not that I expect it to be easy but why the heck can't I have a boyfriend.......it's as though I have this incredible talent for not being able to find someone who likes me. Like no one ever seems to fancy me?

Optimist generality:

Most of the folks on online dating sites generally aren't succesful in real life. For men, this is your typical "nice guy" and/or people with lack of social skills.

Most guys who sign up are looking/hoping for love. Their ideal is going to be a partner with whom they can share life. If they were looking (and/or capable) of taking charge of the dating schema, they would be at the typical public setting (e.g. bars, clubs, airport lounges).

So when the guy says "call me" or "email me" he is hoping for you to "call him" or "email him" in order to hit that ideal situation - you being the one.

So why not give him a shot? Give him a call a few days later, but drop him an email the day after ("I had a good time, any ideas or suggestions on what we could do for a second date?")

Pessimist generality:
He's just not that into you and it's an opportunity for him to screen further contact.

Ultimate question: Would you want to be an optimist or a pessimist in the world of online dating? If the later - simple cancel your account on match/eharmony/yahoo and save yourself $29.99/month.

I skimmed through He's Just Not That Into You for the purpose of confirming my suspicion that the book in its entirety was baseless crap, and my suspicions were indeed confirmed.

I would say try calling or emailing them first, and if it doesn't seem like it's getting anywhere, then find someone else. Men are all different. Some will chase after you, some will make you chase them, and some will just blow you off. You won't really know which one they are, unless you at least at least give it a shot.

Usually though, if someone is interested, they will find time to talk, or be with you, whether they are busy or not, but sometimes there are special circumstances where they honestly can't.

He's Just That Not Into You is a book for frustrated women. Don't listen to it. It will just frustrate you more. As for the guys that say "Call me" I think he figures if you don't call him, it's YOUR fault he wasn't succesful, not his. Guys like that aren't successful with women, and so they do that so they can't blame themselves. Most guys like that are really nice and really clingy. So be wary of potential stalkers if you do call him, whoever "he" may be.

I often struggle with the "he's just not that into you" info. Because almost all the "rules" so to speak have applied in my relationship. It definetly seems a lot of the time that I am more into him then he is into me. And that I make the bigger effort. But do those rulse apply to Aspies ?? Who need time to withdraw ?? Need to be reaffirmed. Aren't always up for physical intimacy ??? I never know when to say with he's an Aspie so that's all it is... or wow he's just not that into me and doesn't really want me. I talk to him about it and he normally reassures me... but I worry one day he will get tired of having to reassure me. It's so hard.