Anyone planning to be single for life?

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I don't want to look for a girlfriend/future wife. Making friends is hard enough as it is. Making female friends even harder (for me). The only disadvantage is that I won't be having kids, grand-kids, etc... And if I happen to live long, my old-age years would be very lonely, hopefully my brother gets married so I will have nieces and nephews.

Are you saying this because you dont want a partner though or because you cant get one? there is a difference

I am. I've decided that with both my disabilities (cerebral palsy and quite probably AS) finding a significant other is going to be very difficult, if not impossible, and that it just likely won't be worth all the effort. Also, I've had a profound change of heart as to the true value and meaning of love. It seems to me that "love" isn't this highly transcendental and beautiful experience which is it always made out to be by highbrow and lowbrow culture alike, but rather, like I said in an earlier post on another thread, a socially acceptable gold-foil wrapper around our otherwise uncontrollable sexual urges, with some nice fuzzy emotional feelings in one's tummy thrown in as a consolation for the emptiness of it all. Sorry for being so optimistic, but that's just how I see it now.

I'm widowed.
I gave up.
Thats my short story

I agree with you. I am female and about your age, also very attractive.

I sometimes wonder if there is such a thing as love. I've never met anyone who didn't want me for something. We are taught that love is selfless and pure, but that is all a bunch of BS. Everyone wants you for something (sex, validation, ego boost, etc.)

Since I do not want to have children, the single life does not bother me. I am at an age when relatives and some friends are nudging me towards getting married soon.....how little they know. When I tell them I don't want kids, they tell me that I will change my mind. How do they know how my mind functions?

Wow very optimistic im only 15 and youve just put me off of love for life but seriously is it depressing you that you wont be with anyone or are you happy with being alone? i could be happy i guess i have AS but i have doupts in finding someone but that shouldnt stop me from searching should it? i mena if you stop searching alltogether then you WILL be alone but keep looking and at least theres a chance of meeting someone you will be happy with Im sure there lots of people out there with cerebral palsy and AS you just have to look out for them and if not try the dating websites?

( cerebral palsy is a speech disorder isnt it?)

Hope it helps

Well, I'm fine if I don't find one (at least that is the case for now, I don't know how I would feel about it in the future)

The problem with it is, though, that the single life is - well - kind of OK with me. It isn't everything, I know, but at least I don't have to deal with all the crap that some of my friends and relatives have to put up with: depressed wives, alcoholic husbands, underemployed girlfriends, aggressive nitwits only wanting sex, etc. And I have the freedom to do as I please, which is very important to me. Besides, what's the point of chasing after something I don't really believe in anymore? Yeah, I know, if I keep looking real hard and doing my utmost, I might find someone special. But this hasn't happened to me in 25 years. So, if we're going to be optimistic, let's say the odds are that I find someone once every 20 years (I first fell in love, unrequitedly, at age 10), so the first one may pop over at age 30. Well, that leaves me with 3 hits till my old age. The first (at 30) will likely be just to try things out, the second (at 50) will perhaps yield a stable relationship, but will statistically end after about 13 years in a bitter divorce and my financial ruin, the third (at 70), my "deathbed bride", will experience with me all the maladies and discomforts of senescence (which are aggravated by my cerebral palsy). What joy!

Cerebral palsy, by the way, is a neurological disorder due to brain damage. It causes all sorts of locomotor problems, and, yes, speech difficulties in some. I have a really bad voice, but I can walk normally. (Usually CP affects the lower body more than the upper, so I'm an atypical case.) If you have AS and a speech problem, believe me, you're doubly screwed.

However, you're only 15, so don't listen to an old jerk like me. Fifteen seems like a lifetime ago to me now. Perhaps I'm just old before my time.

Yes me. I know it will be virtually impossible for me to find someone. There are a few reasons for this. Firstly I have terrible self esteem. Secondly as the op says making any type of relationship (even friendship) is really very difficult, and I don't think I can get over my shyness around girls.I just don't feel that anyone would be interested in me. And let's suppose there is someone who is interested in me, she would have to be one in a million, and then what if I don't really feel the same way about her. Should I just do the desperate thing and try to make it work? Well I don't really use much energy in the way of trying to be around others, so this would probably be too much of a hassle for me. So guess I'm on my own. Well I've always been that way, so why change?

I am considering staying single for life. I recently got out of a one year relationship with my first boyfriend, and I could tell my behaviors confused him and maybe even upset him at times - He didn't like that I couldn't look him in the eyes, or that I would get easily ticklish. I think I was in my own world more of the time.
I can honestly say that I am not seeking another relationship any time in the near future - Sad to say. I am madly in love with a man right now, and even if he ended up liking me too, I don't think I could be in a relationship with him.
My father is the same way - He isn't looking for a relationship, and honestly doesn't want one.

I might possibly be. I am about done with the love sh*t, it is excruciating and it never works out. I don't feel motivated to police the sexual behavior of another adult female anymore, and I have a propensity for attracting non-monogamous people. I don't care to be lied to. I don't like people living in my space, the last relationship I had we didn't live together. I have considered maybe becoming a raging slut. Craigslist style. LOL. Other than that, I have no immediate plans for romance. I won't go the rest of my life without sex...but drumming up love, making 'it' happen...the older I get it just wears me out thinking about it.

That being said, the energy of some of the posts here on this thread is really beautiful and I think anyone would be lucky to end up with you guys. I hope those people drift into your lives when the time is right.

An old jerk like you eh? yknow age never really mattered to me advice is advice and im happy to take and give it to whoever needs it and when i need it most and as long as your happy by yourself should the world really have to force into anything you dont want to do? Everyone is different people these days seem to think everyone is complete when they have a family a job and a house and thats it but you never know what other things can happen if you just look and the one thing ive learned about AS is there is a cure and that cure is knowing what AS actually is since i have been studying it ( its become my subject ) and since ive been focusing on it well ive come so far you wouldnt beleive people now cant tell and when i tell them they are quite surprised but i wondered if you can do this with CB aswell? i mean its all to do with training or REtraining your brain to change

You seem to have your love life all planned out either thats a good thing or not i dont know but one things for sure as long as your happy thats all that matters? otherwise life will be miserable thanks for the information about CP i might start studying that now

I'm not planning on staying single forever.

Thanks, and live well and prosper! As far as I know, CP can't be cured. Of course motivation to succeed in life, together with physical therapy, goes a long way in reducing the symptoms, and I'm much better now than I was as a child, but there comes a point when you basically have to accept that things won't improve noticeably anymore. This is due to CP's physical nature. Many people think it's some kind of a psycho-neurological disorder, but this is emphatically not the case. Anyone who says that CP can be cured by positive thinking or some other purely mental process is talking crap, It's just that certain nerve and brain cell connections are permanently destroyed, and until medical science finds a way of repairing those at nano-level, they won't come back and I can't be cured. The most that can be hoped for in a patient with CP is that they learn to cope with their symptoms to such an extent that they can live relatively ordinary lives. I seem to have done so.

Good luck studying CP. It's an interesting disorder, and it comes in many forms.

Last edited by dddhgg on 07 Jan 2010, 6:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's not something I'm up and planning for but it's certainly a possible road that I can go down and that's fine with me if that's to happen. I've been alone for my whole life so far so I'm obviously use to living in solitude.

Thanks alot

I find researching these types of disorders very informative and somhow relaxing ( strange? ) but yes its best to try and just cope to the best of your ability and enjoy what you have why you have it.