Him, Me, and AS

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Hi everyone, im jenni, budding author and talented stage school child.

have a problem could really do with some help...

ok, iv met this guy, B thru goth dating site and he sounded so interesting so doing my typical 'stalkerish' thing i typed loads of his GM profile to Google and got his myspace.. added him and started chatting, we've been together for about 6 weeks and already my AS is causing tensions in our relationship.

He cant stand the fact i text him alot, but i need reasurance- it's a long distance relationship and i just need to no he cares.
He cant stand the fact that i have done some really desperate stuff in the past and if i need to i will do them nbow, i done sexwork and danced in clubs before now. I told him this coz i belive in honesty, he tells me he loves me but he wont tell me if im his, or not... my facebook still says im his and his abbreviated love messages- 'lu2 x' kinda tells me we are but it's not enough to stop me wondering.
I ask him down to mine and he thinks im 'telling' him to move in with me ( i dont ever want to live with anyone else i like my space.) and goes into a never ending rant about his 'wrestling classes' and how i wouldnt 'demand' him down if i loved him id move to him. i then throw it back that if he loved me he'd skip one freakin meet up and come down and see me, like i miss one or two of my martial arts class meet up's to go to him.
someone told me relationships were about comprimise- think that idea missed him somehow-maybe - dont know.


I'm also wondering if he has AS aswell as if you ask him a question it goes from him to his beloved bloody wrestling- i dont have a huge hype about this really. and thats the whole convo... very aspie if the genral ideals of AS are to be consulted. He's not very open and doesnt like surprises much either,( he's gonna hate his birthday one hehe.) gets grumpy if you get to close emotionally to him aswell.
has very few interests, you can find him at wrestling classes or stuck infront of the pc playing world of warcraft, or down the pub with his few mates getting totally wrecked.

so is my AS just the reason he's being so closed of or is it likely he has it too?
plus help me as i dont no where me n B are going relationship wise, shud i stay? or shud i go?

Does he know you have Asperger's Syndrome? A lot of my pain could have been avoided if I had remembered to tell them about my disability.

yeah he does, it's all over my profiles on every site, i dont hide it coz it's near on immposible to do it anyway. Iv sent him my 'instruction book', basics of how AS affects me and how to get round it, think he's read it, not sure.

Stop doing that ASAP. Learn to live with insecurity even if it's tearing your soul apart. You'll eventually get used to it and your boyfriend will feel less sufficated, but you really have to hold on and not give into your compulsiveness for that.



Just try to be more flexible to him, continue as a couple and see how it turns out.



If to him his meet-ups are important enough not to see you when you'd normally see each other, try rescheduling your meeting with him or canceling it. You can't force a person to miss out on events that can't be rescheduled just because you want to be with him. You have to be flexible in this sort of situation, although having to cancel or reschedule a meeting all the time is of course not a good solution either.



Maybe he's shy. Maybe he's Aspie. Maybe he doesn't like you as much as you like him. Maybe he's an @$$hole. Maybe there's some other reason. Maybe it's a combination of various answers. It's hard to tell by this information alone.

Yeahh, i have almost the same situation. I just post openly on my myspace that i have it. Sorta given up on trying to hide it anymore. & i have a long-distance thing going on too.

& in my case i know she's an aspie.

Though i guess where it differs with me is that while i need reassurance as well, i try not to act on it too much because i'm sorta self-conscious about that. Sorta difficult though, but i thinks she understands because i imagine since she has AS too, we sorta mutually understand each other on that to some extent.

i think i even have a thread up about the whole current situation of how we met online & all & how we're sorta long-distance dating on this forum here in the "love & dating" forum unless it's gone down the list for lack of post activity. I don't knowww.

Anyways, wishing you the best of luck with that .

If to him his meet-ups are important enough not to see you when you'd normally see each other, try rescheduling your meeting with him or canceling it. You can't force a person to miss out on events that can't be rescheduled just because you want to be with him. You have to be flexible in this sort of situation, although having to cancel or reschedule a meeting all the time is of course not a good solution either.

ok i get that, but at this rate it's going to be me doing all the hard work and for nothing, he's always skint coz he's got to go ti these matches or he's always busy coz he does clases every day...me id give up a few meet ups and mine are important to me too, just to be with him, but he wont miss anything, im starting to wonder why he wants a girl if he's only bothered bout wrestling and WoW pc game thing.

Some high-school age guys just want a girlfriend for status. In many high-schools it's terribly "un-cool" if you don't have a boyfriend of a girlfriend at a certain age and some boys will find themselves a girlfriend just so they won't fall into the category of single losers.

I'm not saying this is the case with your relationship, but I'm just warning you that this may be the case if his behavior really doesn't seem to show any genuine desire at all to spend more than e.g. 5 hours a week with you.

he's 26.... so chronologically should be waaaay past the high school boy thing but mentally and emotionally i do wonder....do guys ever grow up? or is that a debate for another forum?

Some men stay little boys for their entire life. Others become wise elders. Don't put them all in the same category, please

OK, i had to ask tho.

As a man, I find that remark slightly offensive

dont take the (o)fence dude take the gate it's easier to carry! lol sorry disnt meant to offend anyone.