How can I get an aspie guy know I am interested?

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Aspie guys, please help me out here!

I am a girl who is in love with aspie guy. I know he is interested in me as well, but he would not ask me out!! !

I am sending him some signs with sweet text messages, but i am afraid that he doesn't get that I like him.

How clear do I have to be in giving him signs that I like him?

He is going to a competition for his music and I am planning to send him a sweet message so he knows I like him.

What can I say to him?

I really want to know how clear I have to be in my signs letting him know I like him.

Or maybe the case is that he ALREADy knows i like him but just doesn't want to pursue a relationship from friendship.

So confused, please help me aspie guys!!

With love

Well, for starters, I personally think you should start off just being friends with him... It seems good to start off this way, if you both start having the same feelings later on after the friendship..

But if this guy doesn't seem to like that? I guess he would only prefer to be friends?

Have you tried talking to him about it?

be direct.
i know for me flirting goes way over my head.

I have never been good with subtle indications of attraction from the opposite sex but i do recognize that 'kiss me' look girls give. have you tried that? you know... wait till the right place and time an just give em that look. a txt message just really cant compare to direct a physical displays of ones feelings.

be more direct. Flirting is pointless, don't play mind games. Mind games piss aspies off.

Well, I'm not an aspie guy - I'm an NT woman married to an aspie guy. But I'll give this a shot.

DROP the subtext and hints and be as direct as possible. Maybe this is scary because normally this could mean exposing yourself to ridicule. But that's is unlikely to happen (he may not accept the date, but he likely won't cringe that you are being honest). This is the beauty of it. This is the freedom - maybe with this guy you can be honest. The other side of the coin: He gets to just simply be straightforward and honest too so be prepared for it.

What I said to my husband after I realized I had a bad crush on him:

Hi. I am attracted to you. I think we have some chemistry. I would like us to get together in person for a date. If you are not interested in this, I am OK and we can go on as friends. If you are interested, I would like to spend time with you maybe for coffee or a walk. Thanks,

He responded:

Hello. I sensed something. It is good to know my instincts are still fully operational. I would like to spend time with you doing something more social than me fixing your computer. Thanks,

Good luck! Be patient, he may likely move much more methodically than you and this isn't rejection - it's just a different approach. Let him take the space he needs and maybe you'll be rewarded with the most amazing guy you could ever dream of. At least that was my experience!

I obviously don't know the guy, but my guess would be that flirting, signaling, hinting, being subtle, probably won't work. Even if he suspects you're into him, he might be afraid of it being all in his head based on previous experience of misreading signals (which is a common aspie thing to do and thus something he's likely to have experienced in some context, romantic or otherwise). Subtle hinting will most likely get you nowhere. He probably won't ask you out no matter how much he likes you, perhaps in fear of mockery or abandonment, or out of not yet having understood his own emotions. You'll probably have to take the step. Ask him out. Or in, if he's not a going out kind of person. But don't be subtle about your feelings. Make it abundantly clear that you're into him. It's most likely the only way he'll be convinced that you do like him and he's not just imagining things. I'm not saying jump on him and surprise kiss him - that would probably just disorient him - but you could try telling him what it is you like about him, and instead of suggesting a vague term like "relationship" or "dating" or something, let him know exactly what arrangement you wish to have with him (but don't make it sound like an ultimatum, just something you'd find nifty, or you could just ask him "would you be offended if I said I'd like to kiss you?", but make sure he knows you're fine with being just friends - some people need time for things to develop). Explicit description is likely better than terminology or implication. That's all I can think of in terms of advice. Obviously, I could be wrong about all of this - people can be very different - but I myself am both an aspie and a musician, and I wouldn't have my wonderful girlfriend today if she hadn't told me how she felt and what she'd like our relationship to consist of.

So to answer the topic: Tell him.

Just tell him you like him becuse all of the signs might get through but would get through alot eaisier if you just told him you liked him thats the thing about AS people you just have to tell them what you want no messing about he it will take the pressure off of him to ask you out and you will get a straight answer

Ask him on a date. I was never too good with hunts, etc. So trying these are pointless and a waste of time

You could always do what my now-wife did to kick things off... find an excuse to be alone with him and plant a big wet one on him out of the blue.

Just get to the point; if you want him, go for him directly. You have to be completely honest because that's the only way guys like us are going to get anywhere is if you girls let us know you really are interested and are not just teasing or messing with our heads.

Why can't you just ask him out? You are allowed to, you know.

And an aspie guy is likely to appreciate you asking him out more than an NT would... it takes a lot of pressure off of him (it's hard enough for an NT guy to tell if a woman likes him or not, for an aspie it's nearly impossible)

Yes I know that aspies cannot get subtle hints etc, but at the same time he seemed to be very distant in the beginning like distrusting, slowly i can see him opening up as I see him smile more in a conversation or he talks about feeling (ex, he is happy aboug going home etc).

I thought maybe develop some more trust by keeping unconditional friendship and then at some point let him know I like him.

I have only known him for 3 months and I don't know anything about his family or friends. I only know about his music, cello.

I will ask him out to go ice skating along with some other friends from church, I hope he will like that....

Big hugs!

It might be better to ask him to go ice skating minus the friends. I know I don't like to do group activities but do like doing things with just one other person. This will give you the opportunity to get to know him better and for him to trust you more. Group activities are not an Aspie strong point.

If he is anyhing like was before I met the girl who is now my wife, he probably don't know how. Or that he got social situations wrong so many times that he more or less given up and won't ask you out, ever, even if he is madly in love and think of you all the time.

The only sign that would work is an actual hand-held sign where it says: "I have a crush on you and want to be more than just friends. Follow me home, now."

Subtle hints are kind of useless.

Just be honest. Tell him what you feel, and tell him what you want him to do. I get more comfortable when my wife tells me straight how she feels and what she wants. Signs and hints are kind of useless.

But if you still want to use signs, choose a big font, preferably in bold and high contrast.

Maybe, maybe not. Maybe he don't know how to take that step? Maybe he is gay? Maybe he is in love with you and cries himself to sleep because he doesn't know how to ask you out? Maybe you'll spend the rest of you life with him or break up after a month...

You'll never know unless you ask him.

I wish you both good luck.

PS. and if he ever says something stupid like "Why not see eachother again someday?" it probably doesn't mean "I don't want to see you for a couple of days" but rather "Stay here forever." Atleast that was what I meant even if my wife explained to me that it didn't sound like it.